Kelley's Casa DeChaos

Time Out!

2011-10-23T07:49:00.001-07:00

I think I must have put myself in a bit of a time out from blogging lately. Really, with school starting back up it's been hard to make the time to blog. Or craft. I am horrible at time management. I get all the important stuff done, but I never 'plan' time for myself. I'm trying to improve that, though.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I spent it with 3 of my closest friends at the CKC Scrapbook Convention. We didn't do classes, but just went to the vendor fair. It was so much fun! And it was inspiring, too. Sometimes, I get in a creative rut and can't think of what I want to do, let alone how to do it. It helped to go and see lots of different ideas and buy a few things to get my mojo goin' again!

Last night after I got home and hung out with The Husband and Chickenhead, I got my craft on. Here's a couple of things I made-

I love this little monkey! His name is Changito, and I collect Changito stamps. I buy a new one whenever I find them. I colored the image in with markers, then stamped an additional image so I could cut out the lights and make a 3-d effect with pop dots. Finally, I dotted each light with Glassy Effects so that they're shiny, and used Stickles for the pom-pom and cuff on his hat. I really like how this card turned out, and though I usually avoid the 'usual' red/green color combo on my Christmas cards, I may have to make this one this year.

I bought another stamp set with vases and flowers, something I've wanted for a while, and when I saw this set, I knew it was the one. After we left this booth, we ran in to a booth filled with every type of ribbon you could imagine. I saw this swatch of wide embroidered lace, and the light in my brain clicked on! The little embroidered flowers would be great for the flower part of my new stamp set!

After I cut the flowers out of the lace, I inked them with chalk inks. I really like the texture they add to this.

Finally, for my friend Carol's card challenge, I made this Halloween card-

I heat embossed the witch image then added color with colored pencils and mineral spirits. The edges of the image were inked with Tim Holtz distress inks in Peeling Paint and Dusty Concord.

I really miss crafting! I'm hoping to get in to the craft room today to give it a much needed cleaning, and possibly to do some sewing. I need more stuff for my Etsy shop!

What I Did On My Summer Vacation(that I didn't know I was on)

2011-08-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

I guess I took a vacation from blogging without realizing it! To be honest, at some point it felt like my brain shut down and I just could not think of anything that I wanted to write about.

So what did I do this summer? Well, not much really. I've been on a mission to clean through every room in the house, sorting out items for a future garage sale. Chickenhead spent the summer swimming at my FIL's house almost every day. Chickenhead turned 11, and made me feel old.

I went and got a mammogram last Monday, and today had to go for a follow-up ultrasound because they thought they saw something abnormal. I don't know about you, but even though they assured me when I made the appointment that it was 'probably nothing', I still worried about it. This afternoon, when I was lying on the exam table, I was watching the monitor as the super nice radiologist was doing her thing. Suddenly on the monitor, there was something that looked scary. And she had stopped there and was measuring it, and saving the file and I started tearing up. A million things ran through my mind at that moment, every worst case scenario I could think of and believe me, I can think of some good ones. She saw my tears and stopped scanning and assured me that it was just my lymph node. There was nothing abnormal at all, it was just my lymph nodes. I practically skipped out of the office and back to the car! I think deep down inside, I knew it was nothing, but when faced with the reality of a 'breast cancer center', that confidence flew out the window. I'm glad it's behind me now.

The other thing I've been doing is something that's been a passion of mine for a long time. I've been sewing. Specifically, I've been sewing children's clothes! It all started with me converting my wedding gown (well, part of it) in to a christening gown.

Here's the 'before'-And, here's the after-

I have plans to make a couple more gowns to sell, but this one I'll be keeping for Chickenhead to use someday when he has a family.

I've also been making diaper covers, baby shoes and dresses-
All of these pieces were made with vintage fabrics. A couple of years ago, The Husband scored two boxes of vintage fabric at an estate sale. A lot of it was decorating and drapery fabric, but there were quite a few pieces that are perfect for clothing. I love anything vintage, and combing vintage fabrics with modern designs is just about my favorite thing. I'm hoping to soon open an Etsy shop to sell these pieces.

So, that's just about it. It was a pretty laid back summer, all in all. Now, Chickenhead is getting back in to the school groove, and we're tackling 6th grade. Fingers crossed that I understand the math he'll be working with this year!

Open Letter To An A-hole

2011-08-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Dillweed,

It was so nice to know that a perfect stranger on the bus has my well-being in mind. How interesting the world would be if there were more people like you in it. But I think we've pretty much reached our quota.

When the substitute bus driver asked me tonight which stop was mine, I was quite surprised to hear your suggestion that he drop me off a couple of stops before because in your words, 'she could use the exercise'. How kind of you, a total stranger, to want to plan my exercise program for me. My husband was duly impressed, too, when I told him about it when I got home. He's VERY interested in discussing a workout plan with you, but it may not be quite what you've got in mind. You'll be happy to know that even though I didn't get as much exercise as you thought I should on my walk home, I still had plenty of thoughts about you on my 3-minute trek.

Tonight was one of the very rare moments when I have been rendered completely speechless by the words of some ignoramus such as yourself. The lady sitting across the aisle from me heard you, you sexist pig, and I noticed that the bus driver didn't laugh along with you, either. Let's get something straight, I'm a lady. I am someone's wife, someone's sister, someone's mother and someone's daughter. I am a human being worthy of respect. If anyone said anything like what you said to me to a woman in your life, I'm pretty sure you would be as pissed off as I am.

I would say something about those coke-bottle bottom glasses you wear, and your ill-fitting dockers, and your shabby looking shoes, but I'm above it. Karma is an ugly thing, asshole, and when it comes calling for you, it won't be pretty. And speaking of pretty, you're not. Maybe I could use some exercise, but you're ugly, and I can always lose weight.

Not Really That Much Fun in Dysfunction

2011-06-22T18:07:00.000-07:00

Chickenhead's birthday party is coming up this weekend, and it's a bit bittersweet. My brother and his family will be here, which I'm really looking forward to. I've contacted my ex-sister-in-law, and she's going to bring our nephews to the party. Which is all good, but I still feel a bit sad.

The Husband's family is in tatters. He has a grandfather who is in the final stages of pancreatic cancer, and a grandmother who's in the early stages of Alzheimer's. My MIL, who's often been the centerpiece to many of my stories, is rapidly descending into a black hole of drug addiction and mental illness. My brother in law(the Husband's brother) won't speak to us at all, and my FIL doesn't have much to say, either.

I see how much all of this hurts the Husband and it saddens me. I see how much it upsets Chickenhead and that saddens me even more. It's hard to explain to my son why his uncle won't speak to us, or why his grandfather doesn't call or contact him. The Husband has been taking Chickenhead over to my FIL's house to go swimming, which I guess is some progress, but Chickenhead notices that his grandfather and dad hardly speak to each other. Chickenhead notices that we're not invited to family events. I find myself flip-flopping between thinking maybe it's better if Chickenhead isn't around such dysfunction so much, or thinking that good or bad, this is the only family he's got.

As our children grow, they become much more aware of their environment, and the interactions of their family members. Kids can sense tension, anger and resentment. I hate to just dismiss Chickenhead's questions with, 'you're too young to understand', but how much do I tell him? How do you deal with sticky family situations and your kids? Thoughts?

Summer Reading and TV Watching

2011-06-16T18:20:00.000-07:00

Actually, I don't limit my reading to just summer time, I read year round. I do seem to do more in the summer, though for some reason.

Anyway, I recently read a great summery novel, 'July and August', by Nancy Clark. This is actually the third installment in a series of books following the Hill family of Towne, Massachusetts. Reading the first book, 'The Hills at Home', would probably be beneficial, but not necessary to enjoy this book. I haven't read the second book, 'Away From Home', because I always seem to miss it at the library.

On to 'July and August'. The setting is the home of Lily Hill, spinster aunt and somewhat reluctant matriarch to the Hill clan. Lily's home is once again the gathering place for family members young and old who have returned for the summer. There are more characters than you can shake a stick at, but the story is still easy to follow. The story revolves around Lily, who's running a successful fruit and vegetable stand at the end of her driveway. She's discovered a knack for farming, and enjoys the work. Family members prove to be a little too helpful, or more often than not, not helpful enough, to Aunt Lily.

Nancy Clark is a talented author, and I'm really hoping I can get my hands on that second book in the series. Her writing is humorous and touching at the same time, and I actually found myself a little sad that the book ended, because I enjoyed the characters and the story so much. She' supposedly working on a new book, hopefully another Hill family book.

A while back we decided to subscribe to Netflix, to try to save a bit on the entertainment budget (ha, like I have a budget!). I've quickly acquired the habit of waking up early on Saturday and Sunday mornings to watch all the BBC mini-series I haven't had the time to watch before. I just finished watching 'Downton Abbey' and can hardly wait for the second season. What a great show! I've been watching 'Daniel Deronda' too, but it's not as good as 'Downton'. The Husband has been watching EVERY season of 'Dog The Bounty Hunter', and damn if I don't sit down and get sucked in to that show when he's watching. My other TV indulgences this summer are 'Real Housewives of New Jersey', and 'My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding' for which really, there are no words. And this coming Monday, 'Hoarders' on A&E begins it's new season! If it's anything like last season, we may actually see a hoarder uncover a human corpse in their hoard. It wouldn't surprise me at all. What are you reading and watching this summer?

Testing, Testing

2011-06-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

As part of Chickenhead's home-school curriculum this past school year, he was required to take state math and reading assessment tests. I though I had a pretty strong opinion when it came to these tests, but this year made me question that.

Last year in 'brick and mortar' school, Chickenhead's math and reading test scores were abysmal. It was disheartening for the Husband and me, because we knew Chickenhead was a smart kid, but we couldn't understand why he didn't do better. As we began thinking about home school, I started really resenting those tests. Why do school districts insist on determining a child's intelligence (and more and more, a teacher's competence) on the basis of a few 90 minute tests? Then once I realized that tests aren't used to determine intelligence so much as how much funding the district will receive, I felt like my son was little more than a pawn in the education game.

Fast forward to April of this year, and math and reading assessment tests. Because our virtual school is part of a brick and mortar district, the tests are required. I knew Chickenhead was progressing much better with home school, but I still worried about him taking the tests. Turns out, I worried for nothing! The math test, which he scored a 34 on last year, became a 62 this year. Last year's reading score of 35 was 85 this year. I was thrilled. Thrilled that he did so well, yet still pissed off at these tests.

I still firmly believe that the intelligence of a child or their capacity to learn can be determined by a single test. I find it sad that schools are spending so much time focusing only on reading and math that kids are missing out on history, science and social studies. Not to mention PE, art and music. All of these subjects are vital to a child's development. The one thing that I really have come to love about home schooling is that while we do a lot of math and reading work, we also have the time to tackle history, science, literature, social studies and art. Home school definitely isn't for every child or every family, but for us, it's worked out beautifully.

The one thing that we didn't work on much this year is handwriting. Chickenhead doesn't have the best handwriting; his spacing is off, he writes in a mix of upper and lower-case letters. If I had to give his handwriting a name, I'd call it 'Ransom note', because it sort of looks like a mash up of cut-out letters from a magazine. So we're working on that this summer, and it's got me wondering- how important is handwriting in this day and age? The great majority of his classwork is done online, and when he gets to junior high papers and reports will be done in Word. Is cursive useful in a world where we type and text our every thought?

When I was in high school (and....now I'm old!), some people labored over their handwriting, adding whirls, loops, hearts, etc. Mostly girls. I don't recall knowing a guy who cared about his handwriting. So maybe sloppy handwriting is just a guy thing and I should let it slide? We're working on him signing his name (because someday he might need to sign a check, a contract, post bond for me), but how much will he really be writing in longhand? Thoughts?

Trying To Focus

2011-06-07T19:25:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, I think I have an undiagnosed case of ADD. I can't focus on jackshit. I am easily distracted by shiny things, random songs, stupid websites and Real Housewives of New Jersey (team Teresa!). As a result, my life often descends in to complete chaos, and it takes me a while to get back on track, because hey, a shiny thing!

A while back I read a quote attributed to Buddha-

"What you are is what you have been. What you'll be is what you do now."

It took me a while to understand this, but I think I finally get it. Sometimes, we get stuck. We get stuck in our own self-doubt, we get sidetracked by other people's opinions, we feel like our goals are too far out of our grasp. We allow our fear of failure or even of success to keep us from moving forward in our lives. When we get stuck in all of this, it becomes what we are.

As hard as it is, the key to getting un-stuck is to let go of all of the things that are weighing us down. By letting go of our fears, we can open ourselves up to change. This is what I'm working on right now. I'm working on letting go of the doubt, the fear, the worry about what others might think of me.

It seems like I've spent so much of my life worrying about pleasing others and never living up to their expectations, that I've never learned to live up to my own expectations. It's not easy, but I think in the end, it will be worth it.

In other news around the Casa, we have finished our first year of home-schooling. We loved it! Chickenhead did great, and wants to do it again next year. As long as he wants to do it, we will. Chickenhead's 11th birthday is coming up later this month, and I'm steeling myself for the prospect of 8 kids spending the night in my house. I will surely need some Xanax. Maybe some liquor, too.

The husband is doing well, other than his foot. It still hasn't healed completely from the break, and surgery may be a possibility. Let's hope not! He's a difficult patient.

That's about all that's going on around here. Some personal growth and gearing up for a birthday bash. Good times!

sigh

2011-05-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

I want to write, I really do. But for whatever reason, the words won't go from my brain to the keyboard. I need to get my mojo back, not just for writing, but for crafts, for me, for everything! I'm going to see if I can find it!

Mancake!

2011-03-25T02:47:00.001-07:00

Here's where you come when you want a little mancake with your morning coffee.

Well hello there, Mark Whalberg!

I have to admit, back in the late 80s, early 90s, I didn't give Mark Whalberg much thought. All he was to me was the brother of a New Kid, and a 'rapper' of questionable skills. Let's face it, 'Good Vibrations' has a hook, but Eminem he's not. The video for the song, though, served as a fine exhibition of Mark's smokin' physique.

I haven't seen some of Mark's early films, but I thought he was very good in 'The Perfect Storm'.

We won't discuss 'Planet of the Apes', a/k/a 'Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch' or 'Rock Star'.
Beginning with his role as 'Dirk Diggler' in 'Boogie Nights', though, Mark Whalberg has been pretty much on a roll in making quality movies. 'The Departed', 'Four Brothers' and of course, 'The Fighter' are all great, and I loved him as the grieving dad in 'The Lovely Bones'.

Enough chatter, let's just look at him!

Mmm-hmmm! And lest you think I'm objectifying his lovely, delicious looking body, the man cleans up nicely, too.

So there he is, Mark Whalberg, today's Mancake! Enjoy!

Will Women Ever Be Equal?

2011-03-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

OK, normally I don't cover 'heavy' issues here at the Casa, but this is something that's been bugging me for a bit now. Over the past year, states all around the country are passing some of the strictest anti-abortion laws to ever come down the pike. And the laws that are being signed in to place are slowly but surely stripping away the rights of women in the United States.

Let me be clear up front; I'm not 'pro-abortion' or 'anti-life', I am PRO-CHOICE and PROUD of it. It's not for me or anyone else, and especially not the state or federal government to determine what a woman can or can not do with her body. That being said, let's take a quick look at some of the recently enacted anti-abortion laws from around the country.

Oklahoma- (source-New York Times, April 27, 2010) :The Oklahoma Legislature voted Tuesday to override the governor’s vetoes of two abortion measures, one of which requires women to undergo an ultrasound and listen to a detailed description of the fetus before getting an abortion.

Though other states have passed similar measures requiring women to have ultrasounds, Oklahoma’s law goes further, mandating that a doctor or technician set up the monitor so the woman can see it and describe the heart, limbs and organs of the fetus. No exceptions are made for rape and incest victims. Why is it necessary to put any woman, let alone a woman or a young girl who's pregnant as the result of rape or incest through an ordeal like this?

Texas- (source- AP via Huffington Post, March 23, 2011): ...a bill passed by the House would require that pregnant women have an opportunity to view a sonogram image, hear the fetal heartbeat and listen to a doctor describe the fetus. While the doctor would be obligated to provide the information, the woman could close her eyes or cover her ears, according to the bill, which doesn't exempt victims of rape or incest.

South Dakota- (source- AP via Huffington Post, March 22, 2011): Women who want an abortion in South Dakota will face the longest waiting period in the nation – three days – and have to undergo counseling at pregnancy help centers that discourage abortions under a measure signed into law Tuesday by Gov. Dennis Daugaard. "I think everyone agrees with the goal of reducing abortion by encouraging consideration of other alternatives," the Republican governor said the statement. "I hope that women who are considering an abortion will use this three-day period to make good choices." 'Good choices' meaning the choice the state wants women to make. You can read the rest of this story here .

The house in Ohio has been holding hearings on a measure that would outlaw abortions as soon as the first heartbeat is medically detected, as early as six weeks in to a pregnancy.

This is not about somebody's religious beliefs, this is not about one person or group's idea of what is 'morally correct'. This is about the rights of women. These laws are about de-funding clinics and organizations like Planned Parenthood. And that means that these laws are about low-income women losing access to affordable (or free) birth control, family planning, and yes, an abortion if she chooses to have one. This is about a woman who's been raped being encouraged by her state government to carry that baby to term, because if she doesn't, she's morally wrong. This is about a young girl, maybe 12, 13 years old, who's been sexually abused, and as a result, is pregnant, and she has to be subjected to a transvaginal ultrasound and then encouraged to carry the baby to term, because hey, as Nevada's Sharon Angle says of her anti-abortion position, ' I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for each one of our lives and that he can intercede in all kinds of situations and we need to have a little faith in many things.' WTF? What kind of god has a plan like that? Really? As radical feminist and theologist Mary Daly said, ''God's plan' is often a front for men's plans and a cover for inadequacy, ignorance, and evil. "

It's my belief that as long as the beliefs of a few are being forced upon the masses, women will never be equal. It seems to me that a lot of these law makers should be focusing on JOBS. How is limiting access to safe, legal abortions creating jobs? How is that getting our country back on track?

Any way, tomorrow we'll get back to some lighter fare around here. We'll have some new mancake tomorrow night, and I'm going to post a cool new craft technique this weekend!

Tuesday Mancake (because Monday was kind of a bitch)

2011-03-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

I'll blame it on daylight savings time, but between Sunday and yesterday morning, that hour that I lost has just about done me in. I had a couple of men in mind, and we may yet see them at a later date, but this weeks' mancake is a mystery man!

I say he's a mystery man because most of us in the US have only seen him like this-

Yes, it's the 'crazy hat dude' (that's what I used to call him) from the British band Jamiroquai, a/k/a Jay Kay.

I always liked the song 'Virtual Insanity', but never gave the band much more thought than that. Besides 'Virtual Insanity', you probably also heard Jay singing in the 'Napoleon Dynamite' soundtrack, on the song 'Canned Heat'; the song that Napoleon did his big dance routine to.

Thanks to the interwebs, though, I found this photo of Jay Kay-

And this one-
Besides heading the band Jamiroquai, Jay is a car enthusiast who owns some 37 different exotic sports cars. He has an estimated worth of over $20 million, and also has designed a line of men's clothing for Hugo Boss.

If you don't know anything other than 'Virtual Insanity', check out this song-

So there we are, today's 'Mystery Mancake', Jay Kay of Jamiroquai. Take that silly thing off your head, darling.This is much better!

Monday Mancake- Oscar Edition

2011-03-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

Here's where you come when you want some mancake with your morning coffee!

I have to be honest, when I first saw him, I didn't see what all the fuss was about Colin Firth. Yes, he was attractive, in a 'bank manager' sort of way.

Admit it, he kind of looks like the guy who decides who does or doesn't get a loan, doesn't he?

But, I started watching some of his films, and slowly became a bit more intrigued.

I'll admit, I saw him as 'Mark Darcy' in 'Bridget Jones' Diary' long before I got around to seeing him as 'Mr. Darcy' in 'Pride and Prejudice'. I know that P&P Mr.Darcy has quite a following, but I like him a bit more modern, I think.

I haven't got to see him in 'The King's Speech' yet, but I'm looking forward to it. I think he does a fantastic job in any movie he's in. Oh, and I really liked him as Vermeer in 'Girl With a Pearl Earring'.

So, here he is, Colin Firth, today's Oscar winning Mancake!

If you've got a Mancake suggestion, please drop me a line at kelleyscasa@yahoo.com!

For My Mom

2011-03-06T17:44:00.001-08:00

Dear Mom,

I don't know what happens after we pass, but I hope that you at last have peace. I hope that you have found the happiness that seemed to elude you while you were alive.

I think about you a lot. I miss you more than I ever dared to imagine. There are so many things I wish I could tell you. There are things that I didn't say often enough, like 'I love you'. There were things that I wanted to tell you, wanted to ask you, but was afraid of your reaction, or of upsetting you. I wish I had said 'I'm sorry' a little more often, and I wish I had tried to be a little more understanding.

Ours wasn't an easy relationship, was it? I guess no mother/daughter relationship ever is. Even though we very rarely saw eye to eye on anything, I always loved you. Even when you drove me up the wall, I still loved you!

I felt so helpless the last year of your life. I knew you were getting sicker, so I kept taking you to the doctor, trying to do whatever I could to get you better. A couple of months before you died, you told me that God was punishing you because you had done terrible things. Even though I don't believe in God, that made me so sad. I hated it that you felt that you were a terrible person who deserved what was happening to you, because you weren't. You were sick, and your body was wearing out, but I won't ever believe that you were being punished.

When I found out about my brother, I wanted so badly to talk to you about it, but I was afraid to. By then, your health was getting worse and I was afraid that discussing it would be too much for you. Knowing what I know now, I hope you know I understand. And I'm so sorry that you had to carry around such a huge secret with you for all those years. I wish that you could have talked to someone about it, and I don't know, maybe you did. He's a wonderful person, you would be so proud of him!

Anyway, I wanted you to know that I miss you, and I think of you every day. And I love you. Always.

Kelley

Mancake Monday

2011-02-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, I'm so nervous/excited to be doing Mancake! I hope this goes well!

In the words of Mrs. G., here's where you come when you want some mancake with your morning coffee!

Today's mancake comes to us from Australia.

Thanks, Australia! Simon Baker first gained attention in the United States in 1997's L.A. Confidential, and a few years later, starred in the TV program 'The Guardian'. One of Hollywood's busiest actors, he seems to always be working on a new project. I first noticed him in 2006's (yes, I was late to the Simon Baker love party!) 'Something New', where he played a sexy landscaper Brian Kelly who falls in love with the gorgeous Kenya McQueen, played by Sanaa Lathan.

I was then pleasantly surprised to see him playing the luscious photographer Christian Thompson in 'The Devil Wears Prada'.

He's now best known for his starring role on 'The Mentalist'. I kind of like that I get to see him each week now!

Talented actor, devoted husband and family man, and now, today's mancake!

Remember! If you have a suggestion for Monday Mancake, I'm all ears! Send the info to kelleyscasa@yahoo.com!

Coming Soon- Mancake!

2011-02-23T19:41:00.000-08:00

Since Mrs. G. has decided to hang up her blogging hat, I have decided to continue on with the tradition of Mancake here at the Casa. Stop by every Monday morning to see the latest slice of manly manliness. If you'd like to submit some mancake of your own, send me a pic or two and a bio of the guy that floats your boat to kelleyscasa@yahoo.com.

See you on Monday!

This Is So Not Me!

2011-02-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

I just pulled up my blog and darn near puked! All this foofy, poofy, girly swirly stuff has got to go. Look for a more stripped down look real soon. I've been thinking a lot about blogging over the past couple of days. I have to admit, Mrs. G.'s decision to quit blogging over at Derfwad Manor has made me think about why I blog and what I want to get out of it.

I like blogging because I like to write. Whether it's writing about what's on my mind, a man I like or just something silly, I get a lot out of it. And I feel like it's gotten away from me. I've been letting myself focus on how pretty my blog is, and not enough on how meaningful it is to me.

So, look for me to post more, and for a more simplistic look. I think it's time to strip it down and get busy!

You Should Be Watching This...

2011-02-17T16:26:00.000-08:00

If you haven't seen the show 'An Idiot Abroad', you owe it to yourself to find it on the telly and watch it! It's currently airing on Saturday nights on the Discovery Science Channel.

The show was developed by Ricky Gervais, and the premise is simple. Ricky sends his friend Karl Pilkington to see the Seven Wonders of the World. Karl's observations are hysterical!

The Real Deal

2011-02-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

As I become more mature (I don't get older, I just get more mature), I have discovered that I care less what others think of me. I used to be OBSESSED with worrying about what people thought of me. My mind would race, I would be convinced that people were thinking I was dumb, ugly, fat, bitchy, whatever. I engaged in a lot of self-censorship because I was so afraid of offending someone or hurting their feelings. Over the past couple of years, though, I've come to realize that there are things I believe passionately in, and to keep them in the dark is to deny a part of myself.

So, in the interest of full disclosure, or at least as much as I want to disclose on my blog, here are some of my core beliefs-

1. Legalize gay marriage. Now. You don't even have to call it 'marriage' if you want, but seriously. Everyone, EVERYONE, should have the basic human right to share their life with someone that they love. If Ellen and Portia are happy and treat each other with kindness and respect, they have just as much right to be legally together as the Husband and I do. Gay marriage is not a civil rights issue, it's a human rights issue. A gay couple should be afforded the same financial and legal rights as a straight couple. 'Nuff said.

2. Legalize marijuana. Now. Most of the people who want to smoke marijuana for pain management are not looking to get baked. They just want to be free from chronic pain. They're tired of taking prescribed, 'legal' drugs that often cause more side effects than the illness they are trying to treat. There are a few out there who are just looking for a long-term buzz, but you know what? There's people like that taking prescription drugs, too. They doctor hop and pharmacy hop and sell their pills or trade them for other pills. There will always be someone who will abuse the system.

3. Government, stay out of my uterus. It is NEVER OK for a state or federal institution to tell a woman (or anyone for that matter), what she can or can't do with her body. I am Pro-Choice. Not 'pro-abortion', not 'anti-life', PRO-CHOICE. I don't think abortion should be used as a form of birth control, but I think that any woman has a right to decide if she's going to carry a baby or not. A girl who has become pregnant as a result of rape or incest should not have to go through a government gauntlet to get that pregnancy terminated. She needs help, she needs protection from her abuser, and she needs to be safe and healthy. Teen girls need to be taught, either at home or at school about birth control. Because abstinence only education DOES NOT WORK. Hello, teens have sex. You were a teen once, right? I bet you had sex. And if you weren't having sex, you were thinking about it, and talking with your friends about it. And you probably heard a bunch of BS. As much as it might make you sick to your stomach, talk to your kids about sex. If they ask a question, just answer it in a way that's age-appropriate for them.

4. I'm on the fence about this whole religion thing. I don't have a problem with any particular religion, per se, but I do have issues with religious concepts. I have a problem with people who proclaim to be religious, but they do and say things that fly in the face of their professed beliefs. I have serious issues with politicians who want to re-shape our government to reflect their ideas about God and country. I don't really believe in God, but if you do, I'm cool with that. It doesn't make you a lesser person in my eyes, as long as you don't think of me as lesser for not believing the same as you.

5. President Obama was born IN AMERICA. He is an AMERICAN. There's a black man in office. Deal with it. Put your mis-spelled signs away, stop burning your effigies, let it go. If you want to do something, how about we all toss aside the labels of left, right, Democrat, Republican, and just work together to pull our country out of the cesspool it's currently drowning in?

OK, I think that's it. There's probably more I could rant about, but I think I'm getting sick, and I'm wearing down fast.

I've got 3 more weeks with the boot on my leg, then I'll be moving on to a brace and some physical therapy. The Husband fell in the driveway last Monday night and cracked his elbow. We make quite the fetching couple, what with me in my boot and him with his arm in a sling. Let's keep our fingers crossed that Chickenhead stays in one piece!

OK, Really?

2011-01-21T16:28:00.000-08:00

Today I went to the orthopedic doctor. I figured it would be a quick, in and out visit, he would look at my ankle, go 'mmmhmmm' and 'uh-huhh' and I would be on my way.

WRONG! When I went in, the doctor said that he had looked at my x-rays that they had taken in the ER last week, and I've got a hairline fracture on the lower part of the tibia bone, down near the ankle joint. Which would explain why I had so much pain around my Achilles's tendon. The doctor said he wanted to take more x-rays, and if the fracture was still bad, there might be some surgery involved. WTF?! Thankfully though, the fracture seems to be healing well, so no need for surgery. But what I do need is a massive, black boot for the next two weeks. You know, the one that looks like the less blinged out version of Gene Simmon's KISS boot? Yeah.

The doctor wants me to wear this thing 24/7, taking it off only for bathing. Yes, I'm supposed to even wear it while sleeping. And I've been sleeping so well as it is, [/sarcasm] so this is sure to make me sleep like a baby.

Still, I keep telling myself- it could be much worse. I could have gotten a head injury, broken arms, ribs, etc. Hell, if the driver had been going faster, I could have died. I guess it's just the inconvenience of this boot that's getting me down. I go back in two weeks for more x-rays and hopefully, I can put the boot away.

After the doctor's visit, the Husband took me to Dos Reales for some Mexican comfort food. When all else fails, eat guacamole!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Coffee Shop

2011-01-20T22:07:00.000-08:00

OK, I don't know how much detail I should go in to about this, because I've got an attorney and all that, but here goes.

Last Friday I was on my lunch hour and had just been to the library. I was cold from my walk because Kansas City has turned in to a frozen, snowed over hell, and I thought that at cup of coffee (white mocha with a shot of raspberry to be specific) and a triple-berry muffin from Scooter's would hit the spot nicely. Scooter's is conveniently located across the street from my office. Yay, Scooter's!

So. I waited at the corner of the intersection for the light to change. My light turned green, and I had the 'WALK' signal, but I waited for a car to turn left (which also had the same green light) before I went. I was about a third of the way in to the cross-walk, when BAM!! I had been hit! It knocked me to the ground, and someone was screaming their fool head off. I think that was me!

A nice man from the city waterworks dept. came over from his jobsite across the street and helped me up. He also called 911. The woman who was driving her car didn't get out right away. But when she did, she kept trying to get me to sit in her car. Chickenhead theorizes that she did this in an attempt to kidnap me! Please if someone ever kidnaps me, let them be a really good-looking guy. Not some old lady that I think may have been on her cell phone. She kept apologizing and told me repeatedly that she just didn't see me in the cross-walk. Really? I am not the smallest woman in the world, I think I would be hard to miss. Anyway, I wasn't getting in her car because I had to call the Husband and tell him what had happened. Who doesn't like to get a phone call from their spouse that starts off with "don't freak out but..."? He told me to keep my cool and he would meet me at the hospital.

But I digress. The firetruck came, the police came, the ambulance came. My right leg and ankle were killing me. The paramedics had me climb in to the ambulance and they looked at my leg, poked around at my ankle and said, 'yeah, I think you're OK'. Easy for you to say when your foot isn't swelling up like a balloon in your shoe. I said I thought I would feel better if I could go to the hospital and get some x-rays just to make sure nothing was broken. The police officer came in to the ambulance and asked if I wanted to file a report. Really? OK, thankfully I haven't been in this kind of situation before, and I hope not to be again, but why are they even asking me this? I mean holy shit, she fucking hit me with her car!! (Pardon my french!) So yes, I filed a report and the paramedics shouted 'road trip!' when I told them I wanted to go to a hospital that was close to my home.

I was surprised at how quickly I was in and out of the ER. They took x-rays, which required me to contort my lower body in some extreme yoga-like poses, and I had to strip down to my undies, which is always a good time. The nurses told me that I could either let them take off my jeans or they could cut them off. I got them off myself, thank you very much. Luckily, nothing was broken, but I have a pretty badly sprained ankle.

I still have a lot of swelling, and the bruising is pretty bad on my right leg, and for a few days now, I've had some numbness and tingling in my leg, which I hope will go away. I still haven't gotten to go to Scooter's! The Husband and Chickenhead have been WONDERFUL, helping me out around the house. They are awesome! I'm going to try to go back to work next week, and I'm going to be extra super cautious around intersections now. Yield to the pedestrians, people!

What The Heck Happened?

2011-01-01T06:49:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year! Wow, I didn't realize that it had been so long since I've written anything. Guess that NABLOPOMO thing kind of went by the wayside, huh?

I suppose I haven't written for a few reasons. Seems like life is busier than ever these days. And, to be honest, I didn't feel like writing for a while. I was feeling pretty down about the issues we've been having with The Husband's family, and for a while, I was so filled with anger towards them that I was afraid if I took to my blog to vent, it would get too ugly. That's not what I want my blog to be about. Which led to a lot of soul searching and thinking about what I want to do here.

Since we're at the beginning of a new year, it's time for a fresh start. I'm going to make an effort to post more frequently. Maybe not every day, but at least a few times a week. I'm doing a lot more crafts now that I have my craft room, so I'm hoping to share some of my work with you, and maybe a tutorial or two.

Chickenhead is doing great! He had a wonderful Christmas and has a big milestone coming up in a couple of weeks. Chickenhead will be crossing over from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. There will be a big ceremony at his Cub Scout pack meeting, with lots of ritual and ceremony. He's really looking forward to it, and it's extra special because he's the only boy in his pack this year that's old enough to cross over. He'll be the star of the show for one evening, and I can't wait to see him shine!

So to all of you, Happy New Year! May your new year be filled with lots of love, plenty of laughter and wonderful memories!

Boo!

2010-11-05T20:13:00.001-07:00

Just a quick post tonight, because I'm tired and ready for bed!

Here at the Casa, we love Harry Potter! In fact, Chickenhead went has Harry for Halloween-

We're really looking forward to the new movie coming out in a couple of weeks and have been talking about our favorite characters: Hagrid, Mad-Eye Moody, Harry (of course) Dumbledore, Prof. McGonigle and Hermione and Ron. I haven't read the last book in the series yet, and I'm kind of glad. I want to see the movie without knowing what's coming up.

Are you a Harry Potter fan? If so, who is your favorite character?

'Night!

In The Eye of the Beholder

2010-11-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, or maybe just last week, it's all a blur to me anymore, the internets were up in arms over a blog written on the Marie Claire website. One of the fashionistas over there had written about the TV show 'Mike and Molly' which details the budding romance between two overweight people who meet at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.

In the article, 'Should Fatties Get a Room' Maura Kelly writes that "...I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room ..." Wow. Really? Just wow.

Needless to say, the article caused an uproar. By the end of the week Ms.Kelly was writing a half-assed apology, and stating that because she had once had an eating disorder, perhaps her ideas regarding body-image are skewed.

All of this leads me to ask the question- why does society continue to condemn someone who's obese, but someone who's struggling with an eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia is patted on their bony little back and coddled? It's like some people look at someone who's overweight and say they're 'lazy', 'lacking self-control', even 'unlovable'. But the person who goes invisible if they turn sideways is to be pitied; 'poor thing', 'it's a disease, they can't help it', etc. Is the obese person not struggling in their own way with an eating disorder? Ask any person who's been on a diet, or more realistically, more than one diet, how hard it is to lose weight. The naysayers will sit back on their skinny butts and say, "well, it's just a matter of eating right and exercising more". Really? I never knew.

I would dare to venture that a good majority of people that are struggling to lose weight know what they need to be doing. Believe me, we know. I know that I myself deal every day with thinking about food in ways that most 'normal' people don't. Some days it's not a problem for me to eat healthy, make good choices, drink lots of water and make sure I walk. Other days, I just want a donut. Nothing in life is black or white, this or that.

All of us struggle with something, be it eating, not eating, smoking, drinking, gambling, etc. And it seems like women, catty people that we can be, are the worst at tearing each other down. I know I'm guilty of it; there's been several times when I've made snide remarks about the younger thin girl at work with the body that hasn't carried a baby yet. It's easy to forget that she has things she hates about her body, just like I do. Why can't we all, thin, fat, gay, straight, black, white, whatever, why can't we all just be beautiful? Why can't we try harder to look for the good in each other, instead of tearing each other down? What do you think?

Part 2 of 2

2010-11-03T16:51:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling some better, thanks to getting lots of rest today. My sinuses always seem to have a mind of their own this time of year, so I guess I'd better stock up on meds!

I mentioned in my earlier post today that I would have photos of my craft room, and here they are! It's not fancy, it's not all matchy-matchy, but it's me! I've got plenty of room to work on whatever I feel like working on. I'm going to move a rocking chair in there, too, so that I'll have a quiet place to read.

Here's a shot looking in the doorway-

The Husband found that L-shaped desk at a garage sale, and I love it! I've got my sewing machine there, along with my Slice and Cricut cutting machines. There's plenty of work surface, too.

Next to the desk, in front of the window, is (Re)Pete the Parakeet-

Next to Pete is an old chest of drawers (that desperately needs re-painting) that I'm using for storage of sewing supplies, stickers and embellishments, cards, etc. I need to hang the Eiffel Tower picture I have there sitting on top of it.

Here's the closet. I love having all these built in shelves in there.

All of my fabrics, craft supplies, paper,etc are in there and it works perfectly!

I moved this cabinet in here from the dining room. It belonged to my mom, she had my Great-Grandmother's dishes and stuff in it. I've re-purposed it to hold all my scrapbooks, craft books, photos, etc.

See that light wooden chest up on top? My great-grandfather made it for my great-grandma. It's a sewing chest and holds spools of thread, needles, scissors and such.

Since we're in a crafty mood, let's talk about art. As in art class. Chickenhead is taking art through our home school program. They sent us a huge box of art supplies and a web-cam so that Kai can do virtual art classes with the art teacher. Their first assignment was to draw a portrait. The teacher told the kids that they could trace from a photograph, then go over their traced design with colored pencils, markers, which ever medium they chose. Chickenhead chose to draw a portrait of the Butter Queen herself, Paula Deen. He used a cover of one of my old magazines. Here's the picture he used-

Isn't Paula lovely? Doesn't that mac-n-cheese look tasty? OK, now keep that photo in mind when viewing this-

So many questions. Why is Paula wearing a doo-rag? What's wrong with her eyes? Is she wearing grillz on her teeth? Bless his heart, it's Chickenhead's first attempt at drawing, really, but wow. It looks kind of like Paula had a baby with Li'l Wayne. Let's hope the next assignment turns out better!

Part 1 of 2

2010-11-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok, so I've missed a post already! Well to make up for it, I'll post two today. Right now I'm on here mostly just to change the look a bit, and tweak a few things here and there. I'm home from work today because my sinuses are kicking my butt, so I'm going to medicate here in a bit and get some rest!

With the holidays hurtling our way, it's time to think about holiday dinners! What are some of your favorite foods during the holidays? Do you try to stick to a diet, or just say 'screw it' until January 1?

I'm all about the carbs at holiday time! Mashed potatoes, stuffing, buttery dinner rolls, and of course, the pumpkin pie! I try to limit myself, but it's hard! If I snack before the meal, I make an effort to limit my snacks to the veggie plate, but I sneak a couple of those cute Babybel cheeses in there, too!

I'll be back later with pics of the craft room. Right now, I've got some Tylenol Sinus that's calling my name!

OK, Here We Go!

2010-11-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

It's November 1st and that means it's time for NaBloPoMo- National Blog Posting Month. The idea is that bloggers commit to writing every day, even on weekends, for one month. By writing every day, I hope to improve my writing, and to learn to love my much neglected blog. Because look around, let's face it, I haven't been giving my blog the love it needs!

So, today I'm just going to write four random thoughts, and if you want to comment, please feel free!

1. I realized that this coming Sunday will mark the first anniversary of my mom's death. And I realized that it may never get any easier to deal with the fact she's gone.

2. I can now do multiplication and division of fractions in my sleep! We've been covering them for two units now in Chickenhead's math course. When I agreed that I would take on math with him, I was kind of dreading it. But it's given me a chance to brush up on little used math skills, and even helped me to understand some concepts I didn't get the first time around. So I may still not be smarter than a fifth grader, but I'm getting there!

3. Chickenhead is terrified of a giant cactus in the front hall. I'm terrified that there's probably Lord only knows how many spiders or other critters shacking up in it.

4. My craft room is FINISHED!!!! Yay! I worked so hard for it, and I love it! I'll take pictures and post soon!

Holiday Hoopla

2010-10-12T18:14:00.000-07:00

I wonder what a hoopla is, really? Hmm...something to google here in a little bit.

But yes, we are at that point in the year where we begin to think about the holidays. For some, the holidays are a time of happiness, spending time with family, gathering with loved ones from near and far. For others, the holidays are a time of dread, spending time with people you share DNA with, gathering with people who have the same last name from near and far. For us here at the Casa, things are going to run a little bit differently this year. And I'm glad!

A bit of background- Chickenhead recently started bowling in the homeschool bowling league. He loves it and likes having fun. A couple of weeks ago, the Husband's father and grandfather, The Grumps, showed up at the alley and proceeded to make huge asses out of themselves. They told parents to sit down because they couldn't see the kids bowling. They yelled at the mother of an autistic child to 'sit down, we can't see', and then later, to top it all off, Gramps called her the B-word. Mature, much? I called my FIL to get his version of events and he thought it was all pretty funny. I didn't. Chickenhead was so embarrassed by the way they acted, that he didn't want to go back. I suggested to my FIL that maybe it would be a good idea if they didn't go to the bowling alley any more. He suggested that even better, they wouldn't come to any of Chickenhead's activities again, no matter what they were. Alrighty, then!

I told the Husband- I'm done. Done like the holiday turkey. I'm not going to put up with this kind of nonsense any longer. We have decided that this year, we are having our own holiday here at home. If it's just the three of us, we're cool with it. In fact, we're kind of looking forward to it. We may have a small turkey dinner for Thanksgiving, or we might have a big old Mexican feast. I'll call my brother and see if he and his family want to come over and join us.

Even if it is just the three of us, it will be one thing that the majority of our previous holidays haven't been- peaceful. The Husband and I won't have to get all stressed out over the holiday. And if we're not stressed, we're not arguing, and all of us are just enjoying ourselves and not worrying about who in the family isn't speaking to whom, who's mad at whom, etc. In our Casa, there will be peace! This goes for Christmas, too. We will be staying at home, away from all the madness.

I can tolerate a lot from my in-laws, and I won't deny that during the course of our marriage, they have been at times, generous and supportive. But I draw the line at hurting my child. I won't put up with that. As I told my bestie today, if someone can't treat our child properly, and refuses to treat the Husband and I with respect, I have no desire to be around them.

Since we made this decision a couple of weeks ago, I have felt a lot calmer. I'm not dreading the upcoming holidays like I usually am. I don't have to fret over cooking dinner for 15, and getting no help or even a 'thank you' in return. So, let the holidays begin! Let's talk turkey or tacos or tequila, and tell me, are you starting any new traditions this year?

Yay Fall!

2010-10-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, at last! Fall is here! And it seems like we're having a proper autumn this year, too. Cool nights and crisp, sunny days. I very much enjoy this weather, especially after the heat we had all summer long.

Things are going pretty good. Chickenhead is still doing well with school and has joined a bowling league. Nothing serious, just a chance to get together with other home-schooled kids once a week to have some fun. He enjoys it and looks forward to it.

I've been working on getting his old bedroom switched over to my craft room and it's slow going. It seemed like we would never get all the crap out of there, and now it seems like I'll never get my crap moved in! I just keep telling myself that slowly but surely, it will all get done. And it will. There's nothing but time, right?

I'm trying to keep on crafting, even though a lot of my stuff is packed away, but it's hard. It seems like the things I want to use are always at the bottom of the box, or stuffed way back in the drawer. But I didn't let it stop me yesterday. The mood hit me and I went with it, and I came up with this-

The geisha design was embossed using my Cuttlebug, then colored in with colored pencils. I was interested to see how this would turn out, and I have to admit, I'm rather pleased.

And since I had the Cuttlebug out, I decided to try something else that I've been wanting to experiment with, embossing foil. And it's really easy! I simply took a piece of cardstock, wrapped it in regular aluminum foil, and ran it through the Cuttlebug. It worked!

I couldn't take a very good pic of this one, so you can't really tell that the foil is tinted purple. I used Ranger's alcohol inks, and they work great on foil! This project was so much fun, I'm going to be doing a lot more with foil. It would look great for Christmas cards. The butterflies and the flowers were all stamped and then shaded in with colored pencils.

I realized today that I'm quickly coming up on the one year anniversary of my mom's death. I can't believe it's been a year, already. So much has happened since she passed, more than I ever could have imagined. I hope she's at peace, and I hope she knows that I don't blame her for the choices that she made. She did the best thing she could do at the time, and thankfully, my brother has grown to become a pretty amazing human being. I'm so grateful that he's a part of my life now, and that we have the chance now to know each other.

Getting Caught Up

2010-09-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have really let this thing get away from me! It seems like I've been so busy lately, that I barely have time to breathe, let along blog. But I'm determined to carve out more time for myself, including writing. I find I can focus better on what I need to do when I've cleared some of this stuff out of my head, so let's start, shall we?

A couple of weeks ago, I came home from work and went to see how the day's class session went. Chickenhead was sobbing uncontrollably. "Guess who died?!", he asked. I looked over at the Husband and his eyes were welling up with tears, too. I thought maybe Gramps had died, but no, it was Butters the hamster. Butters, Miss B, the only rodent I ever semi-loved, had died. Chickenhead and the Husband had already put her in a little box, sealed with orange duct tape and covered with goodbye messages written in black sharpie. We had a small, private ceremony in the side yard, where Miss B was interred to her final resting place, just beneath the living room windows. Immediately, discussions began for a new hamster, and by the end of the week, Chickenhead had found her. She's a tan and white teddy bear hamster, who has been named Fury. I have no idea why her name is Fury, but I'll be honest- I don't care for her. She looks kind of shifty, if you ask me. She's no Butters, I know that much. Maybe she'll start to grow on me, but I doubt it.

Home-school or as we've been calling it lately, un-school, is going well. We had a couple of blowouts over math, but we all worked passed it, and Chickenhead is doing good. He passed his first unit assessment in math with an 89%, missing only 3 questions. Compared with how poorly he was doing in math last year at school, this is amazing! He's doing well in all of his subjects, really, and enjoys science and history the most. I still can't get over how much more he seems to like school, and how much less tense he seems. We also made the decision to take him off of his ADD medication and I now question whether he ever needed it to begin with. I kind of wonder if the constant distractions in class were so overwhelming for him that he just kind of shut down and would sit there and daydream? Whatever it was, we haven't noticed any problems with focusing and staying on task than any other child would have.

We're still looking for an outside activity for him to do besides Scouts. He still likes Scouting, don't get me wrong, but he also wants to do a sport, and so we're leaning towards karate, I believe. We looked in to indoor soccer, but it was a little more than we can afford right now. We'll look at outdoor soccer again in the spring.

I've been working on trying to get my craft room up and running, but it's been a challenge. I've got everything cleared out of the room now, but I still have to clean the carpets and put in my desk and all my craft stuff. I wanted to get it ready by last weekend, but it didn't happen. I've been sidelined by a sinus infection, but I hope I'm over it soon. I hate sinus issues!

So that's what's going on around the Casa. I've updated the blog appearance for fall, I hope you like it!

Adventures In Home-Schooling

2010-08-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today marks the third day of 5th grade here at the Casa. I was telling Chickenhead that we needed a name for our school, and so far, we're going with 'Freaks and Geeks Elementary'. I'm not about to ask who's the freak and who's the geek.

Anyway, here at F&G, things are going great! Chickenhead is enjoying the online classes, and the Husband and I like how our schedule is totally flexible. Classes at F&G start around 9AM. Chickenhead works on one or two subjects, either online or offline, then takes a 10-minute break. This allows him time to run around and act like a goofball, and while it sounds odd, when he sits back down to work again, he's able to focus better. I'm starting to think that it's almost asking too much of a child to expect them to sit still in their seats for an entire day. It just doesn't work for some children, and Chickenhead is one of them.

After breaking for lunch and maybe going outside to shoot some hoops, or even running some errands with the Husband, Chickenhead continues with his work. He's averaging about five hours a day to get his work done so far.

Most importantly, Chickenhead loves it. He likes using the laptop, he loves all the books that we got with our course supplies, and I think he really likes setting his own pace. Chickenhead even thanked me yesterday for enrolling him in home-school. I am so glad we did this!

Oh Yeah, This Thing!

2010-07-20T03:25:00.001-07:00

I don't really know what's going on, but my life seems to be a blur lately. I've been busy, but I can't tell you what I've been doing, because I really don't know! Let's see....

We had Chickenhead's birthday party earlier this month. It was a pool party at my father-in-law's house and it was a great success. My brother (!!) and his family came, and we had a wonderful time hanging out and talking.

I've been hard at work clearing out the rest of my mom's things, and getting that bedroom cleared out so that Chickenhead can move in there, and I can get my craft room back. And I'm still not done! I've set a deadline of August 1 for myself, because I want it done! I want to be able to work on my various projects without having to leave everything laying out on the kitchen table.

Other than trying to survive the hellish heat of a Kansas summer, I guess that's really all that's going on. I have a lot of ideas brewing in my head that will keep me busy for the rest of the summer, I'm sure!

For My Son

2010-06-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

My dear sweet Kai,

When you first came in to my life 10 years ago, I couldn't fathom that I could love someone so much. Just as Daddy filled a hole in my heart, you filled the rest and made it whole.

With every day that has passed since the day you were born, I have learned more about myself than I could ever imagine. Because of you, I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Because of you, I have learned when to be firm and when to give in. OK, I'm still working on that one, because to be honest, I think I give in more than I should. I think you know that I'm a sucker!

Even though you sometimes make me nuts, I would not trade my life as your mom for anything on this earth. Your smile and laugh, your goofy sense of humor and your sweet tenderness make every eye roll (yours, not mine), exasperated sigh and occasional temper tantrum worth it.

I'm sure that Daddy would agree with me that you have made our lives much richer for being a part of it. You are truly our blessing, and we treasure every moment with you.

I don't want to even begin to imagine how quickly the next 10 years are going to go by. A part of me wants you to stay just as you are, but I can't wait to see the man you will grow up to be. Maybe I'm biased, but I think you're going to be a pretty spectacular adult!

So happy, happy birthday, my darling boy. Know that I am always here for you, and will love to the moon and back for all time.

Love,
Mom

Wild Kingdom

2010-06-26T17:45:00.000-07:00

While I've been outside for my garage sale for the past couple of days, slow roasting in the hot Kansas sun, I've been thoroughly entertained by these characters-

Aren't they cute?! Three baby foxes have made a home for themselves in the storm drain at the end of our street. Now I know that foxes can be dangerous critters, but they really are cute right now. They come out all throughout the day, popping up out of the drain to lay out on the grass. As soon as a car comes along or someone walks out of their house, they zip back down the drain. Their mom and dad are occasionally spotted running quickly around the neighborhood, searching for food for the young'uns.

The bad thing about having nature so close to us is that people are very curious about these critters. Two women were at my sale and looked down the street and started freaking the hell out! 'OMG, they are so CUTE!!', one of them squealed. The two women tiptoed down the street, seeing how close they could get. Then, they came back up to my house and asked if I had any hot dogs they could feed the foxes. WTH?! OK, first of all, I have serious hot dog snobbery issues, and the weenies I buy are expensive. I'm not about to give them away. Second of all, and most importantly, we are not going to feed the frigging wild animals! If you feed them, they don't learn to fend for themselves, and they shouldn't rely on humans to provide for them. Really? You want to give hot dogs to foxes?

That's not as bad as the lady who came by a while later, though. She stopped when one of the adult foxes ran in front of her car, and she told me, 'I don't know what kind of animals these things are, but Animal Control wants to know where they are so they can trap them.' I'm sorry but I don't believe her, she doesn't even know what a fox is! Plus, I had called Animal Control myself to see if the foxes posed any threat, and what would happen to them if they got picked up. AC explained to me that they will not pick up a wild animal unless it exhibits signs of rabies, such as stumbling while walking or other strange behavior. They will not be trapping them or putting them down or anything else. So whatever, crazy lady.

I imagine that when they grow up, they'll move along, but for now,they are fun to watch. They're not hurting anyone, and they don't mess with any of the neighborhood pets. Heck, they were playing with one of the local cats the other day! I've noticed that our rabbit and squirrel populations have dwindled a bit recently, so I'm pretty sure the foxes don't need my hot dogs!

Garage Sale- You're Doing it Right!

2010-06-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

Even though this year's garage sale has been a crap ton of work, it was a huge success. I made some mad money this time out. A few people I work with have asked how to 'do' a garage sale, and Ashley asked in the comments on my post for the other day, so here's a rundown of what's worked for me.

1. Be organized. On everything! As you go through the things you're going to sell, sort them in to 'departments'. Dishes and glasses go together, but your old roller-skates don't really go with them. If your stuff is well organized when you set it out, it makes it easier for people to look at it, and they're more likely to buy. I put all of the dishes, glasses and 'housewares' type items all on one table. I had craft, fabric and sewing items all near the sewing machine I had for sale. All the toys were together in another 'zone'. I used an old DVD rack as a bookshelf for all the books I sold. When you take a few extra minutes to make everything look presentable, you will sell a lot more. And yes, you'll probably have to spend some time straightening it all back up, but it's really not a big deal. Make sure everything you set out is clean! If you're putting out clothes, make sure they're not dirty or smell like mothballs. Take a minute to dust something off or wipe it down. Nobody will want to buy something that looks grungy. Oh, and one more thing. The Husband thought I was crazy because I didn't set every single thing out at once. I chose to bring out stuff only as I sold the items I already had out. That way, my tables weren't overcrowded, and I had a better variety of things for people to look out. I think this works really well if you are doing a 2-day sale.

2. Advertise! I listed our garage sale on Craigslist because it's free, and I invested in a couple of signs from Home Depot. Put a sign at the main entrances to your neighborhood, and put a sign at the edge of your property to let people know that they've come to the right place.

3. Price everything. I bought some garage sale labels at Wal-Mart and it was worth it. Put the price sticker on the front of everything unless it's something hand painted and then put it on the back. People have told me that they don't know how to price their goodies. It's tough, because you might remember how much you paid for that wedding dress, but that's not a guarantee that it's still worth what you paid for it. Everything depreciates, whether we want to admit it or not. If you have a family antique that you think should get top dollar, don't sell it at a garage sale. For something like that, go through a consignment shop or an antiques dealer. Think about your things like you are a garage sale shopper. Would you pay more than $75 for a used wedding gown? Really? I priced all of our stuff really cheap. Glasses went for no more than .50 each, and I was willing to make a deal if they bought a set.

4. Have enough cash on hand and keep it close to you. If you can, have one person running your cash box. It's easier to keep track of the money if only one person is taking in the profits. If you're having a large sale, get about $75-$100 in cash. Make sure you have a roll of quarters, some fives and some ones. I've noticed that most people who came to my sale always paid in ones or fives. Do NOT take checks. Unless they are a family member or a trusted friend, it's just not worth the hassle of taking a check from a stranger. I made sure I listed 'cash only' on my Craigslist ad.

5. Set up early and take down on time. List your times in your ad and on your signs. My sale ran from 9AM-4PM each day. I began setting up around 7:45AM each morning, and people would start driving up immediately. They are like vultures who can smell a sale from a mile away! If they want to look while you're setting up, it's up to you as to how to best handle it. My experience was that if I politely told them that I wasn't quite ready yet, they would come back. I don't know how I was that polite so early in the morning, especially without coffee, but somehow I did it. I would start tearing down right at 4PM, maybe about 10 minutes before.

6. Finally, have some reinforcements! It's near impossible to run a garage sale single handed. You need to have a break every now and then to have a bite to eat, take a bathroom break, count your money, etc. And when it's all over and done, make sure you take down your signs! Nothing is sadder than seeing a sign and heading for a sale, only to find out that it was the previous weekend.

So have fun kids, and get out there and make some money!

The Vacation That Wasn't

2010-06-24T18:19:00.000-07:00

When I hear the word 'vacation', I always think of this-

(yes, I know it's not the original, but the embedding is blocked for that video)

Anyway, my week off from work has been anything but an idyllic 80's romp. It has been some hard-ass work! I am going to need at least a week at work to recover from this death march of cleaning, sorting, pricing, throwing away, cursing, eye-rolling, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I have had some fun, and as soon as I remember what it was, I'll tell you. The majority of the week has been spent getting ready for the garage sale that we started today. I always forget what a huge undertaking a garage sale is!

Somehow though, I pulled myself together and with the Husband's and Chickenhead's help, we got set up this morning. Wow, people who shop at garage sales on Thursday mornings are serious about their shopping. They are c-r-a-z-y! I had one guy come by while I was setting up and I politely told him that we would be ready in about another half hour. He drove by six times after that to see if we were open. Finally he came up and said he was on his way back home, so could he just look around? I said sure, because he was feeling kind of stalker-ish, and boy am I glad he did. He spent a whole quarter!

I make it a point to say hello to everyone and give them a smile, but some people look like they would rather get their eyes gouged out with a hot spork than be at a garage sale. Why are they even out in public?

At least we had free entertainment while we were outside. In the storm drain down at the end of the cul-de-sac, a den of foxes have made themselves a home. The three baby foxes pop in and out of the drain all day long, spending time playing in the neighbor's yard and lying in the shade of their tree. While it's kind of cool to see them, it's also un-nerving to see how comfortable they seem to be in our neighborhood. They come out all hours of the day, and don't seem to mind us humans at all.

So, I'll be back out there tomorrow, and I really hope I sell the rest of what I have left. It's going to be hotter than you know what tomorrow and Saturday, and I would much rather be in the AC!

I Read More Than Just The Internet (really!)

2010-06-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would try writing a book review every once in a while. I love to read all kinds of books, and I decided that if I read something that really moved me, I would share it with you. OK, here we go...

The Kindness of Strangers, by Katrina Kittle

This is the story of Sarah Laden, a recently widowed mother to boys, 11-year old Danny, and 17-year old Nate. Set in a small Ohio town, Sarah is a professional caterer still trying to get over the death of her husband Ned. Her close friend, Courtney Kendrick, has been right at Sarah's side the entire time.

Sarah's world spins out of control the day she finds Courtney's son Jordan trying to run away from home. The events that follow make Sarah and her sons question everything they know about the people they love and trust.

Without giving away more of the story, I will warn you that this book deals very frankly with the subject of sexual abuse. While Katrina Kittle doesn't go in to graphic detail, there's more than enough detail to make you (well, me anyway)uncomfortable. I think this book could definitely be a trigger for someone who has suffered similar abuse.

That being said, I read the book in about two days. Was it that well-written? No, but the story was compelling, without being too much of a trainwreck. The story focuses mainly on Sarah, her son Nate, Courtney's son Jordan. I'll admit, I wasn't thrilled with how the lead character, Sarah, was written; she comes off as being way too naive and too trusting. Maybe that was the author's intent all along, but I found myself thinking, 'God, what a dumbass!' more than once.

If nothing else, 'The Kindness of Strangers' is a story of healing. All of the characters had individual obstacles in their lives that they were struggling to overcome. I would recommend it with a warning; if you don't think you can handle the abuse aspect, take a pass on this one. The subject matter is heart-breaking, no matter how delicately it's handled.

Success!!

2010-06-13T05:45:00.000-07:00

So, last night I got to meet my brother (heee!!!) James and his family. Let me tell you about it...

Throughout most of the day yesterday, I was kind of nervous. I was looking forward to meeting them, but at the same time, thinking, 'maybe we shouldn't'. I had some last minute self doubts; what if he didn't like me? What if Chickenhead didn't get along with his cousins? But when it came time to go, I was OK.

And it turned out that all of that self doubt was for naught. In a way, it was like we have always known each other. James and I looked at a few photos that I took with me, and we could definitely see the family resemblance between my mom and him, and his daughter. We talked about all the strange coincidences in our lives; he grew up about three blocks away from the house that Mom bought in 1989. James now lives about three blocks away from my late uncle's home, my mom's brother, who was also named James. He went to grade school right across the street from where nearly all of my family is buried. Pretty much all of our lives, we've never been more than 15 minutes away from each other.

Chickenhead and his new cousins got along like they've been friends forever. We felt so at ease with James and his wife, Mary, that it seemed like the most natural thing in the world for us to all be together. The Husband really enjoyed spending time talking soccer and sports with James, and it seems like they might have a lot in common.

All in all, I wouldn't change a thing. Well, except for maybe one. I FORGOT TO TAKE ANY PICTURES!!! I know my friend Carol just screamed 'what?!' right now, but I totally forgot. I took my camera and everything, but we were so busy talking that I never even thought about taking pictures. I will take pictures the next time we meet, for sure!

Things Get Interesting...

2010-06-09T20:05:00.001-07:00

OK, so. As I was riding the bus home tonight, I was checking email on my phone. I had a message from someone on Facebook. I didn't recognize the name, so I opened up the email. The gentleman asked if I was related to Judith Ann G (my mom) from KCK. I tried to think- was this someone maybe mom had worked with at the community center or at the bank? I replied that yes, she was my mom, but I was sorry to say that she had passed away. I asked if he knew her.

The reply I got could have knocked me over with a feather. If I had not been on the bus, I'm pretty sure I would have screamed! He replied that no, he did not know my mother but...he was born on June 9, 1977. He had adoption paperwork with my mom's name on it. My mom had a son, NOT a daughter! I have a brother!

We discussed so much and still have much more to learn from each other. He's married with a family, has a good job and loves life. He's not bitter or resentful of the fact that Mom gave him up for adoption at all. He was blessed to have been adopted in to a loving family, with lots of brothers and sisters and parents who truly cared.

We talked about our kids, our lives, almost anything we could think of. We're going to meet this coming weekend. I'm looking forward to it, but at the same time, will let him determine how close he wants to be, how much he wants to know. I'm determined not to pressure him in any way.

Isn't it funny? He called on his birthday, almost 7 months to the day after Mom's passing. All this time I was fretting over looking for what I thought was my sister, I actually had a brother who has lived in the area his entire life. When he found Mom's name on his adoption papers, he had found me online within about 30 minutes.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that things fall in to place exactly when they are meant to. My life never ceases to amaze me!

Completely Random

2010-05-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to write whatever pops up in to my head and let's see what happens....

OK, Chickenhead's last day of school was yesterday. Yay! Even though he left early because he was sick, it was a day for celebration. Sure, he decided to celebrate by sleeping off a fever, but the Husband and I celebrated by discussing all of the dippy parents we wouldn't be dealing with next year, and the general decline of our school district. Childish and immature, why yes, thanks for noticing.

In other Chickenhead news, I'm getting ready to plan his birthday party. Because of some people in my husband's family, planning this party has involved hand holding, eye rolling, tongue biting and negotiation skills worthy of a U.N. ambassador. I'm at the point where I'm saying 'screw it', and just focusing on the things that will make the birthday boy happy. The Husband and I are betting that the people we are feeling pressured to bend over backwards for won't even show up. I'm getting tired of suffering the stupid people in my life!

We're gearing up for our garage sale in a couple of weeks. The inside of the Casa looks like Fred Sanford's front yard, but hopefully I'll rake in some cash. I've got a little bit of everything and still have more to go through. Hopefully I'll get that done this weekend.

June is going to be a busy month! We're celebrating our Memorial Day with a cookout at Grump Manor next weekend, so that certain family members can attend. Then, the garage sale, the weekend after that is scrapping with my cult-sisters and Father's Day, and then there's Chickenhead's birthday. Phew! I get tired just thinking about it.

Speaking of thinking, I've given a lot of thought to the baby girl my mom gave up for adoption. I've decided that I'm just going to look at the birth records, and then go from there. A very big part of me wants to find her, but I think that would be very selfish of me. I believe that it will be enough for me to know that she was placed in a family that was able to give her a good life. There are national databases online that I can post the info on, and if she's out there looking, I'll let it be her decision to find me.

I have discovered the joys of iced coffee, thanks to my lover, Keurig! It has an iced coffee setting, so I can brew right in to a glass filled with ice, add some sugar and milk, and I'm set! And I'm hooked! Hopelessly addicted!! I plan on drinking it all weekend. I should be able to get a LOT done if I'm that jacked on caffeine!

I'm hoping for a quiet, peaceful weekend. Watch it get all jacked up! I hope you have a wonderful Memorial Day!

Somewhere Out There...

2010-05-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, I first visited this subject back in August, and while it never left my mind completely, it kind of got put on the back burner.

From the time I found out that my mom did have a baby that she gave up for adoption, until the time she passed, that baby was never far from my mind. So many times, I came so close to asking my mom about it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. She was so sick, and some days she just wasn't herself. I was so afraid of upsetting her that I chose to play it safe and say nothing. I have a feeling that towards the end of her life, my mom thought about it often. I don't know for certain, but on more than one occasion, she said that God must be punishing her for something terrible that she did. She said that God must hate her for some reason. She felt that her failing health was divine payback for what had to have been a difficult choice for her.

So now that it's been six months since her death, I find myself thinking about this baby again. Of course, she's not a baby now, she would be a 32-yr old woman. I have located the birth records for the hospital where my mom gave birth, and pretty much all it would take to get some of the details is filling out a form and taking a short ride over to the hospital where they are kept now.

For now, all I really want is to know her date of birth, and if possible, if she was adopted. I hope that she was adopted by a family that loved her and gave her everything that my mom wouldn't have been able to give her. I hope that she had a happy childhood filled with birthday parties and sleepovers and first dates and proms and everything that means so much to a young girl. I hope she went to college, found someone to love, and has a family of her own.

I don't know if I want to meet her, but at the same time, I wonder, has she tried to find her birth mother? Has she wondered about the woman who gave her up? Does she have questions about her biological family? The last thing I would ever want to do is contact her out of the blue when that may not be something that she wants, but the curiosity is great. I have the form filled out, it's just a matter of getting in the car and taking that drive...

So Anyway...

2010-05-12T18:26:00.000-07:00

Every day, I think about something I want to write or vent about on here, and I never get around to it. There has been so much going on lately, in my life and in the world. I think for tonight, I'll just tackle the easy stuff!

Chickenhead is almost done with 4th grade. Today in class, the split up the boys and the girls and you know what that means...yep, THE MOVIE. I asked him if he had any questions about anything, and he said no, but that he thought it would be really cool to have a 10-ft. penis. How am I supposed to respond to that? So I just said nothing. I think it's better that way.

Friday, he and The Husband are going on a field trip with the homeschooling group he'll be a part of next year. I am really excited about this! It's through Lawrence Virtual Schools, and there are around 1,000 kids across Kansas right now that are part of the program. They are part of the K12.com program that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. The best thing about LVS is they supply not only all the books and class supplies that we'll need, but also a laptop! All for $97 for the entire school year!! Chickenhead is looking forward to the field trip, and I think if he gets to hang out with the other kids, he'll be even more excited about homeschooling.

Let's see, what else...Mother's Day was bittersweet. I had a lovely weekend, but it was very hard without my mom. I cried most of the weekend. When I wasn't crying, we went and got a new dryer, I bought some clothes at Kohl's and we had a yummy MD dinner at Jose Peppers. It was rough, though, not buying a card for her this year. I sat down to make cards for my friends, but my not heart just wasn't in it.

And so, that's my life in a nutshell right now. Nothing too terribly exciting going on at the moment. Sometimes, that's a good thing!

Escape!

2010-04-26T03:17:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I was able to get away from it all for a little while. On Saturday, I packed up all my supplies and went scrapping with my friends! It had been ages since I had been able to sit down and work on some pages, and it seems like it had been even longer since I had hung out with my girlies. I missed them! I think we spent more time laughing and eating than we did scrapping, but that's OK. We always have fun whenever we're together.

One of the best things about our get-togethers is the food! There were honey-pecan li'l smokies, regular li'l smokies, some amazing dips, these incredible cream-cheese cinnamon roll ups that my friend (and host this time) Dyna makes (I've got to get this recipe, it's super simple), and I made cupcakes. But not just any cupcakes, I wanted to try something different this time.

I love making the unexpected, and this time I really did it with french toast and bacon cupcakes! I don't usually toot my own horn when it comes to my cooking, but beep, beep, baby, because these were good! The cupcake part is made with extra cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla for the french toast flavor. The frosting was a fantastic maple buttercream that was super easy to make. The garnish? The bacon, of course! I found the recipe here. It was written very clearly, and was very easy to follow. If you don't want to bake from scratch, you could probably get a similar result from a yellow cake mix, just adding the vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg.

Once I got home, I ran down to the Manhole to spend time with the Husband and Chickenhead. I expected Butters to be on her wheel, running her little legs off. But she wasn't. I looked around in her cage and I didn't see her. Then I looked at the side of her cage- the little lookout hatch was open!! Butters had escaped! I casually asked, 'hey, where's Butters?' You would have thought I had yelled, 'FIRE!!', because Chickenhead and the Husband jumped up from their respective perches in .05 seconds. Poor Chickenhead started freaking out and crying, because he was sure Butters was dead. I calmed him down by telling him that if he was upset, it would scare Butters and it would make it harder to find her. The Husband and I began searching, but it was Chickenhead that found her. Butters hadn't gotten far- she was under the coffee table, less than 5 feet from the table her cage is on. After we got her back in her cage, I decided that I had had enough excitement for one day, and I went to bed.

Chickenhead stayed down in the Manhole as they were watching horror movies. Of course, around 3:30, he came in to my room asking if he could sleep with me, using the excuse of Butters' wheel keeping him awake. I'm sure that was a small part of it, I think it was more the scary movies than anything else!

Probably just like Butters, I'm plotting my next escape, too!

When Did I Lose All Sense of Control?

2010-04-22T18:19:00.001-07:00

Where have the past two weeks gone? My life is a blur these days, and I'm getting tired of it. Let me see if I can take a deep breath and get us all up to speed.

OK, first thing. We have decided NOT to move. YAY!! We're going to stay here for one more year. We have no idea where the hell we want to move to, and honestly, I just could not get excited about packing up 7 years worth of crap to move to a home that I may not like. In a neighborhood that I may not like. When it comes to change, I'm fickle. Minor things I can adapt to with no problem, but big things? I will fight tooth and nail before I finally give in. But the Husband and I decided that if we stayed here for one more year, it would give us time to decide where we want to go, what type of house we want, etc. We don't have to rush ourselves (meaning me, mostly)and we can focus on what we really want.

Chickenhead has a new pet, a hamster named Butters. I'm not a rodent person, so for me to allow this fancy rat in to my home was a huge concession on my part. But Chickenhead adores her! He's in to taking care of her, putting her in her ball, etc. I can tell though, that Butters does not like me! She gives me major bitch-face, her little hamster lips curled up in a sneer while she gives me the side-eye. Whatever, sister. I paid for your scraggly butt, so you better be nice to me!

The school year is almost over, and we have made a huge decision about Chickenhead's education next year. We are going to homeschool! Chickenhead had a great teacher this year, but the problem is the assessment testing. It seems that at our school, they spend most of the class time focusing only on reading and math. Science, geography, history and social studies only get touched on here and there. Also, it doesn't seem like they really learn *how* to study for a test, it's just rote memorization. We think that for Chickenhead, studying at home will be the best option for him. And no, I won't have to wear a denim jumper, grow my hair long or have another 18 or so kids! We're looking at the K12program. In this program, Chickenhead would do all of his daily work on a laptop, and then a teacher would check his work via remote access on the laptop. It will be a chance for him to get the attention he needs in class, and work at his own pace. And, we'll get to focus on the things that really interest him like art and science. There are also local K12 groups, so he can connect in real-life with his online classmates. And he'll still have Cub Scouts, so Chickenhead will have a lot of social contact.

Things got kind of nuts around here for a while, but hopefully, I've got everything under control! Let's hope, anyway.

What's Goin On

2010-04-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

I don't usually use my blog to talk a lot about politics or religion because they are deeply personal and often divisive topics. But the past few weeks have brought to light even more damaging accusations of abuse against the Catholic church, and I'd like to talk about it.

Yesterday, the AP reported that in 1985, then cardinal Ratzinger (now Pope Benedict) stalled the removal of a San Franciscan priest who had pleaded no contest to tying up and molesting two youths in the church rectory in 1978. The notion that the man who is now 'God's representative here on Earth' knowingly covered up and ignored reports of abuse is to me, repulsive. In his words at the time, the Pope said he was worried about what removing this priest did to the "universal good of the church".

When did children become something we use and then toss aside? When did society decide to turn a blind eye to the actions of men (and women)who wrap themselves in the mantle of the divine? I know that many Catholics believe that the actions of the higher ups in Rome don't affect them, or that the money that the put in the collection plate each week doesn't support this massive cover up, but it does.

I read this comment the other day on a Yahoo news story about the allegations against the Pope-

"If you've never had to rush a child to the ER to have lacerated intestines stitched back together; if you never had to hold a child who trembled and shuddered each time he/she had to go potty; if you never had to wash the blood from their underwear or take them to ER to have their esophagus repaired; if you never looked into a pup tent covered in blood from slit wrists or had to chase a tormented child through the woods because they were trying to escape themselves and if you never had to cut a dead child down from a tree, you really haven't seen the reality of what these demon seeds from hell do to kids. I have seen this with my own two eyes. When you can say you have seen those things, then maybe, just maybe, you'll realize this has nothing to do with any church. It has everything to do with criminals and those who protect them. The next time you say it's only God who judges, keep in mind that he gave mankind the power to reason. Do you think it's about time they put it into effect?"

While I cringe at the graphic details of that statement,it made me realize that it's time for us as a society to say 'enough' to the pedophiles and the organizations that protect them. It's time for us to listen to the children and to listen to the adults who were once these tortured children themselves.

Have we as a society become so jaded that we no longer care about the basic well being of a child? Yesterday a news story broke about a Tennessee woman who sent her adopted son back to Russia on a plane by himself, because she couldn't care for him. Who puts a 9 year old child on a plane on a child by himself with a note pinned to his jacket? She found someone on the internet who agreed to meet the boy at the airport for $200. The little boy had no idea he was going away for good, he had no idea what was happening at all. The adoptive mother and her mother claim that he was a danger to himself and to others, but instead of seeking help for him, they shipped him back like they were returning an order to Amazon.

My heart breaks on a daily basis it seems, for the children who have to remain silent, who can't speak up for themselves for whatever reason. I find myself thinking of a statistic I read once. It said that one in four girls have been sexually abused by the time they turn 18. For boys, it's one in ten that have been abused by the time they reach adulthood. There are 28 children in Chickenhead's class; it's a very real and very tragic possibility that one of his classmates has been or is being abused in some way.

I wish I had the answer for how to end all of this, but I don't. I think a place to start is by advocating for children. I think we need to listen to the children in our lives and we need to speak up for them when necessary. We need to stop sticking our heads in the sand, and thinking 'oh that doesn't happen to anyone I know/in my church/neighborhood, etc'. The only way we have any hope of ever eradicating the abuse of children is to shine a light on it and expose it and the perpetrators. Only then can we hope that our children can begin to heal.

Hello, Lover!

2010-04-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

I have to confess, there's someone new in my life. Hey, I have needs. And there are some needs that the Husband just can't satisfy. Sometimes, I need something hot. Sometimes, I need something rich. So I did what I had to do...

I bought a Keurig!

What were you thinking, hmm? I have wanted one of these babies for a long time. I love a good cup of coffee, but I'm the only one here that drinks it, so making a whole pot is wasteful. Going to the coffee shop every day can get pretty pricey, too. So a couple of weekends ago while I was lazing away on the sofa and flipping through the TV channels, I landed on QVC. I will watch QVC for hours on end, but never order anything. But not this time! Because they had this coffee maker, the water filter, the 'my K-Cup' and and assortment of 48 K-Cups for an amazing price that was split up in to four low payments. It was destiny, destiny, I tell you, that I happened upon QVC at that moment.

So I've spent the past week sampling all the different coffees that they sent me. I have to admit, I'm not wild about the extra-dark roasts, but I'll manage. When the time comes, though, I'll order a milder roast. Or, I can just buy my favorite coffee at the store and use the 'my K-cup'. Either way, my needs are satisfied!

In other news, we're apparently ready for Easter here at the Casa. Take a look at the egg Chickenhead decorated at school today-

Meet John, the Angry Easter Egg. I don't know why he's angry. I didn't really want to ask. I made Chickenhead put him in the fridge. John scares me.

Spring Has Sprung, and I'm Ready To Spring This Joint

2010-03-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't realize it has been two weeks since my last post. Things have been crazy around here, and I'm not even really sure why. Let me see if I can recall everything...

I had a couple of days off, St. Pats and the 18th. We didn't go to the parade this year, because the weather was kind of drizzly and crappy. Instead, I went to see my friend Gayle, and got my hair did. A totally new hairstyle! Instead of having the mousy, stringy mop that was my old hair, my new and improved hair is a little shorter with layers and the color, oh the color! I told Gayle that I LOVED Sharon Osbourne's hair, but wasn't quite sure if I was ready to commit to that bold a color. She said not to worry, she would cook up something great. And she did! It's a dark brunette, with deep burgundy red highlights. I left her salon feeling like a million bucks! Then, I went to the eye doctor. I got new contacts, and new glasses. Again, a whole new look there, too. I picked out some dark brown frames, and I love them. Chickenhead said they make me look like a nerd, but whatever. I'm a hot nerd!

On the house hunt front...oh this is the thing that is just making me sick. Long story short, we didn't get the loan. But, we still want to move. I need to decide soon if I'm going to give Loony Landlady our notice. But first, we need to figure out where the hell we're moving to! And the moving itself. I have nightmares about it, I really do. We've lived here in the Casa for almost 7 years, and that is a LOT of crap, my friends. All the cabinets and drawers and closets to clean out. All the crap in the garage that the Husband has to sort through. And I'm not even going to mention Chickenhead's room. It doesn't really bother me as much as I thought it would that we didn't get the loan. What bothers me is that we seem to just be floating in limbo right now, not really knowing where we want to move to, let alone getting off of our butts and actually looking for a house. And the garage sale! We need to figure out when we're going to have the garage sale!

Chickenhead is doing well, except for one thing. Friday night, he told me he was having trouble breathing and his heart was beating really fast. I asked him if this happened all the time, and he said no, only in the evenings. The Husband and I think it may be related to the new ADD medication his doctor put Chickenhead on. I didn't have him take it yesterday or today, and I'm going to talk to his doctor tomorrow before I give it to him again. As much as I like for him to pay attention in school, I don't want him to have a heart attack doing it. That's not cool at all!

So that's about all that's going on. I got a mini-makeover and I have no idea what's going on. Nothing too unusual about that, I suppose.

Men I Like- The Midlife Crisis Repeat Edition

2010-03-16T16:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord I can't help myself. I suppose every woman has her 'free pass'. You know, the guy that's number 1 on her fantasy list, the guy that if, she hooked up with, her husband would turn a blind eye. You've got one, right? Well, I've come to realize, I have one, too. I don't think I've ever had a repeat for 'Men I Like', but this guy does it for me. It makes me fee slightly skeevy, knowing that I'm old enough to be his mom, but I think part of the pleasure of the free pass fantasy dude is that you know it's ok to think shameful thoughts about him, because it's not like you're ever going to see him. You never have to worry about looking perfect for him, making sure your legs are shaved, everything is plucked and spandex'd in to submission. You can just be you. So, I'm done rambling now, let us just feast our eyes on the pictorial. Most of these were from a photo gallery on Rolling Stone magazine's website.

Mmm-hmm...I see you baby...shakin' that thing...

Have mercy...wait, who's feet are those?!

Yes, momma likey!!

Just to prove that I'm not obsessed and need a sedative and possibly a restraining order, the next couple of Men I Like posts will shine the spotlight on a couple of other very delightful winter Olympians. I'm fine! Really!

Keeping It Really Real

2010-03-09T17:43:00.001-08:00

My title today is a play on a common phrase at one of the more popular blogs out there in blog-land. You know which one. The one and only Pioneer Woman.

Now, let me state first and foremost, that I am NOT going to bash Ree personally. I don't know her, other than the brief moment I met her at her book signing here in Kansas City. This is more about Pioneer Woman than Ree. Because I don't believe that recent events demonstrate that PW is keeping it real; it's more a case of her altering reality to fit the needs of her blog.

I've been a regular reader of Mrs.G., first at Derwad Manor and now at The Women's Colony. If you've never been to the Colony, do yourself a favor and visit. There are a bunch of wonderful women over there, writing, talking, exchanging ideas. It's truly one of my favorite places on the web. I actually found Mrs.G. through Pioneer Woman, and I truly loved Mrs. G's home-schooling articles on PW's site.

Needless to say, I was more than dismayed that an article of Mrs. G's that was published last week caused such an uproar. An uproar of such epic proportions, that not only were people posting hateful, vitriolic comments about Mrs. G at PW's blog, but they were also spreading their hate speech to The Women's Colony. Further, two people took it upon themselves to find Mrs. G.'s phone number and CALL HER AT HOME. All the while, Ree sat by quietly and simply deleted any negative comments from her blog. At no time did she say anything to her posters about the judgmental comments that some of them made, at no time did she address the hate and intolerance that some of them exhibited so viciously. Instead, on Sunday evening, Ree instead posted a comment of her own, that really came off kind of half-hearted and had a 'can't we all get along' vibe.

I suppose that if that works for her, fine. It's her blog, after all, and she can moderate or not as she chooses. But, I've lost a huge amount of respect for her for throwing Mrs. G under the bus, letting her twist in the wind, however you want to term it. I'm sure that Ree has her reasons for what she did. Maybe she didn't want to offend her readers or her sponsors. Maybe she wants her blog to reflect some idealized perfection that she feels it needs to conform to. I don't know. All I do know is that I found her silence and then fiddle-dee-dee attitude more offensive than anything Mrs. G. could have ever written.

I've learned at the Women's Colony, that not only does Mrs. G. have her contributors backs, but she has the back of every woman that comments as well. At the same time, she's not above calling someone out when they engage in stupid ass internet BS. For that reason, I'm done with PW. I doubt she'll miss me, and to be honest, I wouldn't care if she did or not. I need integrity and tolerance much more than I need pictures of calf nuts.

Tales of a Fashion Don't

2010-03-08T17:46:00.000-08:00

While I try to keep up with the times when it comes to clothing, I'm not a slave to fashion. At least not like I was when I was single. Hey, once I bagged the Husband, the race was over! I retired and put myself out to pasture. So to speak.

And sure, when I was in high school, I followed all the latest trends: skin-tight designer jeans, leg warmers, big hair, lace gloves and those black rubbery bangles, I was all over it. I really thought I had it going on.

But as I've been going through my mom's pictures, I've come across some disturbing evidence that even then, I had fashion challenges. Observe-

Senior year, as a member of the flag squad. I look like I want to cram that flag pole somewhere.

Also from senior year, my best friend Rhonda (in the pink) and me in a blue dress that my friend Carol accurately described as 'having more ruffles than a bag of chips'. We were pretty shiny that night, huh?

Maybe it wasn't just me? The 80's were pretty bad fashion-wise for everyone, right? Is there something hiding in the back of your closet that you'd rather forget?

Men I Like- The Hot Ginge Edition

2010-03-06T12:54:00.000-08:00

Oh dear. Here I go again. My friends truly don't get my taste in men. I suppose I can understand, I mean not every woman can appreciate the raw charisma of Mickey Roarke, or the undeniable talent of Joaquin Phoenix(although I'm still wondering WTF about him). No, I'm perfectly OK with the fact that I have quirky taste in men.

Today's man I like is technically young enough to be my son. Or I'm technically old enough to be his mother. Whatever. He's got red hair and I tell you what, there is something about red hair that gets people riled up. They either love it, or they hate it. I happen to love it. Conan O'Brien? Gorgeous, IMO. Lucille Ball? Comedic genius, I'm sure we all can agree. But there is no doubt that red hair definitely strikes a cord with people.

Today's man I like has been described as the love child of these two-
Carrot Top (who is a scary redhead, kind of like Pennywise the clown in 'It')

and Frances McDormand (one of my most favorite things about the movie 'Fargo')

Yes, I am talking about Olympic gold-medalist Shaun White. Let's stop for a moment to gaze-

I think part of what makes him so attractive to me is the fact that he's doing such extreme stunts, and he makes it look so easy. He skateboards, snowboards, skydives, etc., and to someone like me (who can barely walk and chew gum at the same time) the fact that he gets off on flying down a snow-packed mountain on a piece of wood is pretty awesome! He's a sports rock star, but at the same time, Shaun White is carefully maintaining his public image, because he knows that kids look up to him. We haven't heard anything negative about him (not yet, so don't blow it, Shaun)and as a parent, I appreciate that.

When you break down the parts of his features, he's not conventionally good looking by any means. But he carries himself well; his confidence comes shining through. Confidence and self-assurance are very sexy traits, I do believe. He's got nice teeth, too!

Finally, let's check him out in action-

Life In The Fast Lane (is slowing me down)

2010-03-04T19:09:00.001-08:00

So, my blogging has been sporadic as of late. It seems like I just haven't had enough time lately. Where does all the time go, was I always stretched this thin? Why am I not thin, what with all this stretching?

Anyway, I will briefly summarize the MIL story:

My MIL, while good intentioned, has some personal issues that quite often lead her to make some not so wise choices. You would think, that being 60 years old, she would have learned by now that lying and deception never really get you anywhere. But I guess she loves a good challenge, because she never stops trying. Maybe I should admire her determination to beat the system and stick it to the man every chance she gets.

After being married to The Husband for 15 years, I have pretty much learned to take anything his mother tells me, divide it in half and subtract six, and then I might have an inkling of what the truth is. After being in the hospital for four days because of a diabetic episode, she came to stay with us. Let me say right here that I am not a diabetic, but I'm not stupid. I know that if you say, drink two 12-packs of Coke, eat a tub of caramel sauce, an entire loaf of bread and frozen dinners, your diabetes is not 'under control' no matter how often you test or how diligently you take your insulin. Insulin does not cancel out the Coke.

Whenever my MIL comes over, I'll admit it, I become a nervous wreck. I'm always waiting for something to happen, like finding one of her fake fingernails in an ice cube or having to listen to her dry heave all night long. This time though, she crossed the line. She slept in my bed. IN MY BED! Am I the only one that has an issue with someone else sleeping in their bed? Am I the only Momma Bear out there? Maybe it wouldn't have bothered me so much if she hadn't moved my nightstand so that she could plug in her cell phone, and I know I wouldn't have come unglued if she hadn't left the used kleenex under my pillow. But when I asked her about it and she gave me not one, but three (3!!) BS excuses in less than five minutes, I knew that I. Was. Done.

I know that a lot of her issues are caused by a combination of uncontrolled diabetes and some other medical issues, so please don't mis-understand me. I do want to see her get well and stay well. But, medical issues are no excuse for not respecting someone else's privacy. When that boundary got crossed, I lost respect. The whole episode is over now, and she's back home, and doing relatively well, all things considering.

In other Casa news, I think we're going to go house shopping this weekend. It's hard for me to get excited about it right now. Everything isn't as firm with the bank as I thought it was, so I don't want to fall in love with some house only to find out we wouldn't be able to get it. I don't like being in limbo!

Chickenhead is still growing his hair for Locks of Love. I'm anxious to see how long he will actually do this. He mentioned in passing that he has a strings concert coming up at the local high school, but he doesn't know when it is. Which means, much like the show in January, we'll be running around at the last minute trying to find something for him to wear. He thinks it's the 19th. Of March. Or maybe April. Guess I'd better email the strings teacher, huh?

Just Another Day In Paradise

2010-02-22T17:56:00.001-08:00

Huzzah, huzzah, huzzah!!!! The MIL, who has been crashed out on my sofa for a week now, due to ISSUES, is leaving tomorrow! I would like to say that I love and respect this woman, but she has severely tested the boundaries of our relationship, and right now, I just can't. I have a deep-seated mistrust of her, and have lost all respect for her. I don't know if I can come back from that, at least not at the moment.

Other than that, things are going good. We are cautiously excited- we got approved for a home loan! We can now be in life-long debt, just like the rest of America! Yay us!! We were supposed to meet with a Realtor this past weekend, but the weather caused us to reschedule for this coming Wednesday. We still haven't quite decided on where we want to live, but I think we'll get that figured out soon enough. For now, I'm focusing on looking at houses that are in our price range that are in a good school district.

I missed getting together with my friends on Saturday- I really wanted to scrap with them! I haven't seen them in ages. But, it would have meant leaving the MIL in our house alone for a period of time, and she's proven that she can't be trusted in that situation. I will see them next month, though.

We took Chickenhead to the doctor last Monday for a checkup and a review of his ADD meds. He was using the Daytrana patch, which worked great for a while, but I think his body simply outgrew it. So he's now taking Vyvanese, which I'm able to dissolve in a glass of juice for him each morning. He's doing so much better! It's amazing to see the turnaround he's had in class, even after just one week. He's able to focus, is getting his classwork done and is getting his homework completed in record time. He's even reading on his own, which had really dropped off in the past few months. While I'm not thrilled with him having to take medication, if it's helping him to concentrate in class and get the work done and keep up with his peers, then I'll deal with it. It makes me happy as a parent to see him looking forward to going to school again, and excited about what he's doing in class.

I went to the doctor on Monday as well. I talked with the doctor about how my mom passed away as a result of heart disease and how I was really kind of afraid that I might be headed down that same path. The doctor was great, and he took the time to talk to me, and helped me come up with a plan to continue to try to make the healthier choices when it comes to eating and exercise. I know what I need to be doing, it's just getting myself to do it. I think it's also about accepting that some days are better than others, and if I do have a 'bad' day, I don't beat myself up about it, I just pick myself up and keep going.

And really, that's about all that's going on. I was wanting to make something for the silent auction at school, but didn't get to it. It's just as well, the school carnival is on the same night as the Blue and Gold dinner, so we'll be going to that instead. Maybe next time!

The Adventures of Judi and Judy

2010-02-12T18:06:00.001-08:00

Before there was Thelma and Louise, there were these two. My mom, Judi(with an 'i' to be different), the one on the left, and my aunt, Judy, on the right. They were sisters-in-law, and even after my mom and dad divorced, they stayed good friends. Both were named Judith Ann, but both went by 'Judy(i)'. When they were together, people would sometimes call them by their initials, 'J.P', my aunt, and 'J.G.', my mom. Being the 70's hipsters that they were, I recall them having shirts with their initials on them.

Now as far as I know, Judi and Judy never killed or robbed anyone like Thelma and Louise did. Mostly, from what I recall, J.G and J.P went out to a place called Chapmann's and did the bump and danced to B.T.O's 'Takin' Care of Business'.

You may be wondering what they're doing in that photo. Apparently, J.P had hiccups, and somebody told her that if you plug your ears and then take a drink of water, that would get rid of them. Obviously though, you can't plug your ears and hold a glass of water, so that's where my mom J.G came in. I would like to point out some of the hallmarks of the style of 1973: my mom's 'short shag' haircut (which she made me get also), my aunt's bouffant with bangs, and the frosted blue eyeshadow. Good times!

I went along for many adventures, mostly because we all lived together in Arizona for a time. One such adventure involved driving through Arizona with my Uncle Terry, Aunt Judy's brother. Never one to miss a fad, in the 70's Uncle Terry joined the CB craze and had his wood-paneled station wagon tricked out with the latest gear and a big antenna whipping around on the roof.

It was late one night while we were driving, when we got a flat tire. While my uncle was outside changing the tire, my mom and aunt thought they would try their hand at talking with the other CB-ers out there. My aunt picked up the mic and giggling like a school girl with my mom snickering in the background, she pressed the button. "Hey there good buddy! You got your dog on a leash?" (What the hell did that mean?) J.P and J.G laughed at their cleverness and repeated the message. From somewhere out in the dark Arizona night, a reply came back. "10-4 darlin, you got your cat on a string?" That busted them up completely and they were laughing so hard they couldn't talk any more. I just sat in the back seat and listened, waiting to see what would happen next.

Usually, with Judi and Judy, there was always another adventure waiting to be had. I'll tell you some more sometime! Is your cat on a string?

Just Stuff...

2010-02-04T03:08:00.001-08:00

It’s been a frustrating week, and it’s only half over! On Monday, I was going to update my blog during my lunch hour. I pulled up IE only to discover that our virus protection system is blocking virtually all blogs. I’ve heard rumors of a virus that some people are picking up from blogs, so I suppose that’s why they’re blocked. I understand, but I have to admit it was a bit unsettling to see a pop-up that said my blog was ‘potentially harmful’. Wow. I feel like a felon! I hate it that I can't get my daily fix of Cake Wrecks or PW, though.

I then planned on writing Tuesday night, and well, it was the season premiere of LOST, and hello, I don’t do anything when LOST is on! This being the final season, we are supposed to have all of our questions answered, but last night left me with more questions than ever. I decided last season that the show is too complex to give too much deep thought to, so I just sit back and enjoy the ride. It will all make sense in the end. Won’t it?

Last night I made myself sit down and do our taxes, and got all happy about our refund. My happiness was killed, though, when I got an email stating that the Fed return had been rejected so I had to go back and fix it and e-file all over again. Now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will be OK.

I took last Friday off, and spent the day at Chickenhead’s school for Kansas Day celebrations. I was a bit wary of the whole thing, but turns out the kids had a blast and so did I! The kids made candles, tin punch candle holders, and homemade butter. The butter was a huge it; the kids simply poured some heavy whipping cream in to a mason jar, put the lid on tight, and shook the jar for 10 minutes. Voila! Butter! We served the kids lunch, which they ate from tin pie-plates, and sat on blankets on the floor. I was really glad I volunteered, and the mom’s who were in charge of the event did a great job.

Towards the end of this month is the school carnival and I‘ll be making a couple of things for the silent auction. I’ve also been working more on going through my mom’s things, and have gotten a lot accomplished. Now if I could just get rid of that dollhouse kit! Anyone wanna buy a dollhouse kit? Let me know!

A Lifetime

2010-01-27T18:51:00.000-08:00

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

My Darling Husband,

I can scarcely believe that we have been married for 15 years. In some ways, and on some days, it seems as though we've been together forever. For freakin-ever!! But then again, it sometimes feels like those years have flown by in a matter of days. These 15 years we have shared have brought me my highest highs and the lowest of lows. Some days, I have wanted to run away as far and as fast as I could (which if you've seen my Wii Fit score, is not far or fast at all), and most days, I could never imagine a life without you in it.

You and I have seen the best and worst of each other. We've been there for each other through thick and thin, good times and bad. Loving you has made me a better, stronger person. Seeing you grow as a person has made me proud to be your wife. Knowing how much you love Chickenhead, and seeing the closeness that the two of you share fills my heart with love and joy. You and I both know how difficult a childhood without love can be.

I could go on and on with this, but I won't. I will close this by simply saying that you are my heart, you and our son are my world. Thank you for 15 of the best years of my life. I love you.

I Choose Joy

2010-01-19T09:56:00.000-08:00

I just want to take a moment from my ogling and fantasizing about Anderson Cooper to reflect on something.

One of my most favorite quotes comes from 13th-century Persian poet/philosopher, Rumi. "The hurt you embrace becomes joy". For a long time, I didn't quite fully understand those words, even though they touched my heart.

Over the past couple of weeks, though, the true meaning of this has become clear to me. When I wrote my blog entry for December 31, I had no idea how my words would impact others. I really just wrote it to free myself of something that had been sucking my spirit dry for years. On New Year's day, a relative called, in tears because she had read my blog. Of course she had no idea that this was part of my past. I felt bad that I had upset her, but she felt bad for me! Since then, others who have read that entry have been incredibly kind and supportive, and have said nothing but encouraging, hopeful words to me. For every one's support, I thank you.

I learned to embrace something that had caused me a lot of pain, and I let it go. And in doing so, I have found an indescribable joy, clarity and peace becuase of my decision to write those words. Our lives are what we choose them to be, and every day, we can make the choice to be happy or not. I choose to be happy, I choose joy.

And now I'm choosing to go back to staring at that picture of Anderson Cooper, so carry on!

Men I Like- The Silver Fox Edition

2010-01-19T06:05:00.000-08:00

You know what our country is sorely lacking? A good news man (or woman). Someone who will tell it like it is, and not be afraid to get their hands dirty to deliver us a good news story. Walter Cronkite is gone, as is Peter Jennings, two of the all-time greats in my opinion. But thankfully, we've got a guy who has some serious potential- Anderson Cooper.

Yes, Anderson Cooper. Have you watched AC360, his CNN news program lately? It's good stuff. And even better than his studio work is Anderson's 'in the field' reporting, first in the days following Katrina in New Orleans, and now in post-earthquake Haiti. Time and time again, he goes beyond just covering a news story, and genuinely cares about what he's covering. Check out this video of him helping a boy to safety in Haiti (warning- it's graphic)

He doesn't seem to care about covering the looting that's going on around him, he just wants that little boy to be safe.

What else do I love about AC? Well, his mom is Gloria Vanderbilt, and I loved her jeans when I was in high school. He's an admitted 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' fan, and he let's Kathy Griffin drop the f-bomb on TV, which is always good for a few giggles. And while rumor has it that I may not be of the right persuasion to catch Anderson's eye, I don't care. He's a good news man, and all around great guy. And hello, he's hot! Check out that bod!

Right Now...

2010-01-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

Right now, there is nothing going on at the Casa that is more important than what is going on in Haiti. The devastation is at times, incomprehensible. I have been appalled at the comments made by American idiots at large, Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh. I'm not going to dwell on them though, because in the end, their words, their hate and their ignorance will come back to haunt them. Karma's a bitch, boys.

I cried watching the news this morning, hearing that an 11-year old girl who was pulled from the rubble died after she was transferred to a hospital. I cried tears of happiness while watching a report on an 18-month old baby girl who was pulled out of the rubble and survived, and was reunited with her uncle. He's the only living relative she has now. I cried because I have so much, and there are so many who have nothing.

I am reminded of the saying that no one person can do everything, but together, we can all do something. I made a $10 donation to the American Red Cross by texting 'HAITI' to 90999. I know first hand how difficult times are here for us in the States. But I encourage everyone to donate whatever you can. There are few events in our lifetime that require us all to pause our ignorance, our prejudices and selfishness for a while and stand together for a cause. I think this is one of those times we need to stand together.

For a complete list of legitimate organizations you can donate to, please check out this list at CBS' web site.

In a gentle way, you can shake the world. - Gandhi

**Edit- Also, you can play the Free Rice game down on the left side of my blog, or go to their site and your clicks will go towards helping out with food in Haiti. Free Rice helps to support the United Nations World Food Programme, so not only will you learn a thing or two, but sitting on your butt here in front of the computer will actually help out!

I Really Have No Idea Anymore

2010-01-14T15:40:00.001-08:00

I think I've got the winter blahs. I sit around the Casa and see so much that needs to be done, but I just don't have the ambition to do it. I'm starting to tackle some projects, though, and once I get in there and get going, I'm OK.

I've started going through some of my mom's things. I'm sorting out what to donate, what I want to keep, what I may put in a garage sale in the spring. I hadn't really realized how much 'stuff' my mom had. It's sometimes difficult to decide whether to keep an object or let it go; am I keeping it because I feel like I have to, or because it means something to me? It's going to be a longer process than I anticipated, that's for sure.

Chickenhead had a strings concert the other night. He was incredible! When he played, it sounded like actual music! Really, all of the 4th grade strings kids sounded great. The 5th grade band, well...not so much. My hat's off to the music teachers of the world because some of those kids sounded like they were torturing animals with their instruments. Chickenhead was looking good, too. It was his first time to wear a tie. We didn't have a clip-on, so he had to wear one of the Husband's ties. I have to admit, the kid cleans up pretty good-

Not much else is going on around here, really. The Husband and I are gearing up for our 15th anniversary at the end of the month. No big plans, maybe dinner out. I need to make some cards, I feel like I can get back in to that now that the holidays are over and the house is back to some sort of order. We're wanting to buy a house, God help us. I'm tired of Loony Landlady, and we're not getting more for our money by just renting. So keep your fingers crossed that we can get qualified for a loan, and find the right house. We're hoping to luck in to a foreclosure property, fingers crossed!

The One True Thing

2010-01-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?"

~Buddha

"All the religions of the world, while they may differ in other respects, unitedly proclaim that nothing lives in this world but Truth."

~ Gandhi

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."

~ His Divine Holiness The Dalai Lama

"Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today..."

~ John Lennon, 'Imagine'

For most, if not all of my life, I have not been religious. I would occasionally go to church with my great-grandmother, or grandmother, and in the summer, there was vacation Bible school, but that was the extent of my exposure to religion. For a while as a teenager, I was attracted to the ceremony of the Catholic church, and still find it fascinating, I have to admit. The husband and I got married in a Methodist church, and later on Chickenhead was baptized in the same church, but other than an occasional wedding, I haven't been to church in years.

But. I have seen far too many hateful, hurtful things done in this world in the name of God. And while this doesn't mean that I think that all Christians or Muslims or Buddhists or Hindus are extremists who will do harm for the sake of their beliefs, it has led me to believe that for me personally, organized religion is not for me.

I don't believe that any one religion is the 'right' religion. I don't believe that his Baptist God is better than her Catholic God. I don't believe that God is a vengeful entity who will punish us when we do something wrong. I don't believe that life is a contest in which you must perform a set number of good deeds in order to get to heaven, and that if you do 'bad things' it's an automatic e-ticket to hell.

What do I believe? I believe in a Divine Spirit, call it God if you feel it must be named. I believe that 'God' is a loving and forgiving God who wants us all to do well during our time on Earth. 'God' wants us to learn from our experiences, our successes and our failures. I believe that each person has a moral responsibility to be kind to their fellow man. I believe that man has the capability to make the choice every day to do good or to do bad. If you choose to do good, you not only enrich the lives of others, but also your own life. If you make the choice to do bad, you destroy everyone including yourself. God does not make those choices for you, you do. I don't necessarily believe in Heaven or Hell, but that's just me. I do believe in karma, and that what you put out in to the world will come back to you. If you try to do good, good will come back to you. If you do bad, bad will come back upon you. I don't believe that someone necessarily has to die in order to be rewarded for their well lived life, or get their just desserts.

My mother in law gets upset that we don't take Chickenhead to church on a weekly basis. I don't think we need to take him to a church to have a relationship with God. And if he wants to explore different religions, I'm down with that. I would love to attend services at a Jewish temple, or Buddhist or Hindu ceremony; I think it's important not only for children to learn tolerance by experiencing other cultures, but it's also important to continue learning tolerance as adults, too. We can all learn just as much from Gandhi and Buddha as we can from Jesus, Mohammad and Shiva. Peace...

Cleaning Out My Closet

2009-12-31T09:47:00.000-08:00

In yesterday's post, I talked about how I am ready to let go of my past and accept that there are things in my life that I can't change, and I'm done with beating myself up over them. Today's subject is one of those things.

Other than my husband and my best friend, I've never told anyone about this. I never told my mom. I feel conflicted about that, too. I guess I shouldn't say I've never told *anyone*. I did write an article anonymously over at The Women's Colony, and received a tremendous amount of support. I could have left it at that, but it's time for me to stare this demon down and not let it rule my life anymore. I'm talking about it on my blog not because I want pity or even praise for being so open and honest, but because I have to exorcise this demon from my life once and for all. So here goes.

As a child, I was sexually abused. From the time I was five years old, until I was seven, by my baby sitter's husband. I'm not going to go in to the sordid details, but suffice to say, I knew way too much about things of a sexual nature sooner than any child should ever have to. I know that there were girls before me, because he told me so, and I'm sure there were girls after me. My heart breaks for them.

I never told my mom when it was happening, because he told me that she wouldn't believe me. Looking back, I don't know if I know that to be true, but I do know that I recall feeling like I couldn't tell her because I was afraid it would make her mad. As a parent now, I can't help but wonder, did she have any suspicions? Were there any red flags? I remember being terrified when I got to the sitters house every morning, praying that he would have already left for work. I remember the dread of going back there every day when I got out of school, knowing that there was a chance I would be left alone with him, as he would watch me after my sitter left for her job, until my mom picked me up after she got off of work.

I stopped going to that baby sitter at the end of my first grade school year. That summer, my mom and I moved with my Aunt Judy to Arizona. I tried every day to forget about what all he had done to me, but you never really forget. And those experiences shaped me and molded me in ways that to this day, I'm still trying to undo. I had a deep-seated mistrust and a lot of rage towards boys then boys in high school and then men, but at the same time, maybe because my own father was absent, a desperate desire for their attention. I was more promiscuous than I should have been, I made a lot of foolish choices based on my early experiences with men.

At some point in early adulthood, though, I had had enough. I finally realized and understood that what he did to me was NOT my fault. It didn't happen because I was bad, it happened because he was a sick person. Deep down, I think his wife knew, and I think she turned a blind eye to the whole situation, which is tragic for all the children she watched. I would love to have asked her, but she died when gas line in her home exploded back in 2004. As for her husband, I found out that he died of a massive heart attack in the mid-80s. Karma indeed.

As a parent myself now, it has made me very alert to who Chickenhead is around. I preached the evils of stranger danger and good touch/bad touch early and often. He probably thinks I'm a bit crazy, and he might be right, but he knows that I've got his back. He knows that he can tell either myself or the Husband anything, and we will support him and we are always there for him.

As a survivor (that sounds kind of silly, but I guess I did survive and now I have that diso song in my head!) of sexual abuse, all I can tell you is talk with your children. Let them know that they should never be afraid to discuss anything with you. I'm not saying to run a background check on every adult your child comes in contact with, but if they're spending a lot of time around other adults and you're not there with them, just keep an eye and an ear open. Make un-announced visits if you can. Look for changes in your child's behavior, sleep pattern, appetite. If they express dread or displeasure about going around someone, talk to them. I think the hardest thing for me was that because my abuser was an adult, I believed him when he said that my mom, another adult, wouldn't take my word over his. We teach our children to mind adults, and they're taught to learn that adults don't lie. It's an ugly trap that children end up in.

So. There. I've written it all down, I've said all I need to say about it. You are done here, demon, and you won't rule my life anymore. Thanks for listening, y'all!

Let's Move On, Shall We?

2009-12-30T09:44:00.000-08:00

I can honestly say that I will be quite happy to see 2009 leave already. This has not been the best year of this decade. There was the summer of death, when everyone in Hollywood died (ok, almost everyone), and then my mom died, and people were losing their houses, their jobs, dogs and cats were living together....it hasn't been good.

But this decade, this decade has been rather remarkable for me. At the beginning of the New Millenium, I had Chickenhead, the best and brightest Y2K baby ever. From then on, my world has been forever changed, and for the better. No matter how crappy this past year has been, I wouldn't change the past decade for anything, no sir.

For me, part of moving on is letting go of the past. My mother's passing has allowed me to see that there are things that I can never change no matter what. There are things that have happened that I had no control over, that weren't my fault, and so it's time to stop beating myself up about it. It's a realization that some things can hold us back whether we realize it or not, and in order to move forward, I need to acknowledge them and let them go. So once in a while, you might see a more serious post here, but rest assured that I'm doing fine. I feel like the 'old' me (but I ain't old, got it?!), I feel like I am ready for new challenges, new adventures, more good times with my old, also not old friends, and much more time with my home team, The Husband and Chickenhead. I have a feeling that 2010 is going to be a VERY good year, and I'm looking forward to it!

May all of you have the best New Year ever!!

T.G.I.O- Thank God It's Over!!

2009-12-29T09:15:00.000-08:00

First, I would like to say that I really hate having this attitude about the holidays; that looking forward to them ending is a bigger part of my life than looking forward to them arriving. Maybe next year, I'll get more excited about it. This year, Mother Nature and other mysterious forces were at work to not only make me crave an IV of Cuervo, but to also run screaming in to the night like a character from a Stephen King novel. Here's the quick run down...

My BIL, who's divorce was finalized in September, wanted everyone to come out to his new girlfriend's house for Christmas Eve dinner. The Husband and I have been hosting the dinner in our home since Chickenhead was just a little hatchling. I've always enjoyed hosting it, and having the house filled with the laughter of kids and adults alike. I told BIL that I knew that this year had brought a lot of changes to his life, and that he wanted to make new traditions with his kids. This year, having everyone come over for dinner also meant a lot more to me because of my mom's passing. She hated the holidays in general, but I really do think she kind of liked hanging out with my in-laws for a bit.

My MIL, who has a big heart and means well, offered to spend the night at our house the night before Christmas Eve so that she could cook during the day while I was at work. I was fine with that, even though my eyes got a little twitchy in the corners at the thought of someone else in my kitchen, going through cabinets and drawers, putting stuff away wrong, etc. I was trying to let it go, and just go with the flow. When I came home that night, there was a sign on the front door that said, 'Caution- the floor in the hallway is slick. REAL SLICK'. I went in and sure enough, the floor was slicker than snot, but luckily, I didn't fall. The Husband and my MIL, however, were not so lucky, as both of them fell on their butts. I asked what had caused all this slickery. Turns out she was trying to marinate some aspeargus in Italian dressing, and when she was bringing it in, it spilled. Even though they cleaned up and mopped, the floor was still a danger zone. Again, my eyes got twitchy, but I just pasted a smile on my face and whipped out my Swiffer Wet Jet and had a good scrubbing session.

Christmas Eve, at last! I got off of work early, and the Husband picked me up. By this time, weather here was turning nasty quickly, and we were getting the required layer of ice that preceeds all snow storms in the Kansas City area. We got home and went inside, still stepping carefully on the hallway floor. I went in to the kitchen and my eyes started twitching immediately, so I just turned around and went back out. My FIL and Grand-FIL came over for dinner and we actually had a nice time eating and talking. MIL forgot to serve the aspeargus, but nobody noticed. It was one of the many dishes she makes and never serves, or serves but nobody eats. FIL then announced that they had to hurry along the gift opening, so that they could head out in what was now a blizzard, to BIL's dinner over an hour away. There was a flurry of wrapping paper, and before I knew it, they were out the door. I spent two hours cleaning my kitchen, and just as I finished, MIL comes in and says, 'Oh I stayed away long enough to get out of cleaning!'. Yeah, ha-ha! You funny! Actually, I didn't mind cleaning because she had spent all day cooking/decimating my kitchen, so all's fair I suppose.

I had Chickenhead take his shower and get ready for bed so that Santa could come. Actually, Santa had taken a tylenol PM, and was ready for some serious sleep. But alas, sleep was not to be. Chickenhead was bunking down in the Manhole, the Husband's TV room down in the basement. They were going to watch a movie and then crash. Nope, didn't happen. Chickenhead woke me up from my medicated slumber at 1 AM sobbing hysterically. It took me a couple of seconds to figure out if it was a dream or for real. 'Santa didn't come, he doesn't love me!!', he sobbed. I spent a good 20 minutes both trying to wake myself up, and get Chickenhead calmed down. I finally told him that hey, Santa won't come as long as he knows that you're awake. I had Chickenhead get his pillow and crawl in to bed with me. The Husband had crashed down in the Manhole, so Chickenhead got in bed and finally, mercifully, went to sleep. I did, too, and woke in the pre-dawn hours to smuggle the presents from their hiding places out to under the tree.

Christmas moring came and we watched Chickenhead open his gifts. He proclaimed it the best Christmas ever. Yeah, that didn't last long. I took the cover off of our parakeet, (re)Pete (the first Pete died)'s cage, and he was all fat and puffy and weir looking. I remembered that was how Pete I looked right before he died. The Husband and I moved his cage to a warmer spot in the room and got a heater going on his cage to keep him warm. For the rest of the day, I was afraid to go in to the dining room, for fear that (re)Pete would be lying there in his cage. Luckily, he's alive!! He's just fine, thank God.

My MIL spent Christmas Day and the weekend crashed out on the sofa in the family room. She ate an entire pumpkin pie during that time, claiming that her blood sugar was too low. I know that pie does have some restorative powers, I sure feel better after some pie, but dang. I don't think pie is a cure for diabetes. Finally, FINALLY, the MIL went home on Sunday. By then we had six inches of snow and I had a raging case of cabin fever. But it was over! My long holiday nightmare was OVER!

Even though the entire holiday weekend made me slightly crazy, I cherish the good moments. Watching Chickenhead playing with his new toys, checking out his new clothes, fixing our traditional Christmas morning breakfast of pancakes and sausage, and just spending time together. These people may make me nuts, but there's a lot of love mixed in with all the insanity. That being said, I'm really glad I don't have to do all of this again until next year!

Lost and Found

2009-12-18T09:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's me again. I found my way back here. I've been meaning to write for some time now, but you know, the holidays and all? And am I the only one that is kind of over the whole thing? Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, the 'magic' of it. I love the look in Chickenhead's eyes when he opens up presents. I love houses that are all lit up like the runway at the airport. I love cookies and hot cocoa, yadda, yadda, yadda. What I don't love is the insane race that we always seem to end up in starting after Thanksgiving. You've got one month to decorate, do cards, take pictures, attend school programs, bake (actually I like this part), buy presents, obsess over whether or not you got the 'right' present, on and on and on. It's no wonder everyone is on edge by now. The most common phrase I've heard this week? 'I am SO over this!' Yeah, me too. It's very easy to get so consumed by all the other nonsense that we forget the real reason for this holiday, and what our family means to us. I'm going to try this weekend to find my way back to the things I really enjoy about the holidays and forget the rest.

Last week, I found a cousin of mine on Facebook. We haven't seen each other in almost 30 years. How did that happen? His father was my uncle, my mom's brother. When my uncle died in 1981, my mom stopped talking to his wife, and so I haven't seen my cousins since then. I'm always kind of taken back when I see or talk to someone from my past. My cousin is almost 40, has a 19-yr old daughter, how can that be? His sisters are in their 30s now and have kids of their own. I feel bad that we've all missed so much of each others lives.

I started going through my mom's pictures. My cousin was only 10 when my uncle died, and he has a lot of questions about his dad. I told him I would do what I could to answer them. Going through mom's photos, I found a lot of pictures of my uncle as a little boy, in high school, then in the Navy. I've scanned them, and am giving the originals to my cousin. I even found a letter that my uncle wrote to my grandparents back in '68. I'll be giving that to my cousin as well, because he told me he didn't even know what his father's handwriting looked like. For some reason, that touched me deeply and filled me with sadness. I want him to have these things, and I think my mom would want him to have them, as well.

Going through the photos also somehow led me to spending a lot of time on ancestry.com. Boy, is that site addicting! Maybe it's kind of nerdy, but I get a real kick out of looking at old census records, and marriage records, and trying to figure out who's who in my family tree.

In a lot of ways, I'm starting to feel like myself again. I don't know who I was for a while, but I feel like the old me. Does that make sense? Probably not, but I feel like a fog has been lifted, and I can breathe again. I think I was a little lost for a while, but I've found my way.

Some Thoughts on Vegetarianism

2009-12-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been thinking more and more about cutting back on meat consumption. I don't know if I could ever commit to a vegetarian lifestyle, but several things are making me consider some serious dietary changes.

The first thing that made me seriously consider less meat was watching the documentary, 'Food, Inc.'. Even in you have zero interest in stopping your consumption of meat, I encourage you to see this film. Educate yourself about where the food you put in to your body comes from. The realization that the meat that we eat, either from the supermarket or the fast-food joint is essentially 'factory food', was a real eye-opener for me. Can I give up the tasty bacon? I don't know. I don't know if I can live a life without bacon or a burger or a bacon-cheeseburger. But I think I can live a life with lessbacon, or at least bacon that comes from a more ethical source.

Second was former Vice President Al Gore's appearance on Larry King Live in which he stated, "the impact of meat-intensive diet is a significant factor" in warming the planet, that "the growing meat intensity of diets around the world is bad for the planet," and that "the more meals I've substituted with more fruits and vegetables, the better I feel about it..." Reducing one's intake of meat is the single most significant thing you can do to reduce your carbon footprint if you're in to that sort of thing.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, is the realization that heart disease is very prevalent on both sides of my family. My father died from heart disease in 2005, and my mother's sudden death last month was most certainly a result from heart disease and high blood pressure. Diets filled with lots of tasty meat are also filled with lots of saturated fat. I like to imagine that at 42, I am much too young to be thinking about hardened and clogged arteries, but that's not my reality.

So, what do I plan on doing? Well, like I said, I don't see myself joining PETA anytime soon. I can't get with any organization that wants to rename fish 'Sea Kittens' in an effort to get people to stop eating fish. The folks at PETA, while I'm sure are well-intentioned, are plainly put, freaks. They are what makes me hesitant to embrace a vegetarian lifestyle, because Lord knows I don't need to be any freakier than I already am. But I do plan on reducing the amount of meat that I eat. My goal is to have two or three meatless days a week, and when I do eat meat, to try to eat only meat that was raised and slaughtered ethically. It won't be easy, and I'm sure I'll fall off the meat wagon (HA!) more than once, but I feel like I owe it to myself and to my family to try.

What about you? Could you give up meat? Could your family go meatless for one or two days a week?

Christmas Time Is Here

2009-12-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

I'm still kind of waiting to see how Christmas will affect me this year. It was not my mom's favorite holiday, although I'm not sure why. I find myself with a lot of questions about her and her life that I may never get answers to. At any rate, I'm looking forward to the holiday, the decorations, and the cards.

I love getting Christmas cards! I like cards that come with photos or without. Especially in this era of emails, e-cards, IMs and texting, it's nice to get something tangible in the mail. Something with handwriting on it that someone took the time to address and mail to you. I like making cards, too. I've made my Christmas cards for the past few years, and it's something that I really enjoy.

This year, I mixed it up and made all different kinds of cards. Most of them are very non-traditional as far as colors go. I love red and green, but I also love different, unexpected color combinations.

For example, take a look at this-

(ok, I don't know why that picture is standing on it's side. It was oriented the right way when I went to upload it.) I love the combination of pink and black. It looks kind of funky and retro and maybe even a little elegant. I've wanted to do a black Christmas card for a while, just because I like the idea of being different. Here's another one-

Sweet!

Some of my other favorites this year feature blues, greens and purples-

And yeah, there's some red and green, too-

(Sorry about your necks! Looks like that one's all wonky, too)

No matter what the holidays mean to you, I hope that they bring you much happiness and peace! Happy Holidays!

OK, So I've Been A Little Busy...

2009-12-01T13:26:00.000-08:00

We're still in a midst of a holiday hurricane here at the Casa. Things will calm down soon, I'm sure, but for now, I'm going in about 60 different directions.

The tree is half-way up, and may not get finished until tomorrow. I don't know about you, but when I put the tree up, I have to put the lights on a certain way. I wrap each branch in lights as I put it on the pole. Thanks to my OCD lighting issues, my new strand of 300 white lights did only the bottom three tiers of branches. And guess who doesn't have more white lights? Mmm-hmm... So tomorrow I will send the Husband out to pick up more lights and we can get that beast finished already.

I have got one thing accomplished- I got all of my Christmas cards made and all but five of them in the mail. I need to go get more stamps and I'm sure by then, I'll think of about ten more people I should send a card to. I'll post pictures of the cards later tonight.

Christmas shopping still needs to be done. I bought Chickenhead three things from Amazon.com. He loves a series of children's books called 'The 39 Clues', so I bought him the latest book, a card game and a calendar. If you ask him specifically what he wants this year, he'll rattle off a few video game titles and the always popular Nerf dart gun. Have you ever been attacked by a 9-year old with a round of 100 Nerf darts in his semi-automatic Nerf gun? I have, and it's not pretty.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend. My girlfriends are coming over for the annual cookie exchange! We had so much fun last year, sitting around talking and nibbling on tasty treats! I've got two recipes up my sleeve and I'll share them with you this weekend, along with pictures. It should be a blast.

So, that's what's been going on around here. I'm looking forward to the new year, and the new possibilities that it brings. And the opportunity to take it easy!

Ready Or Not- Here It Comes!

2009-11-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

Well, the flurry of holiday events begins unoficially tonight at the Casa. Tonight is the 4th Grade Recorder concert at Chickenhead's school. I hope he's been doing a better job practicing the recorder than he has the cello. The program is called 'Recorder Karate'. Does this mean I will want someone to bash me over the head with a recorder so I don't have to be subjected to an hour of the screeching, out of tune din that can only come from 60 9-year olds with plastic whistles?

I was excited to find out last night at 9:45 that the one pair of dress pants that Chickenhead has are not only too tight, but they're too short as well. So guess who gets to make a timed sprint through the Walmarts to procure new pants and a dress shirt before 7:00 PM tonight? Me,that's who! Yes, you're jealous, I can tell. But wait there's more, because after the concert, we get to go to the grocery store and buy everything we need for Thanksgiving dinner, which our family is having on this coming Saturday.

Our excitement doesn't end there, though. Tomorrow night is the Space Derby at Chickenhead's Cub Scout pack meeting. The Space Derby is a lot like the annual Pinewood Derby, only this time, all the Scout dads are making rockets and not wooden cars. How is it that an adult man can not balance a checkbook, but can rattle off the physics and aerodynamics of a little fake rocket?

Friday night, I've got a fun (and possibly tequila)filled evening planned in the kitchen. I'm going to be getting as many dishes prepped ahead of time as I possibly can. For those of you interested in this sort of thing, here's what we will be eating-

The Casa DeChaos Thanksgiving Family Freak-Fest 2009 Menu-

Turkey (soaked in gin and stuffed with prozac){Sorry, that would be me!}
Mashed potatoes
Gravy (gluten free)
Sweet Potato Casserole
Green Beans
Corn
Broccoli Rice Casserole
Stuffing
Rolls
Veggies n dip
Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers
Babybel Cheese (I could live on those little cheese things!)
Pie

My MIL has been sick with bronchitis and the flu, which is a blessing in disguise. Now don't get me wrong, I want her to get better, and to be able to join us. It's just not a holiday without the hurricane that is my MIL tearing though the Casa with a van-load of food, dripping ham glaze though my house and all over my freshly mopped floors. Nothing says 'Thanksgiving' like finding one of her press-on nails in my ice bin. But with her being sick, there's a greater chance that she won't feel like baking, and that's a good thing. Over the years, many of us have gotten sick from eating her pumpkin pie, but we're too afraid of upsetting her to say anything.

I'm hoping to take a breather on Sunday. And, I've got three days off next week as I took two vacation days before Thanksgiving. I'll be spending that time dragging all the Christmas decorations upstairs and cursing while putting up the tree and the lights, etc. Because nothing reminds me of the holiday season my like unleashing a constant stream of curse words and random screams of frustration. Good times! Hope the upcoming holidays are as special and as memorable for you!

Obladi, Oblada

2009-11-15T03:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, life goes on. I spent the past week making final plans for my mom, going back to work, trying to remember and trying to forget. It was a busy week!

I'm able to honor my mom's wishes for a simple cremation, with no services of any kind. At first I worried that this was not enough, that it was not 'right' somehow. But then I got to thinking about the woman that my mom was. She was self-conscious and private; she would have hated the idea of a visitation, or a big funeral. She hated going to them, and made it clear to both me and her sister that she never wanted anything like that for herself. It's such a small, simple thing that I can do to honor her wishes, and I'm glad to do it. It occurred to me that funerals and memorials and such are means of closure for those of us who are living. I thought of many ways I can honor my mom's memory with much more than a service or a house full of people who normally don't speak to each other.

Going back to work on Thursday was much easier than I thought it would be. I was dreading it a bit, to be honest. I happen to work with many people who knew and used to work with my mom. I just knew there would be stupid questions or well-meaning inquiries as to how I was doing that would push me to becoming a sobbing, blubbering mess. Luckily, although I teared up a couple of times, it was nothing earth-shattering. I was able to focus on work, and on the routine. I was able to actually enjoy getting back to business. Some people worried that I went back too soon, but really, it was just what I needed.

Having that time away from home each day also gave me time to remember all of the good things about my mom, and to forget, at least a little bit, the terror of last Sunday. Being at work and focused on the task at hand allowed me to stop replaying the events over and over in my head.

Now, I'm plunging in to holiday plans. I'm looking forward to the holidays this year, not dreading them because Mom won't be with us. I'm sad that she's not here of course. Thanksgiving was one of her favorite holidays, she loved all the food and getting together with people. But I know in my heart, that she's at peace now. She has at last found the peace that she could not have here on earth. Mom was tired, and in so many ways, she had given up on her health, and on living. But, she would never want me to stop day to day living, or to cancel the holidays. It would hurt her deeply to think that I was not having Thanksgiving or Christmas and taking that away from Chickenhead.

So we'll gather together, and be thankful for the time that we had Mom with us. We'll be thankful for all of the wonderful memories we have of her, and we'll be thankful that we still have each other. Life truly does go on.

Every New Beginning Is Some Other Beginning's End...

2009-11-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

The title is part of a song lyric, 'Closing Time', by Semisonic. But I chose that as the title for this entry, because yesterday, a part of my life ended, and I began a new chapter. Yesterday, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, my mom died.

It was a lovely, warm day here, and around 12:30, my mom went to the kitchen to fix herself some lunch. I remember thinking that I was glad that she felt well enough to get out of her room and move about. I was in my room, getting ready to go do some much needed yard work, and Chickenhead was with me, talking and watching cartoons.

Suddenly, we heard a loud crash. Chickenhead and I looked at each other and ran to the kitchen. We found my mom, lying on the floor and holding her head. I asked her if she hit her head and she said yes. I asked her if she knew what happened, as she's had some history of blackouts and falling. She said she thought she passed out. As I got ready to call 911, I sent Chickenhead down to the manhole to get the Husband.

I was on the phone with the paramedics when she began to have trouble breathing. I don't think there is any way I can ever forget that sound, or the feeling of utter helplessness that I felt. The Husband ran up the stairs and began trying to talk to her to get her to respond, and he was trying to get her pulse. The paramedics came quickly, less than four minutes, I think. It was a swarm of people that descended upon the Casa, and they began working on her immediately. Everyone was asking questions at once. I was running around, trying to find mom's purse, her list of medications, giving out her name, date of birth, our phone number and anything else they could think to ask. They were just doing their job, and they did it remarkably well.

The paramedics gave her meds to try to get her heart rate back, they even shocked her. They got a heart rate, but it was weak. Once they got her to the hospital, they worked on her there too, but they just could not get her back. From the time she fell in the kitchen, to the time they pronounced her death, it was a little over an hour. The ER doctor believes it was either a massive heart attack or a pulmonary embolism that caused her to go in to cardiac arrest.

The rest of yesterday and last night, I was numb and in shock. Telling Chickenhead (who was over at my FIL's house while we were at the hospital) was the hardest thing I've ever done as a parent. My son has never had anyone close to him die, unless you count Pete the Parakeet las year. We hugged and had a good cry together, and we reminded each other that the love you have for someone never goes away.

The Husband, his family and my friends have all been wonderfully supportive. I don't know what I would have done without any of them there. My family is very small, and I'm grateful to my cousin Brenda, for meeting us up at the hospital, and for coming in to the room with me to say goodbye to my mom. There were a couple of other family members who were shall we say, less than stellar, but that is their issue, not mine.

In so many ways, this end is a new beginning. Even though my mom would at times frustrate me, I will miss her desperately. I will miss sharing 'Maxine' cartoons with her, I will miss hearing her talk about this or that, even if she had told me the story already. Our relationship was sometimes strained, but there was never any doubt that we loved each other. My little family here at the Casa now has to reset itself. We will adapt and we will learn to go on, not only because we have to, but because it's also what my mom would have wanted.

Much as I lost my Aunt Judy last year to heart disease, it also played a huge part in my mom's health issues and ultimately her death yesterday. I'm telling you, as much as I'm telling myself right now, take care of your heart! I'm going to renew my commitment to myself to get healthy, thanks to my mom. There's a history of heart disease in both my mother's and my father's family, and now more than ever, that scares me. It's time for me to take good care of myself, so that I hopefully never have to put Chickenhead through anything like this. Be good to yourself!

Men I Like- The Reluctant Honkytonk Edition

2009-11-08T09:38:00.000-08:00

Let me start off by saying that I have never been much of a fan of modern country music, or of most country music in general. I've been exposed to country music for most of my life though, and can remember my great-grandma listening to folks like Buck Owens, Loretta Lynn, etc., on the radio in her kitchen.

By the time I grew up (was 19), I was too cool for country music. I was in to L.A. hair bands, and the new wave and goth bands from the U.K. Country music simply was not on my radar. But then my friend Beth introduced me to this guy-

Yep, Dwight Yoakam. His music was not only a throwback to the country music that I remembered hearing in my grandma's kitchen, it was also firmly rooted in modern rockabilly, so it wasn't the cliched, easy listening type country music that was so popular in the late 80s. Beth and I went with her mom to see him in concert, and it was more like a rock concert than anything else. He has wonderful stage presence, and I'm still trying to figure out how he gets in to those jeans of his.

Dwight is a deceptive fellow, though. His album covers always tend to focus on his long, skinny legs with the painted on denim, or Dwight giving you some 'come hither' side eye from underneath his cowboy hat.

And about that cowboy hat of his...Now I don't have a problem with men who are bald, hell the Husband is follically challenged himself. But Dwight Yoakam seems to undergo some sort of transformation when his hat is removed. What was once brooding and mysteriously sexy is now this-

I loved Dwight's acting in 'Slingblade', I have to admit. He could not have played that role with his cowboy hat on. But I just don't know. I think I need for him to keep the hat on.

Irrational Fears Run Amuck

2009-11-05T09:40:00.000-08:00

Time to tighten your tinfoil helmets, because today I'm going to discuss more of my irrational fears. These are things that statistically will probably never happen, but none the less keep me awake at night.

My biggest fear lately is that some big, scary disease will descend upon Chickenhead. I know that most moms always worry a little about their kids getting sick. No. This is different. I am terrified of the prospect of Chickenhead getting some sort of incurable cancer or some wasting disease or something. Whenever I see bruises on his legs (which is a lot since he's been playing football), a little voice in the back of my head pipes up- 'Oh noes! He's got the leukemia!' (yes, the little voice in my head speaks like a lolcat) Now the bigger(hopefully)more rational part of my brain knows that this is highly unlikely, but LolKel just won't shut up sometimes. So I desperately fight the urge to wrap him in bubblewrap before he leaves the house each day, and I pray nightly that he doesn't get anything incurable.

I also fear that when Chickenhead grows up, he will end up scruffy, dirty and homeless, panhandling on the streets of Downtown. Writing this and reading it back, I can fully see how ridiculous this sounds. Chickenhead is a bright boy, and I seriously doubt he will ever be homeless or panhandling. If you've ever seen his room, you would know that I can't make any promises about scruffy or dirty. I think I've been watching too much 'Intervention'. All those poor folks were semi-normal kids once, too.

A while back I read a story about a racoon hiding in a Coke machine. Whenever someone would buy a drink, the racoon would attack their hand as they reached in for their bottle. Obviously, this had to have been some soda machine that was outdoors somewhere, but do you think that stops me from hesitating just a little whenever I go to grab that bottle of Diet Coke? Even though our soda machine is safely indoors on the 4th floor of the building no less, I still always hesitate. Be careful when you buy a Coke from a machine is what I'm trying to tell you.

I noticed that I still have a fear of falling down an escalator. Would this be potentially worse than falling down a regular flight of stairs? What if I fell, and say, my pant leg got caught between the steps, and it just pulled me down and ripped my pants? Good Lord, the humanity! This terrifies me almost more than the thought of a snake under the kitchen sink, a bat in the basement, H1N1 or alien abduction. I will hold my breath as I take that first step on to a down elevator and breathe a slight sigh of relief about halfway down.

Hopefully now that I've written all this nonsense down, it will help to diminish the fear. Maybe if I can keep re-reading and realize how nuts I sound, I can overcome these irrational thoughts. Somehow I doubt it.

Random Ramblings

2009-11-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

So, I was gone for a while. I hadn't really planned on being gone this long! I had a week of vacation, and I decided to take a break from blogging, too. I needed to recharge my batteries and clear my head and all that good stuff.

So what's been going on in my life? Well first, there's this-

Chickenhead is in the final week of football season. Believe me, it can't come a moment too soon! The team has a losing streak of epic proportions- they haven't won a single game. In fact, they've had to call three games in the third quarter because the point spread was too big. It's very hard to get a boy excited about football when most games end with a score of 44-0. It's hard for me to get excited about, too. On the plus side, he's learned a lot about the game, and about teamwork, and about how sometimes adults can put their own petty feelings and desires ahead of what's best for their child. I have witnessed parents in the stands and on the sidelines behaving in ways that are appalling. I'm glad it's almost over.

Let's see... I had a birthday in there, too. No big whoop. I'm at the age where birthdays are no longer dreaded or anticipated. It was a day. It was during the week that I was on vacation, so after I got Chickenhead up and off to school, I made myself breakfast, and extra large cup of latte and then headed back to bed. I was happy with that. I was able to spend my day with the Husband and Chickenhead and it was good.

Not so good- my momma. Her health is quickly declining, and boy do I feel helpless. While I was on vacation, she had an appointment with a neuro-psychologist to help determine if she has dementia. After a full day of tests, she declared the entire thing 'stupid' and 'a waste of time'. But there is definately something going on. She can barely walk, she's just mentally not with it, she's sick a lot. She came to me this past Friday and said she wanted to see what she had to do to get in to an assisted living facilty. So I've been working with her caseworker and social worker to get the ball rolling. I had to discuss life insurance with her; a conversation I didn't want to have. I don't want to face the fact that my mom is nearing the end of her life. I also don't want to face the fact that she has never made any kind of plans for any of this. When I asked her if she had insurance and she told me no, I asked her what will I do when she dies? She said, 'well, just do whatever other people do'. I patiently explained that we needed to get her at least a small policy to cover the most basic of expenses. So now I need to look in to that. And maybe contact a funeral home to see if I can work on pre-paying for services? I don't know. A part of me wants to take this on, but another part wants desperately to ignore it and hope it all goes away. But I know it doesn't work like that.

That's what I've been up to. Oh, and a little crafting, too. I made an altered paint can for Chickenhead's teacher for her birthday, had my girlfriends over for some scrapping, and am working on birthday cards for the office. I'm mentally gearing up for Thanksgiving, too. Can it really be time to be thinking about that already?!

Opportunity Wasn't Knocking, It Ding-Dong-Ditched Me

2009-10-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I got all happy and thought that come next summer, we would be moving to a new Casa.

Well, I was wrong. Horribly, terribly wrong. My brother in law called last night and long story short, he's having to move out of the house immediately because his now ex-wife pretty much hosed him on their divorce. I had a bad feeling when he told us that she hadn't signed the quit claim deed yet, so he hadn't gotten the re-finance on the house done. Princess Sneaky-pants decided to hold off until the eleventh hour before she would sign the papers, and then decided to slam my BIL with more demands.

The Husband and I weren't sure who to be mad at, and at first, we were mad. But having slept on it (I didn't really sleep, I'm taking some Tylenon PM tonight), I realize now that this happened for a reason. I truly believe that our lives unfold as they were meant to. That's not to say that we're powerless over our lives, not at all. But in this situation, I think the cosmic universe is making a hard left and taking us down a different path. And I'm ok with that.

We can live where we are now until next summer. In that time, we will have plenty of opportunity to find a house that's right for us. We'll have plenty of time to investigate schools and neighborhoods and all those good things. One neighborhood is already a possibility because it's where Chickenhead's Cub Scout pack is, and he could go to school with kids that he already knows.

It would be really easy to be mad at my ex-SIL for her selfish actions, becuase more than hurting us, she hurt my BIL and their kids, too. It would be easy to be mad at my BIL because he got our hopes up before he had everything signed by the Princess. But what would my anger with either of them solve? Nothing, really. All it would really do is stop me from living my life right now, and I can't do that. I won't do that.

So. We'll keep on believing that there's no place like home, and that home isn't just a location. 'Home' is where you are loved, where you laugh, where you share good times and bad. No matter where we live, as long as we're together, we're truly home.

I Dreamed I Went Postal In My Maidenform Bra (and other random musings)

2009-10-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

Can I just vent right here about underwear? Am I the only woman who doesn't like those boy-short type undies? Did I get the wrong brand or something? They don't fit right. The ride up in the back, and then they have all this extra fabric in the crotch, which is like a mile wide, and dangit, they just aren't comfortable. I'm kind of ticked about it because I bought the economy pack of these stupid things at Hellmart and now I can't take them back. I don't get the whole thong craze, either. Good lord, you can get an infection of some sort wearing that crap. What happened to just normal, nice underwear? I think I need to find that section in the lingerie department. If you can go to the department store and get a bra fitting, why can't they tell you what size knickers to get, too?

Speaking of underwear, I'm starting to think that some of the parents on the football team have theirs in a wad. We finally got the Great Pant Incident of 2009 behind us, and now, we're playing. And losing. In fact, last Saturday night, the boys lost, 38-0. I don't think it was entirely their fault, the other team was good, but our coach seems to have a lot of love in his heart for a couple of the less motivated boys; they are content to stand on the field and let the oposition run right through them, which is exactly what they did for four quarters. I know that at this age, the idea of the game is for the boys to learn the basics of the game along with teamwork, good sportsmanship, etc. Winning isn't everything. But. Let's please not sugarcoat it, OK? During the entire game, one enthusiastic father kept yelling for the boys to 'GET IN THERE!', 'BREAK SOME HEADS!!' and 'LET'S DO SOME DAMAGE!'. After the game, he calmly stated, 'well we didn't lose, the other team just scored more points than we did'. Really? Because I kind of thought we got our butts handed to us on a silver platter. It's my own personal opinion that kids need to learn that there are winners and losers, not winners and 2nd place winners. It's not going to damage their psyches to know that sometimes, despite our best efforts, things don't always work out like we want them to.

I have a co-worker who seems hellbent on making sure everyone sees her undies lately. She lost a lot of weight, which is commendable. She's feeling better and looks great, but heaven help her, sometimes she dresses less than appropriately. I work in a bank, which is a fairly conservative environment, fashion-wise. Skinny Minnie, though, likes to push the envelope with skirts short enough to cause the crew from Wild Kingdom to go on standby in case there's a wild beaver on the loose, or she wears pants that ride so low that you can't help but see the top of her thong when she clomps by. She's still learning to walk in heels, bless her heart, but sometimes she plunders around the office like Sasquatch in drag. She needs finishing school, that's what she needs.

*photo from Plan 59, click over there on the right if you want to visit them!

25 Things I Stole From Another Blog

2009-09-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

Again with the blog-lifting! This time from my pal, LurkerGirl. I will post original, non-stolen thoughts of my very own soon. I promise! In the mean time-

1. Who was your first prom date? My first and only prom date was Randy. He was younger than me and I asked him to go and we had a blast. Dinner at Red Lobster and freaking out trying not to get shrimp scampi sauce on the ruffles of my dress. He wore a white tux with a baby blue bow tie and cumberbund to match my dress. He was my BFF's brother and a total sweetheart.

2. Do you still talk to your first love? I don't even really know who my first love was. I lusted after a lot of guys but I don't talk to any of them.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink? Probably beer or wine coolers, but I recall a very bad early incident with Jack Daniels.

4. What was your first job? Orange Julius. Despite the nasty double-knit uniform, I loved that job because I had free 1/4lb hot dogs and pina-colada Julius' whenever the boss wasn't around.

5. What was your first car? Never had one.

6. Who was the first person to text you today? Nobody.

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning? Probably Chickenhead because I was trying to remember if his jeans were in the dryer or needed to be washed. Luckily they were clean, as it is too cool to be wearing shorts today.

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Langley. That's really all I remember about her.

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? Chicago

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? Rhonda and I have been BFF since 1983. That's 26 years, people! We talk every day.

11. Where was your first sleepover? Some girl when I was in 2nd grade. I don't remember her name, but her dad ran the projector at the drive-in theater, so we got to get freebies at the concession stand and sit up in the projection tower with him.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today? Chickenhead

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? My cousin Robert's wedding to his wife, Sophie. I was the candle-lighter. I had a long pink dress with lace sleeves. The dress had a square neckline that was not low cut AT ALL, but my mom insisted that it was so she made me a lace cape. Yes, a lace cape. It was more like a lace poncho. I hated that thing. All photos taken of me on their wedding day show me pissed off beyond belief. I was fantasizing about ripping that cape off, stomping on it and using one of the candles to set it aflame.

14. What was the first thing you did this morning? Pondered calling in sick, but then deciding to go ahead and go to work, already.
15. What was the first concert you went to? Rick Springfield--Do you know he is now 60! And he's STILL freaking HAWT! (LurkerGirl, me too!!) Ok, well no. The first concert I went to was the Osmonds at the Missouri state fair in 1976. I got to meet them. It was awesome. But yes, Rick Springfield is still hot!

16. First tattoo? I don't have it yet, but I want it.

17. First piercing? My ears when I was in junior high.

18. First foreign country you went to? Mexico

19. First movie you remember seeing? I vaguely remember seeing Disney's 'Song of the South' when I was really young, but the first movie I really recall the whole experience of seeing was 'Jaws'.

20. What state (province) did you first live in? Kansas

21. Who was your first room mate? The Husband.

22. When was your first detention? High school.

23. When was your first kiss? I don't even recall who or when. Must not have been a good kisser!

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? Yeah, salsa dancing! With Antonio Banderas!

25. Who will be the next person to post this? No clue. But if you post it on your blog, leave a comment here so I can check it out! :)

50 Questions I Stole From Lola's Blog

2009-09-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry, Lola! I'm feeling lazy today, and since it looks like this has been around the blog-world a time or two, I don't feel too terrible about blog-lifting!

1. Where were you three hours ago? I was on the bus, on my way to work
2. Who are you in love with? The Husband.
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon? No.
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yes, a pink highlighter
5. When was the last time you went to the mall? I couldn’t even tell you
6. Are you wearing socks right now? No.
7. Do you have a car worth over $2000? Just barely.
8. When was the last time you drove out of town? So long ago, I don’t recall.
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? No, but I want to see ‘Where The Wild Things Are’ when it comes out.
10. Are you hot? You know it!!
11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coke
12. What are you wearing right now? Gray trousers and a black sweater.
13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it? I usually let the rain do it. Otherwise, it's the car wash.
14. Last food you ate? A Krispy Kreme donut. Yum!!
15. Where were you last week at this time? Same place.
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? Ha! I wish
17. When was the last time you ran? I’m not running unless there’s a fire or a sale.
18. What was the last sporting event you watched? Chickenhead’s football game Saturday night. It was ugly; we lost, 38-0.
19. Your favorite animal? Cat.
20. Your dream vacation? Touring the great art museums of the world, staying in the finest hotels along the way. Oh yeah, and I’m not paying for it!
21. Last person’s house you were in? The FIL’s house, Grump Manor
22. Worst injury you ever had? Not long after the Husband and I were married we were in a car accident, and I broke 2 bones in my hand.
23. Have you been in love? Yes, still am!
24. Do you miss anyone right now? I miss my Aunt Judy, and my friend Beth.
25. Last play you saw? Last spring, the 3rd graders put on a production called ‘We Has Jazz’, does that count?
26. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? Home cookin’!
27. What are your plans for tonight? Make cards while watching the DWTS results show.
28. Who is the last person to send you a Myspace message or comment? I don't do MySpace.
29. Next trip you are going to take? In November, my BFF and I are going to Pioneer Woman’s cookbook signing here in KC! I can’t wait!!
30. Ever go to camp? Day camp. Not sleep away camp.
31. Were you an honor student in school? Nope.
32. What do you want to know about the future? Nothing, just let it happen as it does.
33. Are you wearing perfume or cologne? Yes, some ‘clean cotton’ type thing.
34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor’s visit? Need to go to the dentist, and probably the gyno, too.
35. Where is your best friend? She’s at her desk at work
36. How is your best friend? Probably tired.
37. Do you have a tan? I have some depressing tan lines.
38. What are you listening to right now? Some song on the radio.
39. Do you collect anything? Vintage cookbooks, preferably with bad photography.
40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know? Me.
41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over? Never!
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? Ok, is this really a valid question?
43. What does your last text message say? “We need to buy a Powerball ticket”
44. Do you like hot sauce? Yes, on chili or fried chicken
45. Last time you took a shower? 4 hours ago.
46. Do you need to do laundry? When don’t I need to do laundry?
47. What is your heritage? Irish and English.
48. Are you someone’s best friend? Yes, and I’m very lucky to be so!
49. Are you rich? Not money wise, but thankfully, I'm rich in other ways.
50. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Trying to fall asleep!

Hear That Knocking? It's Opportunity, Baby!!

2009-09-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot more chaos in the Casa lately, both good and bad. Opportunity is knocking on my door and just may break it down if I don’t answer it.

Chickenhead is loving football, which is good, but I’m excitedly counting down until the final game of the season (five! We only have five games left!!), which is bad. Bad, bad, mommy. Whatever. I’m over those phoney-baloney parents and coaches. If they want to be stupid, let them. All I know is, after five more weekends, we are done!

A couple of weeks ago, The Husband’s brother came to us with a proposal. Would we want to rent his house from him with option to purchase later on down the line? I had a lot of questions, as did the Husband. After getting the answers and talking it over, more and more, we are thinking that we would be fools not to do this. As with anything, there are pros and cons to moving. Here are some of the positives-

The current mortgage payment/rent is almost $300 less than what we’re paying now.
Loony Landlady fixes nothing where we currently live, so we’re paying a CRAZY amount in rent each month for a house that is slowly but surely falling apart around us.
We would have the opportunity to own the house, and quite frankly, with our credit what it is right now, we couldn’t finance a cup of ice at Quik Trip, let alone a house. Renting from the BIL for a couple of years would give us a chance to clean up our act and take it on down the road so to speak. The house is in a good neighborhood, and is a lovely 3-bedroom split-level. This good neighborhood, though, leads us to the negatives-

The new neighborhood is on the Missouri side of the KC Metro area, which means Chickenhead will have to go to an ENTIRELY new school. But. As I pointed out to him, he will be going in to fifth grade next year, and will know those kids much longer than he’s known the kids he goes to school with now. Sneaky, huh? The Husband threw in that we could get a dog AND a cat (named Curtis Martin), which may have sealed the deal as far as Chickenhead is concerned. The other big negative is what to do with my momma.

No, I currently have no plans to stick her on an ice floe and watch her sail off in to that long goodnight, or throw her from the train. I talked with her about the house yesterday. She said she doesn’t really want to move to Missouri (why, does she have an outstanding warrant, or something?), she doesn’t like the idea of a split-level house with it’s multitude of stairs, she doesn’t want to have to find new doctors, etc. She wants to live on her own, possibly get a car and start driving again (Lord help me). So, we will see.

Since opportunity is not playing Ding Dong Ditch here at the Casa, I also got news today that the head of our department at work wants me to make 50 cards for upcoming birthdays for the year. I’m excited and kind of nervous about this because really, do I have time to make 50 cards? Well yes, if I want some mad money, I do! So, I’ll begin designing and making them tonight. I’m stoked about getting crafty, and that hasn’t happened in a while. I’ll share the fruits of my labor with you soon!

Are You Ready For Some Football?! Yeah, Me Neither.

2009-09-17T09:26:00.000-07:00

This Saturday is Chickenhead's first football game of the season. He's toughed it out through three practices a week since the end of July and now we're ready to roll. Except me. I'm just ready for the season to be over with, already.

Why so negative, you ask? Well, I have discovered that what's wrong with kids sports is the parents. Don't get me wrong, most of the parents on our team are great people, who care about not only their boys,but the other team members as well. But, as with any group of people, there are always one or two half-wits who have to make it miserable for everyone else.

The Husband is a coach on Chickenhead's team, and for the past two weeks, we have been dealing with the never ending Uniform Disaster of 2009. Let me tell you all about it. The way youth football works in our little neck of the woods is there are teams for 3rd through 6th grade that pull from all the schools in the area, and they play under the local high school's name. The high school's team is the Raiders, so we're all Raiders, too. Fun, huh? The high school's team colors are green and yellow/gold (depending on who you talk to), like the Green Bay Packers colors. Keep those two colors in your mind, visualize them if you will.

At the beginning of the season, a parent stepped forward and donated over $1000 to pay for uniforms for every boy on the team. This was incredibly generous and helped out a lot of families on our team, some of whom were really stressing over how they were going to come up with this money. The coaches ordered the green jerseys and chose the 'gold' pants over the 'yellow' pants because the gold ones were made from a fabric that was easier to clean. The league said that as long as the colors were 'similar to the high schools' it was fine. Great. Not!

Last Friday night, all the boys put on their jerseys and went to a pep rally at the high school. One of the moms on our team began to complain that 'our boys jerseys aren't the same color green as the high school boys! That's not right!' She even went so far as to compare her son's jersey to his sister's cheerleading uniform (the same league runs a youth cheerleading program as well), screeching, 'look! They don't MATCH!!!!' Oh boy. It does not stop there, oh no, it does not. Because the big controversy was the pants. The GOLD pants were not the same as the YELLOW pants the high school boys were wearing. This was a crime against society and all that was sacred. Screechy-mom began whispering to other parents and giving the coaches the side-eye. Fingers were flying in a texting frenzy.

I was not going to be the one to tell her to shut the hell up already, because she got the uniform for FREE for heaven's sake. I tried to remain above it. Oh, and side note- the pep rally was hosted by the cheerleaders, who invited all the boys teams. When the ivite was given, the cheerleaders also asked that each boys team bring two 12-packs of soda and 2 pizzas. I'm having a little get together for my birthday next month, please come! Oh yeah, and could you go ahead and bake me a cake and bring me some liquor? I mean, really.

This past Monday, the husband came home from practice looking like he was on the edge of an anyuersm. I asked what was wrong, and all he said was, 'the pants'. Seems Screechy-mom took it upon herself to call the league to find out what could be done about the evil, satanic, GOLD pants. Well, as they say, the screechy-mom gets the oil, because the league called the coaches and said, 'well it's kind of an unspoken rule that the colors of the youth team's uniforms match the high school team's uniforms.' Yes. While the league said 'colors similar to the high school team's', what they were really trying to say, in a secret football language, was 'exactly like the high school team's'. Which is why the Husband spent most of Tuesday driving all over town to pick up everyone's diabolic, forsaken GOLD pants, so that they could be returned and exhanged for YELLOW pants.

So this Saturday, bright and early, we'll be heading out to the football fields, ready to get this train wreck over with already. I'll be the one in the stands hanging out with the cool parents, trying to keep her mouth shut. Be sure to wave!

Health Care Discussion I Can Understand

2009-09-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

With all the 'single payor' and 'public option' talk that's been bantered around all summer, it can get confusing. People are running around, screaming and waving signs and that's just in the House of Congress! But last night on Jimmy Fallon, he had a health care slow jam. And I think we can all dig that! Here's Jimmy and The Roots-

The Good Old Days (you know, the 80s?)

2009-09-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

Being a child of the 80’s, some of my favorite recollections are of the times I spent at THE place to see and be seen, the mall. Specifically, Indian Springs Mall. I was a huge mall rat, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

In high school, my mom and I would go to the mall to buy school clothes. I got jeans at Dillard’s and one year, I got a pair of parachute pants at J.C. Penney. Tennis shoes were almost always purchased at Foot Locker. Dress shoes were bought at Kinney’s or Baker’s, but the really cool shoes were at The Wild Pair. To go with those cool Wild Pair shoes, you needed to head up to Merry Go-Round for some clothes, maybe a puffy Prince shirt or a Michael Jackson ‘Beat It’ jacket. Musicland had a better selection of records than Camelot did, and supposedly it was easier to shoplift from there.

The main places to hang at Indian Springs were at the arcade, Fun Factory, the movie theaters and locally owned Mexican restaurant, Taco Via. Man, I loved me some Taco Via! I could go for a sancho right about now…Oh! And Italian Delight. My friend Rhonda and I would go there to look at the cute Italian boys working behind the counter.

She got to work at Topsy’s Ice Cream and Popcorn shop next door. I bet she was checking out those guys all day!

I got my first job at the mall, working at Orange Julius. The uniforms were hideous- orange and brown double-knit polyester tops that were hot and itchy. Right after I quit, they switched to polo shirts. Figures. But that’s ok, because my next job at the mall was probably one of the most fun jobs I’ve ever had. I worked at Spencer Gifts. Spencer’s had everything your parents didn’t want you to know about. I learned how to pierce ears there and seemed to spend most of my Saturdays ‘stapling’ people’s ears. The managers, Paula and Dave, were funny, and the other assistant manager, Yvonne and I would take total control of the store when they weren’t around. It was a blast.

I wish I could find more pictures of the mall back in its heyday, but I can’t. Sadly, malls are becoming a relic of the past. Indian Springs is facing the wrecking ball and then possible redevelopment. Three other malls in the Kansas City area have been torn down over the last few years. I get a little sad thinking that kids now won’t get to have that mall experience, although as a parent, the thought of my child spending all day at the mall doing God knows what is scary! I’m glad I got to experience it, though!

What about you, do you have any mall stories?

Things To Do Before I Die

2009-09-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

Don’t worry, I’m not planning on going anywhere, not yet, anyway. But whenever I get the Facebook note asking you to list all the things you’ve done, I think to myself, ‘but what about the things I haven’t done yet?’

Since I’m about to turn forty-two (or is it my second 21st birthday?), it’s about time that I start thinking about all of the things I want to do in this life, and get on it. So while I may be shelfing that dream to hang out in a hash house in Amsterdam, there are still plenty of attainable goals I can meet. In no particular order, here are the things I want to do-

1. Go to the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in New York City. I may as well go to the Met while I’m there, too.
2. Watch the sunrise from the shores of the Atlantic, preferably in New England.
3. Watch the sunset from the Pacific, maybe in Seattle. Do they get sunlight up there?
4. Spend a ‘Ferris Bueller’ type day roaming around Chicago. Only without the Ferrari.
5. Have a birthday party in Vegas with my closest friends. Hell, have any party with my closest friends, I love being around them!
6. Take Chickenhead to a rock concert.
7. Make a piecrust from scratch.
8. Go to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame for a day
9. Take a family vacation to the Grand Canyon.
10. Get a tattoo.

I’m sure as I think about it more, I’ll come up with more things I want to do. What about you? Are there things you want to do, but just haven’t done yet?

Life Is Too Short To Deal With Stupid People

2009-09-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

This is my new motto. I am tired of worrying about what people think of me. I'm tried of always trying to measure up to other peoples' expectations.

A couple of things have brought about this new additude. First, my husband and I are for whatever reasons, 'that family' at Chickenhead's school. You know, the family that causes you to cringe whenever you see that they've signed up for activities? Yeah, that's us. I have my suspicions as to what started all of this, and in the simplest of explanations, things were said about us that were not true. And because some people chose to believe the things that were said, they avoid us like the plague. Last night, with the exception of two people and Chickenhead's teacher, none of the other parents at back to school night said a word to me. It was like I didn't even exist. I don't go to the school with the expectation that I will be Patty Popular, and that's not really what I want, but when you smile at someone standing in front of you and say 'hello', and they act like you aren't even there? It's disconcerting. I showered, my hair was clean, make up fresh, teeth brushed. So really, what gives?

Second, towards the end of the orientation, a parent asked if the teacher was going to allow the kids to watch President Obama's upcoming address to school children across America next week. The teacher acknowledged that as there was some controversy around the speech, the class would not be watching. This parent then said, 'Well thank goodness, because I don't want my son watching THAT!' What 'that'? It's wrong for our children to see the president? Or it's wrong for our children to see a black president? There has been some issue taken with the White House's suggestions for activities that kids can do that relate to President Obama's speech. Things like set goals for themselves and think of ways they can be better citizens in their communities. Here's a link to some of the activities for children in K-6: White House Media Resources

Chickenhead and I discussed this last night, and he wants to not only do one of the activities, but he wants to write a letter to President Obama as well. Go, Chickenhead!

All this to say that I'm tired of not being able to be me. I'm tired of allowing others to make me feel like I don't measure up to their unrealistic expectations. I know the truth about myself, my husband, my family. I know that we are good people. Not perfect, but we do our best and we try to look out for our fellow man. I will no longer allow anyone to make me feel inferior!

Musings, Rants, Ponderings, etc...

2009-09-02T09:42:00.000-07:00

Happy September! The cool weather that we've had the past few days has got me all geared up for autumn. I was able to finally turn off the A/C and air the house out.

My mom may be coming home next week. I hope that she'll do OK once she gets home. I think she will. I'm having a bit of an issue with the psychiatrist at the nursing center she's at. He has told my mom that she does not have dementia at all. Nope, all of her problems were caused by swelling of the brain, which according to him, was caused by Zoloft. So as long as she doesn't take any more Zoloft, she'll be fine. Huh? OK, a couple of things here. First, her neurologist was the one who ordered the MRI, CT scans and doppler scans of her brain when she first went in to the hospital. His exact words to me was that there was not ANY kind of trauma to the brain, no sign of stroke, tumor, blood clot, swelling, anything. He hasn't steered my mom wrong yet, so I trust him. Second, don't you think if a drug caused something as serious as swelling of the brain, maybe it shouldn't be on the market?

I would love it if my mom's afflictions were the result of taking a medication she shouldn't have been prescribed. But I don't want her to cling to that, only to later find out it's not true. We'll be going to see a neuro-psychologist soon, and hopefully he can pin down an answer for sure.

Why, oh why is Michelle Duggar pregnant AGAIN? I am simply confounded and slightly repulsed at the way this family reproduces. We get it, you're fertile. As I said the other day, I fully expect her uterus to walk out and turn in it's letter of resignation after baby #19 is born.

Tomorrow night is Back To School night, not to be confused with the previously attended Back To School Bash. The bash was a pizza/ice cream party, the night is for parents only, a chance to meet the teacher, find out how her/his mind works, etc. I would say I'm looking forward to it, but that wouldn't be completely true, as I'll have to interact with the shallow, clique-ish bunch of parents at Chickenhead's school. Don't get me wrong, there are a few really nice, genuine people who have children in his class. But there are also some of the same shallow, petty types you probably recognize from the cliques back in your high school days. Frank Zappa was right- 'Life is like high school,except you get money'. The kids in the clique never change, they just grow up and have kids of their own. Anymore they don't bother me as much as they used to. I've discovered that one of the best things about being 40(ish) is that you no longer give a rat's rump what people think. If they want to be shallow and petty, that's their issue, it won't be mine.

Random Nonsense- It's What I Do Best

2009-08-28T14:12:00.001-07:00

I've been trying for the past week to read "To Kill A Mockingbird", by Harper Lee. I decided to read it because it's one of the 'Great American Novels', a book that one 'should read in their lifetime'. I have not seen the movie yet, either. But Lord help me, half the time I'm ready to just throw the book down on the ground and stomp all over it. The three kids, Scout, Jem and Dill, annoy the hell out of me. Nosy little nitwits. Why can't they just leave Boo Radley alone? If I had been that much of a bother when I was a kid my mom would have beat the tar out of me. Never mind that she was the Gladys Kravitz of our neighborhood, and always watched and speculated about the neighbors. I don't get it. I don't know if I can finish the thing or not.

I am thoroughly sick to death of hearing about Michael Jackson. Whatever he was or was not, it's kind of late to speculate on that now. I was a huge fan of his music, and obviously, somewhere along the way, he got on the wrong path. But just bury the man and shut up already.

I have decided that starting September 1, I am going to make a commitment to walk for 30 minutes twice a day. I'm in a rut, and I need to make some positive changes in my life. Taking better care of myself might be a nice start, huh?

I'm making a list of all the crap I need to do around the Casa, and honestly, I could almost care less. Cobwebs? Let 'em keep multiplying. Stained carpet? Whatever. It will all get done, never fear, I'm just feeling pissy because I'm the one that always has to do it all. Dont' mind me, I'm just wearing my cranky-pants!

Silliness and Nonsense

2009-08-27T06:26:00.000-07:00

As my family navigates its way though the world of school sports, I'm finding that more and more, the adults often act more childish than the children themselves do.

I started out writing out the entire story in this post, but six paragraphs later, I felt I just couldn't subject you to this much stupidity and immaturity. Long story short- the Husband is coaching, Chickenhead is playing. A couple of other coaches got their panties in a wad over petty crap, tried to get the Husband removed, told lies, and ended up quitting and pulling their boys off the team when the Husband rightfully called them out on their BS. So apparently it's ok to teach your children that it's perfectly acceptable to lie to try to get your way, and if that doesn't work, you just get your toys and stomp off the playground and go home.

In other school-related news, Chickenhead will be taking music lessons this year. In our district, at the 4th grade level the kids can take beginner strings. The instrument choices were violin, viola or cello. Chickenhead chose the cello. I am so excited! I always wanted to learn how to play the cello. I may have to take it out and play it when he's not around. No, maybe not. There's a very real possiblity that I could break it. I'll just keep it in the case and stay out of the front living room where it currently resides.

My mom is doing better. She's walking around the nursing center with her walker now, not using the wheelchair at all. We went to the neurologist on Monday, and he's not certain that she has dementia or not. He's referred her to another doctor for neuro-psych testing that should determine it once and for all. We think she'll be coming home within the next week or two as well. She's still wanting to live on her own, and maybe once she's released from physical therapy, she'll be able to. Everything is one step at a time.

So, that's what's going on. I'm contemplating a makeover- new hair, new makeup, new wardrobe. We'll see what happens!

Just Plain Nuts

2009-08-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

The past week or so has been hectic. So hectic in fact, that there are a few days that I don't really know for sure what all I've been up to. With that in mind, here's what I do know:

I've decided to do a bit of digging around on the baby that my mom gave up for adoption. Am I going to tell my mom? No. Not yet, anyway. If I can find this now grown baby girl, and IF she wants to meet us, then I will tell mom. If she doesn't want to know who her birth mother is, or have a relationship with me, I'm ok with that, and I'll simply tell mom that I know about the adoption, and that she shouldn't feel shame or guilt for what she did. Mostly, I want to know if my sister (that still sounds very strange) was fortunate enough to be adopted by a kind and loving family, and if she had a good childhood and was happy.

Mom is still in the nursing and rehab center. We're not sure when she'll be coming home, but she's doing much better attitude-wise, and is working hard at physical therapy. My heart breaks a little every time I go to see her, though. She's gotten so old so quickly. She's become frail and in some ways, childlike.

This past weekend, we finally got around to going back to school shopping for Chickenhead. Dear Lord. A piece of advice- Do NOT go to Wal-Mart the day before school starts. It is not pretty. There was lots of shouting and crying and screaming and fighting, and the kids weren't behaving themselves, either. Thankfully, though, we made it and Chickenhead started school Monday fully kitted out. He likes his teacher, and best of all, his best friend AJ is back at our school. Seth & McLovin are back!

Chickenhead is playing football, and has practice three nights a week. If you've never been in the presence of a sweaty, dirty 9-year old boy, it's quite an experience. I usually just march him in to the laundry room to get the equipment off and the clothes in the wash, and then straight in to the shower he goes. If there were a way to wash him and his clothes at once, I would love it. The gear, oy. The 'gear' consists of nylon/spandex blend pants, two pair, a padded shirt, and padded arm protectors and knee pads. This stuff is expensive and high maintenance. It must be cleaned much as one would clean say, and heirloom wedding gown. Everything must be washed in cold water on the delicate cycle with no fabric softener. The pads must not touch when they are wet. How am I supposed to stop that from happening? The gear must be tumbled dry on low and removed as soon as the dryer buzzes. Whatever. I wash the stuff and throw it in the dryer and go to bed.

So, that's what's going on around here. Laundry, work, home, laundry, the nursing home, laundry, yardwork and laundry. If anything else happens, there better not be a load of laundry involved.

(Mad) Men I Like- Jon Hamm

2009-08-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

This Sunday night is the season premier of AMC's 'Mad Men'. If you haven't watched this teriffic ensemble drama, get the first two seasons queued up on your Netflix.

Set in the early 1960's, 'Mad Men' follows the professional and personal lives of the employees of Sterling Cooper, a fictional ad agency. The women are beautiful and dressed to kill, with bullet bras and cinched waists. The men are cool, and everyone smokes. They smoke a lot. This show should come with a warning from the surgeon general, they smoke so much.

But all that smoking doesn't take away from the delicious-ness that is Don Draper, the cool, womanizing ad exec played by Jon Hamm. Let's take a look!

Yes, indeedy Mr. Draper, I will hold all calls and grab my steno pad right away!

Answers. And Questions.

2009-08-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

I've been debating for most of the afternoon and this evening over whether or not to write about this. I've talked with a couple of close friends and the Husband about it, but I'm dealing with some info that is tugging at my heart, making my head pound and causing me to question much of what has gone on in my life. Before I get too far ahead of myself here, let's go back to the beginning.

It was the spring of 1977. I was a chubby 3rd grader with long pigtails and a crush on Donny Osmond. My mom and I lived in a small yet cozy house. I'm sure she struggled financially, as she received no child support from my father, but we managed. Throughout the end of winter and the early part of spring, my mom started gaining weight. I recall saying something in a joking way, and she just laughed it off. I really didn't think much about it, being nine years old and stuff like that just didn't stay on my radar for long.

One night, my mom woke me up saying that she was sick, and my aunt was coming over to take her to the hospital. It gets kind of weird here, because there are some random details that I recall very clearly, and other things that I should remember, I just don't. For example, I remember wanting to wear a green dress with white polka-dots, but my mom said no. But I couldn't tell you what month or day it was. Anyway. My aunt took my mom to the hospital, and I went to stay with my aunt's boyfriend. We'll call him 'James' because I think that might have been his name, but I'm not totally sure.

James let me drink coke and stay up late watching TV. He must have sensed that I was worried about my mom, because he said that she would be fine just as soon as she had the baby. What? What baby? Maybe somewhere in the back of my 9-year old mind I knew James was on to something, but I decided that maybe James had had a few too many beers and he probably just didn't know what he was talking about.

The next morning, my aunt came to pick me up, and she took me home. I asked her if my mom had a baby, and she simply said 'no'. The next day, my mom came home, no baby. So, there. There was no baby, so obviously James had been hitting the Schlitz a little too hard and didn't know what he was talking about. Sometime after that, I remember my mom tearfully explaining that she had a tumor that had to be cut out of her stomach, and that she had been really sick. I suppose the story could have ended here, but it doesn't. As I got older, I began to wonder why, if my mom had a tumor, they had sent her home with a diaper bag filled with nursing pads and those gargantuan sanitary napkins women used to wear. What was that all about?

As years went by, I would occasionally come back to this event and wonder, 'what if'? Surely though, if my mom had a baby, I would know. I often thought about asking my aunt, and last year decided that I would ask her, but unfortunately she died before I got that chance.

With my mom's recent diagnosis with dementia, I began to wonder about this again. Today my cousin emailed me to ask how my mom was doing. I replied, giving her the update, and said that I missed her mom, because there was so much I wanted to ask her, that I never got to ask. She replied that my aunt would have answered anything I would have asked her. So I asked my cousin- did my mom have a baby in 1977?

She replied. Yes, she did, and yes, she gave it up for adoption. Between my cousin and I, there's not a lot of information to go on. My cousin thinks my aunt said the baby was a girl. Not knowing the date of birth, though, really gums things up. And, the hospital where my mom had the baby was torn down years ago.

I feel terrible for my mom that she went through this. I think there were several reasons she gave the baby up. First, I'm pretty certain that the baby would have been bi-racial. If so, my mom's family would have written her off completely. For her to have a child with a black man would have been the ultimate transgression in their eyes. I don't think my mom was even dating this man for very long. And, there was just no way she could have afforded to raise two kids. She could barely afford to raise me.

I understand so much more about why my mom is so negative and so bitter. This changed her drastically. I never really knew why my mom was so sad all the time, but I think a lot of it comes from this event. It explains so much. And even though I think I've known this to be true on some level, it's still a shock to hear that I was right about it.

I don't know yet if I want to find this person. I don't think I have enough information to even start a search. Somewhere, there's someone who may look like me, or maybe my mom. There's a 32-year old woman somewhere out there, who may have questions about who she is. Is she married, does she have a family of her own? Was she fortunate enough to be adopted in to a loving family? Or did she grow up in the foster care system, bouncing from house to house?

For a long time, I have wanted a solid answer to this question, Did my mom give a baby up for adoption? And now, while I feel relief to have the answer, I have more questions than ever. And I have no idea how I will get the answers.

Finding My Way

2009-08-10T06:21:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start this post off with a disclaimer. I never intended this to be Kelley's Pity-Party Blog, and I will be trying very hard to keep it off of the road to that hoopla. Over the past week, whenever I would sit down to write, I couldn't do it. I don't want this to be just my woe is me, whine, whine, whine blog, you know?

So, first let's have a brief rundown of what's been going on with my mom. She's been diagnosed with dementia. But. I think this was more of a case of the drs at the hospital just wanting to move her along, already, so they could free up a bed at the hospital. We have not been told specifically what type of dementia, although I suspect it's more Lewy Bodies Dementia as opposed to Alzheimer's. I made an appointment with her neurologist for later this month so that we can discuss it in depth, and find out if she will be able to take the medications that will slow the progression.

On the other hand, though, I don't doubt that it is dementia. My mom's short term memory is bad, she has problems with finding words when she talks, and she has a lot of trouble with time, trying to figure out dates and times and when things happened, etc.

After a couple of really rough days, she's starting to adapt to the nursing center. She's got a routine there, and she's getting used to it. She still doesn't like it, she never will, but she's there, and she's willing to do the work she needs to do to get well enough to come home. Some of her complaints on day two of her stay were-

"This place is full of old people!" (really?)
"A bunch of foreigners work here, I can't tell what the hell they're saying!"
"The food is horrible, I refused to eat breakfast because it's so awful" (No. What really happened was she tried to go by herself to the dining room and got lost. Then when they got her to where she was supposed to go, she had New Kid Syndrome and none of the cool kids would let her sit at their table. I guess cliques never really go away.)

In other news around the Casa, school starts one week (!!) from today. I'm not ready, Chickenhead is not ready. Supplies? Nope, haven't bought them yet. Clothes? Well I heard that Old Navy has jeans for $10, so I guess we need to head over there. And the Foot Locker outlet store for some half price Nikes. Chickenhead might be ready for school by September if we're lucky. Just kidding! No. Really.

All in all though, we are all coping. Chickenhead misses his grandma, and doesn't like hanging out at the nursing center. All those old ladies are eyeballing his cheeks and he's afraid he's going to get pinched to death. The Husband has been incredibly supportive, and willing to head up to the center for a visit without me asking. I think we will all make it, in our own way.

Lost

2009-08-02T15:07:00.000-07:00

Lost. That's what my mom seems to be right now. I haven't posted in about a week because things have been in semi-crisis mode here at the Casa.

This past Tuesday, my mom was in the kitchen with Chickenhead when she fell. She didn't hit her head, but when the Husband got to her, she did not know who she was, where she was, or even that she had fallen. She did not remember that she lived with us. She was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and my MIL came and picked me up from work. When I got to the ER, Mom still wasn't sure where she was, why she was there, what year it was, etc. Scans and tests were done, but none of them showed any sign of a mini-stroke.

The rest of the week has been a blur of hospital visits, making phone calls, copies of important papers, etc. On Wednesday when I went to see Mom, her physical therapist recommended a short-term stay at a nursing and rehab facility, to help Mom regain her strength. At first, I was in a panic. Growing up, my mom always said that she never wanted to be in a nursing home. Nursing homes were a place where you went to die, in her mind. But I knew that she would not get the care that she needs right now if she came back home. There was just no way we could do it.

Once I calmed down a bit, I spoke at length with the hospital social worker. She made everything so easy for us. She gave me a list of nursing/rehab centers that took Medicare, and got me in touch with someone who got Mom's application for Medicare taken care of.

The biggest issue in the past few days is Mom's increasing confusion. At times, she is unable to distinguish the difference between reality and her dreams or even a television show. One moment she will be completely lucid and coherent, fifteen minutes later, she doesn't know where she is, and is convinced that they are doing construction at the hospital in the middle of the night.

I can't begin to explain how troubling it is to see my mom, a once formidable woman, now at times child-like and unaware of her surroundings. Part of me wants to just sit down and cry, part of me wants to sit down and drink, and part of me wants her to just be the same woman who's driven me crazy for the past 41 years.

All I know right now, is that the woman I have always known as my mom, is not here. And I feel lost, too.

I Can't Seem To Stop!

2009-07-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, I think this is some sort of record for me, three blog posts in one day? Wow. But this important stuff, man. I mentioned in my earlier post that Chickenhead and I were making Indian food this weekend, and Lola asked if I could share my recipes. Well sure! For me one of the best things about cooking is sharing it with someone else. Unless it's burnt or something. Then you can just throw it out in the back yard for the neighborhood cats, opossums, foxes and racoons. Yep, it's a regular Wild Kingdom around my house! Anyway, here we go-

I'm making Chicken Tikka Masala, using this recipe-
Pastor Ryan's Chicken Tikka Masala

If you don't have an Indian market nearby, you can make your own garam masala seasoning. Here's the recipe for that-

Garam Masala Seasoning
1 tablespoon coriander; ground
1 tablespoon cumin; ground
1 tablespoon ground black pepper
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper; ground
1 tablespoon fennel seeds; ground
1 tablespoon ginger; ground
1 tablespoon cardamom; ground
1 tablespoon nutmeg; ground
1 TEASPOON cloves; ground

You need some naan to go with that meal! I was really surprised at how easy naan is to make. Go ahead, don't be afraid!

Naan

There are also a lot of yummy looking recipes for Indian food at What's 4 Eats.

I seriously love trying different foods from different cultures. I may start doing a monthly thing where I try a new dish and share the results here!

A Title Would Be Nice

2009-07-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

I’m feeling especially wordy today, I suppose. After a couple of weeks of not feeling like I had much to say, now I’m bubbling over with random thoughts.

Chickenhead is going to sign up for football tomorrow. Tackle football. He says he wants to be a runningback. I’m fine with him wanting to play, but nine years of being his mom makes me question his commitment. Chickenhead doesn’t like to sweat. At all. It seriously bugs him. In the summer, he’ll spend five or ten minutes running around outside and then declare that “it’s too hot!” and make a beeline for the nearest air-conditioned indoor shelter. I’m going to be cautiously optimistic on this whole adventure. There might be photos of him in his green and yellow uniform, maybe not. I’m not running out to get scrapbook supplies just yet!

My friend Carol posted this on her blog yesterday. Use one word, and one word only to answer the questions. Here are my answers, play along if you like!

USE ONLY ONE WORD!
It’s not as easy as you might think. Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s really hard to use only one-word answers.
1. Where is your cell phone? here
2. Your hair? forlorn
3. Your mother? crochety
4. Your father? heaven
5. Your favorite food? flavorful
6. Your dream last night? None
7. Your favorite drink? Coke
8. Your dream/goal? Happiness
9. What room are you in? Cubicle
10. Your hobby? Papercrafting
11. Your fear? Critters
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Content
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren’t? slim
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? shoes
17. Where did you grow up? Kansas
18. Last thing you did? typed
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Your TV? several
21. Your pets? Parakeet
22. Friends? many
23. Your life? Awesome
24. Your mood? resigned
25. Missing someone? Yes
26. Vehicle? Hoopty
27. Something you’re not wearing? earrings
28. Your favorite store? craft
29. Your favorite color? Pink
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? days
32. Your best friend? Rhonda
33. One place that I go to over and over? Michael's
34. One person who emails me regularly? Carol
35. Favorite place to eat? Out!

I had a minor freak out this morning when I realized that we were about three weeks from the start of school. Holy crap! That means a trip to the Walmarts to buy school supplies, which means that I will most likely have a nervous breakdown sometime here in the very near future. Have you ever been in the school supply section of WalMart during the BTS frenzy? I am a seasoned, pro shopper, and let me tell you, it is not for the faint of heart. Plus, there's shoes to buy, the picking out of the new lunchbox, the trying on of jeans, etc. Oh boy.

Chickenhead and I are going to make more Indian food this weekend. I may not get to the Indian market, but I think I've got all the ingredients to make my own garam masala seasoning, so I'm ready to rock. I think tomorrow night is going to be enchiladas, though.

Carol also gave me a couple of blog awards (yay me!) and I’ll be passing those along this weekend. Stay tuned. As Ed McMahon used to say, you may already be a winner!

Teenage Wasteland

2009-07-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Gladys wrote about her teenaged years, and asked for others to do the same. Not all of my memories of that harrowing time of my life are exactly my fondest, but here goes.

I was pretty shy as a child. Being the chubby kid through most of grade school didn’t do much for my social skills, so I was more of an observer than a participator. I wasn’t really prepared, mentally anyway, for junior high. I remember feeling so confused; I wanted desperately to fit in, yet at the same time, I wanted in a way to stand out. I knew I would never be part of the junior high and later, high school hierarchy. That was for the thin girls with the perfectly feathered hair and the right clothes. While I was no longer the chubby kid, I still was not, in my eyes anyway, anywhere close to perfect. I would never fit in.

In high school, I had three close friends: Rhonda, Carol and Beth. I eventually made a small circle of friends, but these three wonderful gals were always the closest. They were the girls I hung out at the mall with, skipped school with, and obsessed over boys with. Boys. Ugh, boys! I didn’t date much in high school. If any guys were interested, they either didn’t show it, or if they did, I was too busy pining after some guy I never stood a chance with. Geez, is there anything worse than high school? I’m starting to think not.

Since my teenaged years were right smack in the middle of the 80’s, I have a lot of fond, if not the occasional somewhat painful memories of –

Those fingerless lace gloves like Madonna wore
Parachute pants
Legwarmers
‘ET’
Calvin Klein jeans
MTV – they showed videos back then!
Bonne Bell Lip Smackers- the big ones on a cord so you could wear your lip gloss around your neck, at the ready for whatever your lips might have to contend with.
Love’s Baby Soft or Heaven Scent

So there you have it. I am so, SO happy that my teenaged years are behind me. I would love to have my 16-year old body back, but that’s about it. I think that body and the brain I have now, could be a deadly combination! Ok, maybe not!

Kitchen Disasters

2009-07-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today over at Lola's Diner, the 'Blog Back Time' topic is Worst Kitchen Disaster. I've been thinking all morning about whether or not I've ever had a kitchen disaster, becuase for the most part, I've been very lucky in the kitchen. One particular episode does come to mind, though.

Back when Chickenhead turned 4, we had a pirate-themed birthday party. Pirate parties were not in vogue then, so finding all the pirate loot was a challenge. I've never been one to back down from a challenge, though, and I decided I was going to bake the cake to look like a pirate ship. I would decorate it with root-beer barrel candies, and Whoppers for the cannon balls. Yes, I had a plan!

The one thing I didn't have though, was a pirate-ship cake pan. No pan? No problem! I would simply bake two round cakes, cut them in half and set them on the rounded sides to simulate a ship. Enough chocolate frosting and the kids wouldn't care what it looked like, I reasoned. I found some cute little pirate figures in the cake decorating section at Michael's and I was in business.

Baking the cakes was easy enough, and I put them in the fridge overnight to cool. I woke up early the morning of the party and got to decorating. I got my cake halves frosted and stacked next to each other. I ran the tines of a fork through the frosting to simulate the wood. I stood back to admire my work and slowly but surely, the layers of cake began to fall away from each other. And fall apart in to a crumbling mess. Which was pretty much what I did at that point. After I finished cursing the cake, the frosting, the oven, the party itself and anything else I could think of, I realized I still needed a cake for the party that would be starting later that afternoon.

And so, at 6 AM, I headed up to the grocery store in search of cake. I figured surely they would have something made up in the bakery that I could just throw the little pirate figures on. But no, at 6 AM on a Saturday morning, there were no bakery cakes to be had unless I wanted a chocolate pudding bundt cake. Muttering under my breath like a crazy woman, I dashed to the baking aisle and picked up more frosting and another cake mix. By golly, I was going to make this cake and I was going to show it who was boss! I paid for my purchases and went home.

Again I baked two round cakes and threw them in the freezer to cool. I whipped the frosting to get it extra smooth. This time, it went on the cake perfectly. I woke up and held the layers together with some wooden skewers. I gave up on decorating it with root-beer barrels and Whoppers because it turned out Chickenhead had eaten all of them the night before. I put the little pirate dudes on the cake, and even made a couple of sails from some paper and more skewers. This would be a great place for me to post a photo, but I don't happen to have one. I'll have to scan it later. For all the blood, sweat and tears I went through, that cake turned out pretty damned good! It was hardly cake-wrecky at all!

After that episode, I vowed to never make another birthday cake. It was too emotionally draining! I bounced back the next year, though, to make an R2D2 cake that finally did me in. I've bought either cupcakes or a sheet cake since then. The best way to avoid a cooking disaster, I think, is to know your limits. And when you think you know your limits, go ahead and scale it back a few notches anyway!

The Plot Thickens...UPDATE

2009-07-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

So last night after I wrote my blog, I had a good laugh at Uncle Buck (rhymes with, well you know what Buck rhymes with!)being possibly stuck with two car payments.

But then I got to thinking. How could he trade the car in, when the credit union wouldn't release the title because there was a balance on the loan? I decided to check out Carfax.

Turns out, I'm too cheap for Carfax! They will give me info, but I have to pay $40 to see it, and what if it turns out to be info I don't need? A call to the state offices was in order. I called the Dept of Revenue and explained the situation. I may or may not have pretended to be my momma, but that's not essential to the story right now. What is essential is the fact that the Dept. of Revenue has in their records that the title was released in May! Two whole months ago! If the title was released, why is there still a balance on the loan? Back to the credit union.

I called the credit union and gave them the info that Topeka gave me. Now, they have no idea what's going on. I have to call back tomorrow. The credit union still shows an outstanding balance on the loan. I'm wondering if Uncle Buck re-registered the title in his name only? Was the release of the title back in May a lucky fluke for Uncle Buck? Will I ever get a break from all this nonsense?

Stay tuned...

7/23/09-UPDATE-
Well, the credit union released the title in error back in May. They contacted Uncle Buck as soon as they discovered the error, and told him to bring it back in to the credit union. Uncle Buck never got around to it, though. So Uncle Buck now has an unsecured loan that the credit union will be wanting him to pay off. My mom won't have to deal with any more of this BS, at least for the time being. I'm now contemplating sending Uncle Buck a certified letter telling him that being as he's the one who held on to the title, and traded the car in, this is his baby now. I can't write it just yet, though. I'm still a little too ticked, and I don't think I could keep my cool. Case solved!

I've Got The Power! (of attorney)

2009-07-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

OK so. About a month or so ago, I set up a durable power of attorney for my mom. I wanted to make sure that if she was ever in a situation where she wasn't able to speak for herself, or wasn't fully understanding what was going on, I would be able to step in and help her out. Today, I had to step in!

Last year, my mom bought a 2003 Dodge Intrepid. When she went to finance it, the dealer told her she would need a co-signer so that they could get her a lower interest rate and keep the payments low. Enter my uncle, her brother in law. Let's call him Uncle Buck. For some reason, Uncle Buck was listed first on the loan paperwork and on the title. When my mom questioned this, the credit union where she had the loan assured her that as long as she was making the payments, it would be reflected on her credit that the loan was current and on time. So far, so good.

In June, when my mom broke her kneecap, Uncle Buck was over here lickety split to get the car. "You don't need the car", he told my mom. "You can't drive, and what with your mind the way it is, you're not safe on the road." Possibly true, but not the most tactful thing to say to someone when they are not only physically injured, but at an emotional low point. I told my mom then, if she didn't have the car, she should sell it or let him take over the payments. She didn't want to, and decided that if she was making the payments, the car should be sitting in her driveway, not his. Uncle Buck brought the car back, tossing the keys at me when I opened the door. "Give these to your mother", he grumbled as he walked off.

A couple of weeks later, he calls my momma. "My truck broke down, can I drive the car until I get it fixed?" Of course, my momma said yes, and off Uncle Buck went with the car. Cut to this past weekend. On Friday, Uncle Buck calls to ask if mom still wants to sell the car. She tells him that yes, she wants to sell it, as she realizes that she probably won't drive again. On Saturday, Uncle Buck calls her and tells her that she won't have to worry about the car payment anymore. Uncle Buck didn't sell the car, though. No, Uncle Buck took her car and his truck (that suddenly wasn't broken down any more) and traded them in on a new car for himself. How low. How sneaky.

So today, I took a copy of the POA to the credit union to find out if what he did was legit. In Kansas, it is. The title on the car was Momma and/or Uncle Buck. So he could trade the car in or sell it without her knowledge or consent. But. The loan on the car has not been paid off. The credit union won't release the title to the new owner until the lien has been paid. So unless they get the payoff in the next couple of days, looks like Uncle Buck will be stuck with two loans. HA! In your face, Uncle Buck!

What makes me so mad, what hurts so much, is seeing how much this has hurt my mom. It sucks when a family member pulls some sneaky-snake moves on you.

Suppose They Threw A Party And Nobody Showed Up?

2009-07-20T06:30:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was probably one of the nicest weekends, weather-wise anyway, that we've had around these parts in quite a while. I worked in the yard and enjoyed the sunshine and cooler temps. Yep, Saturday was beautiful. Until we had to go over to my FIL and Grand FIL's (see photo representation above) house for a cookout.

The two Grumps have a routine of going to Bob Evans for breakfast nearly every morning. They always make sure they get seated with the same waitress, and they know pretty much all the wait staff there. To honor all of their Bob Evans buddies, they decided to invite all of them over to their house for a cook out.

When they decide to throw a party, however, everyone else in the family is expected to drop whatever they are doing to go help them get ready for their soiree. Do I sound bitter? Why yes, I am. It's very frustrating to have to put up with them demanding that we do something, and when we do it, they grouse and complain about how it's not done to their exacting specifications. Why they don't just do all the planning and execution themselves, I have yet to figure out. Why the rest of us all seem to go along with their insane demands is an even greater mystery to me.

Anyway, come Saturday afternoon, we arrive at the Grumps' house. We needed to get there a little early to get the grill going, make sure the food was ready to roll, etc. When we got there, the Grumps were even grumpier than usual, which I didn't think would be possible. On Friday, they had confirmed RSVPs for around 40 of their Bob Evans posse. Folks were bringing their families, this was going to be the social event of the season for the Grumps. When we arrived, the Grumps announced that nobody was showing. Bobapalooza was a flop. Everyone had cancelled on them. There they sat, madder than a couple of wet hens, up to their necks in fresh corn, around 50 uncooked hamburger patties and the three dozen deviled eggs my MIL made at her ex-husband's (the FIL) request. I actually felt a little bad for them. They thought they had friends. One guy did finally show, a manager, I think. He didn't stay long, though. He had to go to work. To say the mood at Grump Manor was dark is an understatement.

So, my BIL and the Husband fired up the grill, and cooked some burgers and some brats and dogs. We grilled some ears of corn on a grate in the fire pit. We ate and we bantered back and forth the way family members do. Gramps stayed cranky and yelled at the boys whenever they splashed in the pool, which is 90% of the time they were in there. We stayed and talked until it started to get dark, and the mosquitos got really nasty. And then we went home.

The Grumps are still angry and hurt that nobody bothered to show up. I wonder where they ate breakfast this morning?

OK, A Little Market Research

2009-07-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

You all have been great in your responses to my post from yesterday about my Etsy store. So now I have some more detailed questions for you, the consumer. Let your voices be heard! Sorry, it's just me listening for now, but you go ahead and enjoy that little surge of power!

1. Would you be more likely to purchase-
a) Medium-sized tote bag -For taking stuff to work, or knitting, etc.
b) Large tote bag that could also be used as a grocery bag

2. Do you like the idea of a 'soft' lunch bag made of oilcloth so it could be wiped clean?

3. Purses/handbags/pocketbooks/the black hole/whatever you call yours- Do you prefer-
a)an adjustable strap
b)a detachable shoulder strap
c)funky, cool handles

Thank you for your input! It will help me to focus on what I really want to make!

So I've Been Thinking...

2009-07-14T09:47:00.001-07:00

Last year, I was giving thought to setting up an Etsy store to sell some of my handmade bags and cards. I signed up on Etsy, but that's about as far as it got. Life has a way of interrupting my grand plans, and the whole idea got away from me.

I never let it get away completely, though. A part of me still wants to not just be creative, but share that creativity with others. The whole idea, as much as it excites me, also fills me with dread. I find myself wondering about the more challenging 'what-ifs', and how to deal with them.

What If #1- The economy sucks right now. What if nobody wants to buy anything? How much would someone be willing to pay for a handmade bag or a set of handmade cards? I want to charge reasonable prices for my goods, but I don't want to stiff myself, either.

What If #2- I have a ridiculously short attention span. What if I get bored with this venture? Worse yet, what if it becomes like a job? Part of why I enjoy making things is that I do it because I want to, not because I have to.

What If #3- What if I fail? What if my little Etsy shop sits there all forlorn and ignored? It's much riskier to not do it and always wonder if I could have, than to just try and possibly fail. But. Failing sucks. I hate failing! At anything!

If anyone has any advice or answers, I'm all ears!