Ok, I first visited this subject back in August, and while it never left my mind completely, it kind of got put on the back burner.
From the time I found out that my mom did have a baby that she gave up for adoption, until the time she passed, that baby was never far from my mind. So many times, I came so close to asking my mom about it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. She was so sick, and some days she just wasn't herself. I was so afraid of upsetting her that I chose to play it safe and say nothing. I have a feeling that towards the end of her life, my mom thought about it often. I don't know for certain, but on more than one occasion, she said that God must be punishing her for something terrible that she did. She said that God must hate her for some reason. She felt that her failing health was divine payback for what had to have been a difficult choice for her.
So now that it's been six months since her death, I find myself thinking about this baby again. Of course, she's not a baby now, she would be a 32-yr old woman. I have located the birth records for the hospital where my mom gave birth, and pretty much all it would take to get some of the details is filling out a form and taking a short ride over to the hospital where they are kept now.
For now, all I really want is to know her date of birth, and if possible, if she was adopted. I hope that she was adopted by a family that loved her and gave her everything that my mom wouldn't have been able to give her. I hope that she had a happy childhood filled with birthday parties and sleepovers and first dates and proms and everything that means so much to a young girl. I hope she went to college, found someone to love, and has a family of her own.
I don't know if I want to meet her, but at the same time, I wonder, has she tried to find her birth mother? Has she wondered about the woman who gave her up? Does she have questions about her biological family? The last thing I would ever want to do is contact her out of the blue when that may not be something that she wants, but the curiosity is great. I have the form filled out, it's just a matter of getting in the car and taking that drive...