Thursday, March 5, 2009

Very Personally Yours (what they didn't tell you during that movie in 5th grade)

So lately I've been thinking about the most dreaded of all female subjects: the 'M' word. Yep, menopause. I don't even like to type it. Don't even like to read it or think about it. But, it will soon be knocking on my door.

I find myself conflicted on the entire concept. On the one hand, no more monthly visitor, yay! That will be awesome. Because I am just OVER it. But...there seems to be a lot I have to put up with in trade for that. Like not knowing exactly when the last visit will be. I'm a control freak, how am I supposed to live like this?

There's also the physical and psychological issues; the hot flashes, the moodiness, the chin hairs. Oy vey, the chin hairs. And since we're already sweaty and hairy, why not add a few more pounds in the areas that we really need them; our hips, thighs and abdomen. Added to this is, despite our advances in the fields of medicine, no real answers as to what will quell our symptoms. What works for one woman won't work for every other woman. Why can't they make a pill or a shot or something that will just shut the whole operation down in say, two months or so? Honestly, I don't know if I am mentally/emotionally equipped to deal with however many years of hormonal hell I have ahead of me.

I have thought about talking to the good doctor about laser ablation, where they go in and burn off the uterine lining, thus ending monthly visits. If all it takes is the doctor playing Star Wars in my hoo-ha to stop this, I'm all for it.

Speaking to the difficulties of being a woman, there's one woman in the public eye who seems to always attract criticism. I don't know if it's because she married an alien gnome or what, but Homegirl is looking rough. Check out this photo of Katie Holmes I saw on D-Listed today-

Now I know that this look is for a movie role, but damn, girl. Those beads make it look like she has an ear of Indian corn attached to her head. Her face looks gaunt, and that's not just for this movie, that's been going on for some time. I don't know what's up with Katie; like anyone else, all I can do is speculate. But I can't think that raising a child so publicly, with everyone questioning your sanity, your marriage, your religion and your parenting skills makes it easy on a girl. I think she could do herself a world of good by taking those beads out of her hair, for starters, and maybe taking a little solo holiday. Go on, Katie. I'm rootin' for ya!

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