Thursday, October 1, 2009

I Dreamed I Went Postal In My Maidenform Bra (and other random musings)

Can I just vent right here about underwear? Am I the only woman who doesn't like those boy-short type undies? Did I get the wrong brand or something? They don't fit right. The ride up in the back, and then they have all this extra fabric in the crotch, which is like a mile wide, and dangit, they just aren't comfortable. I'm kind of ticked about it because I bought the economy pack of these stupid things at Hellmart and now I can't take them back. I don't get the whole thong craze, either. Good lord, you can get an infection of some sort wearing that crap. What happened to just normal, nice underwear? I think I need to find that section in the lingerie department. If you can go to the department store and get a bra fitting, why can't they tell you what size knickers to get, too?

Speaking of underwear, I'm starting to think that some of the parents on the football team have theirs in a wad. We finally got the Great Pant Incident of 2009 behind us, and now, we're playing. And losing. In fact, last Saturday night, the boys lost, 38-0. I don't think it was entirely their fault, the other team was good, but our coach seems to have a lot of love in his heart for a couple of the less motivated boys; they are content to stand on the field and let the oposition run right through them, which is exactly what they did for four quarters. I know that at this age, the idea of the game is for the boys to learn the basics of the game along with teamwork, good sportsmanship, etc. Winning isn't everything. But. Let's please not sugarcoat it, OK? During the entire game, one enthusiastic father kept yelling for the boys to 'GET IN THERE!', 'BREAK SOME HEADS!!' and 'LET'S DO SOME DAMAGE!'. After the game, he calmly stated, 'well we didn't lose, the other team just scored more points than we did'. Really? Because I kind of thought we got our butts handed to us on a silver platter. It's my own personal opinion that kids need to learn that there are winners and losers, not winners and 2nd place winners. It's not going to damage their psyches to know that sometimes, despite our best efforts, things don't always work out like we want them to.

I have a co-worker who seems hellbent on making sure everyone sees her undies lately. She lost a lot of weight, which is commendable. She's feeling better and looks great, but heaven help her, sometimes she dresses less than appropriately. I work in a bank, which is a fairly conservative environment, fashion-wise. Skinny Minnie, though, likes to push the envelope with skirts short enough to cause the crew from Wild Kingdom to go on standby in case there's a wild beaver on the loose, or she wears pants that ride so low that you can't help but see the top of her thong when she clomps by. She's still learning to walk in heels, bless her heart, but sometimes she plunders around the office like Sasquatch in drag. She needs finishing school, that's what she needs.

*photo from Plan 59, click over there on the right if you want to visit them!


Lola said...

The weird thing that I noticed with those boy-briefs is that they are HUGE if you buy the same size that you buy granny panties in. I would think one would wear the same size, no matter the style, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I was all excited when I saw boy-briefs come out a few years ago because I was thinking they would be more comfortable. Instead, they ride up all over the place.

I don't like this, 'everyone's a winner attitude', I think that's what's wrong with today's kids. They need to lose sometimes, it builds character!

Kelly said...

I always thought that boy shorts were supposed to be kind of like boxer-briefs and that you wouldn't get a wedgie so I bought some. Boy, was *I* wrong about the fit! Thongs are more comfy than boy shorts.

The Women's Colony said...

Hi Kelley, you won the Gray Gardents tshirt over at the womens colony. You need to send me your address at

Congrats! I will mail it around Oct. 15th (pay day!) I hope you like it.