Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Trying To Focus

Sometimes, I think I have an undiagnosed case of ADD. I can't focus on jackshit. I am easily distracted by shiny things, random songs, stupid websites and Real Housewives of New Jersey (team Teresa!). As a result, my life often descends in to complete chaos, and it takes me a while to get back on track, because hey, a shiny thing!

A while back I read a quote attributed to Buddha-

"What you are is what you have been. What you'll be is what you do now."

It took me a while to understand this, but I think I finally get it. Sometimes, we get stuck. We get stuck in our own self-doubt, we get sidetracked by other people's opinions, we feel like our goals are too far out of our grasp. We allow our fear of failure or even of success to keep us from moving forward in our lives. When we get stuck in all of this, it becomes what we are.

As hard as it is, the key to getting un-stuck is to let go of all of the things that are weighing us down. By letting go of our fears, we can open ourselves up to change. This is what I'm working on right now. I'm working on letting go of the doubt, the fear, the worry about what others might think of me.

It seems like I've spent so much of my life worrying about pleasing others and never living up to their expectations, that I've never learned to live up to my own expectations. It's not easy, but I think in the end, it will be worth it.

In other news around the Casa, we have finished our first year of home-schooling. We loved it! Chickenhead did great, and wants to do it again next year. As long as he wants to do it, we will. Chickenhead's 11th birthday is coming up later this month, and I'm steeling myself for the prospect of 8 kids spending the night in my house. I will surely need some Xanax. Maybe some liquor, too.

The husband is doing well, other than his foot. It still hasn't healed completely from the break, and surgery may be a possibility. Let's hope not! He's a difficult patient.

That's about all that's going on around here. Some personal growth and gearing up for a birthday bash. Good times!

1 comment:

Mrs. G. said...

Congrats on completing your first year of homeschooling! I am so happy it's working for everyone.

I really get what you write about letting go worries of what others think. I went back to therapy AGAIN and I had a major break through that has inspired me to feel like I've let myself out of a self-constructed cage. I want to write about it but I can't articulate it like you have. One thing I do know is that no one spends time thinking poorly about me like I imagine--they have lives to live.