Thursday, November 5, 2009

Irrational Fears Run Amuck

Time to tighten your tinfoil helmets, because today I'm going to discuss more of my irrational fears. These are things that statistically will probably never happen, but none the less keep me awake at night.

My biggest fear lately is that some big, scary disease will descend upon Chickenhead. I know that most moms always worry a little about their kids getting sick. No. This is different. I am terrified of the prospect of Chickenhead getting some sort of incurable cancer or some wasting disease or something. Whenever I see bruises on his legs (which is a lot since he's been playing football), a little voice in the back of my head pipes up- 'Oh noes! He's got the leukemia!' (yes, the little voice in my head speaks like a lolcat) Now the bigger(hopefully)more rational part of my brain knows that this is highly unlikely, but LolKel just won't shut up sometimes. So I desperately fight the urge to wrap him in bubblewrap before he leaves the house each day, and I pray nightly that he doesn't get anything incurable.

I also fear that when Chickenhead grows up, he will end up scruffy, dirty and homeless, panhandling on the streets of Downtown. Writing this and reading it back, I can fully see how ridiculous this sounds. Chickenhead is a bright boy, and I seriously doubt he will ever be homeless or panhandling. If you've ever seen his room, you would know that I can't make any promises about scruffy or dirty. I think I've been watching too much 'Intervention'. All those poor folks were semi-normal kids once, too.

A while back I read a story about a racoon hiding in a Coke machine. Whenever someone would buy a drink, the racoon would attack their hand as they reached in for their bottle. Obviously, this had to have been some soda machine that was outdoors somewhere, but do you think that stops me from hesitating just a little whenever I go to grab that bottle of Diet Coke? Even though our soda machine is safely indoors on the 4th floor of the building no less, I still always hesitate. Be careful when you buy a Coke from a machine is what I'm trying to tell you.

I noticed that I still have a fear of falling down an escalator. Would this be potentially worse than falling down a regular flight of stairs? What if I fell, and say, my pant leg got caught between the steps, and it just pulled me down and ripped my pants? Good Lord, the humanity! This terrifies me almost more than the thought of a snake under the kitchen sink, a bat in the basement, H1N1 or alien abduction. I will hold my breath as I take that first step on to a down elevator and breathe a slight sigh of relief about halfway down.

Hopefully now that I've written all this nonsense down, it will help to diminish the fear. Maybe if I can keep re-reading and realize how nuts I sound, I can overcome these irrational thoughts. Somehow I doubt it.


Lola said...

My son is 14. I still have to convince him and almost shove/hold his hand to get him to use escalators. When he was 4 or 5 he went to the movies with his dad (who I might add was not watching him properly) and my little guy fell on the escalator because his shoelace got caught. To this day he still needs to be convinced to take an escalator.

Ashley said...

Hi Kelley . . . I came over via the WC page listing blogs by state. I grew up in Wichita, now live in Chicago. Am really nostalgic about KS now that I don't live there. :)

I've read through your blog a bit & really like it. I'm a Coke drinker and I guarantee that I will think of a raccoon in the machine for the rest of my life, thankyouverymuch! In return, I promise not to tell you the true story my mom told me about escalators that would push your fear of them into the "rational" category. Promise.

Ashley ("A Different Ashley") @ WC

Kelley said...

Hi Ashley!

I am more and more convinced that escalators are tools of the devil. I think I may have finally found the motivation I need to lug my butt up and down the stairs!

And yes, I caught myself double checking before I grabbed that Coke today.

Nanodance said...

I have had a bat in my living room, a snake in my bathtub and H1N1 in my house. I have an irrational fear of a truck tire blowing up when I am passing a truck on the highway.