This Saturday is Chickenhead's first football game of the season. He's toughed it out through three practices a week since the end of July and now we're ready to roll. Except me. I'm just ready for the season to be over with, already.
Why so negative, you ask? Well, I have discovered that what's wrong with kids sports is the parents. Don't get me wrong, most of the parents on our team are great people, who care about not only their boys,but the other team members as well. But, as with any group of people, there are always one or two half-wits who have to make it miserable for everyone else.
The Husband is a coach on Chickenhead's team, and for the past two weeks, we have been dealing with the never ending Uniform Disaster of 2009. Let me tell you all about it. The way youth football works in our little neck of the woods is there are teams for 3rd through 6th grade that pull from all the schools in the area, and they play under the local high school's name. The high school's team is the Raiders, so we're all Raiders, too. Fun, huh? The high school's team colors are green and yellow/gold (depending on who you talk to), like the Green Bay Packers colors. Keep those two colors in your mind, visualize them if you will.
At the beginning of the season, a parent stepped forward and donated over $1000 to pay for uniforms for every boy on the team. This was incredibly generous and helped out a lot of families on our team, some of whom were really stressing over how they were going to come up with this money. The coaches ordered the green jerseys and chose the 'gold' pants over the 'yellow' pants because the gold ones were made from a fabric that was easier to clean. The league said that as long as the colors were 'similar to the high schools' it was fine. Great. Not!
Last Friday night, all the boys put on their jerseys and went to a pep rally at the high school. One of the moms on our team began to complain that 'our boys jerseys aren't the same color green as the high school boys! That's not right!' She even went so far as to compare her son's jersey to his sister's cheerleading uniform (the same league runs a youth cheerleading program as well), screeching, 'look! They don't MATCH!!!!' Oh boy. It does not stop there, oh no, it does not. Because the big controversy was the pants. The GOLD pants were not the same as the YELLOW pants the high school boys were wearing. This was a crime against society and all that was sacred. Screechy-mom began whispering to other parents and giving the coaches the side-eye. Fingers were flying in a texting frenzy.
I was not going to be the one to tell her to shut the hell up already, because she got the uniform for FREE for heaven's sake. I tried to remain above it. Oh, and side note- the pep rally was hosted by the cheerleaders, who invited all the boys teams. When the ivite was given, the cheerleaders also asked that each boys team bring two 12-packs of soda and 2 pizzas. I'm having a little get together for my birthday next month, please come! Oh yeah, and could you go ahead and bake me a cake and bring me some liquor? I mean, really.
This past Monday, the husband came home from practice looking like he was on the edge of an anyuersm. I asked what was wrong, and all he said was, 'the pants'. Seems Screechy-mom took it upon herself to call the league to find out what could be done about the evil, satanic, GOLD pants. Well, as they say, the screechy-mom gets the oil, because the league called the coaches and said, 'well it's kind of an unspoken rule that the colors of the youth team's uniforms match the high school team's uniforms.' Yes. While the league said 'colors similar to the high school team's', what they were really trying to say, in a secret football language, was 'exactly like the high school team's'. Which is why the Husband spent most of Tuesday driving all over town to pick up everyone's diabolic, forsaken GOLD pants, so that they could be returned and exhanged for YELLOW pants.
So this Saturday, bright and early, we'll be heading out to the football fields, ready to get this train wreck over with already. I'll be the one in the stands hanging out with the cool parents, trying to keep her mouth shut. Be sure to wave!