Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Shout Outs

Just a few observations and comments regarding my day today-

1. To my annoying co-worker:

You are truly your own worst enemy. You've been trying to post out of our department for well over a year, I would think by now you would realize that the rest of the company has heard about your anger management issues. Stomping around the floor giving everyone the stink-eye will not endear you to anyone. Neither will telling our supervisor to go ahead and write you up, because you're leaving early. Get a grip, take a pill, whatever.

2. To my mother:

I'm trying really hard to understand why you spent all day today trying to repair a perfectly functioning shower. You keep saying it's the water pressure, but honestly, I don't have any issues with lack of water pressure when I shower. Do you want it to blast you out of the tub? I said I will have Loony Landlady send someone to look at, but it's not your responsibility or mine to pay for new fixtures. What do you think I pay rent for? Also, is it really a good idea for you to be driving?

3. To the makers and alleged designers of plus size clothing:

What the hell, people? Stacy and Clinton keep telling me I should dress for the body I have now. You are not giving me any incentive to do that. I do not want a wardrobe made up entirely of clingy 'slinky' knits that permanently adhere to the exact body parts I'd like to camouflage. Nor do I want giant, screaming, "LOOK AT ME" print blouses that make me look nine months pregnant. With triplets. Can't we find some middle ground here? I finally did the happy dance in a dressing room recently when I found some Levis in my size. So how about some nice fitting, not polyester in any amount, dress slacks, a skirt that doesn't make my legs look like tree trunks, or a sweater or two made from materials I can pronounce. And make it all affordable, and for the love of all that is holy, have a model that is bigger than a size 12. I realize that in Modelworld, a 12 is plus size, but here on planet Earth, that's the norm. So how about a size 14, or be bold, a size 16 model?

4. To the numerous folks Downtown who refuse to bathe or use deodorant:

The deodorant is on aisle two at CVS. Pick some up. Please. I'm just trying to help you out.

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