Monday, August 22, 2011

Open Letter To An A-hole

Dear Dillweed,

It was so nice to know that a perfect stranger on the bus has my well-being in mind. How interesting the world would be if there were more people like you in it. But I think we've pretty much reached our quota.

When the substitute bus driver asked me tonight which stop was mine, I was quite surprised to hear your suggestion that he drop me off a couple of stops before because in your words, 'she could use the exercise'. How kind of you, a total stranger, to want to plan my exercise program for me. My husband was duly impressed, too, when I told him about it when I got home. He's VERY interested in discussing a workout plan with you, but it may not be quite what you've got in mind. You'll be happy to know that even though I didn't get as much exercise as you thought I should on my walk home, I still had plenty of thoughts about you on my 3-minute trek.

Tonight was one of the very rare moments when I have been rendered completely speechless by the words of some ignoramus such as yourself. The lady sitting across the aisle from me heard you, you sexist pig, and I noticed that the bus driver didn't laugh along with you, either. Let's get something straight, I'm a lady. I am someone's wife, someone's sister, someone's mother and someone's daughter. I am a human being worthy of respect. If anyone said anything like what you said to me to a woman in your life, I'm pretty sure you would be as pissed off as I am.

I would say something about those coke-bottle bottom glasses you wear, and your ill-fitting dockers, and your shabby looking shoes, but I'm above it. Karma is an ugly thing, asshole, and when it comes calling for you, it won't be pretty. And speaking of pretty, you're not. Maybe I could use some exercise, but you're ugly, and I can always lose weight.


Carol said...


Jessie said...

Seriously, this is my WORST fear--that someone will call me fat in public. I save this (complete lie) for a time when that might happen: Hey ASSHOLE, what you don't know is that I have a freaking thyroid disorder so I CAN'T HELP being this weight. I could run circles around your mean ass in my sleep because I work out EVERYDAY.

Really, it's not the ethical thing to do, but I think I'd do anything I could to make an a-hole like that feel bad about himself. Or you could be the better person and walk away, like you just did. You'll probably feel better about yourself at the end of the day. Either way, kudos to you lady; I would have just run away crying.