Wednesday, December 31, 2008


I usually don't make new year resolutions because they never last more than a day or maybe three days, if I'm especially good. The other day I got to thinking about this, and thought, 'what if I think of them as re-solutions'? This makes me think that if I did something right in the past year, I should keep on doing it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, as they say. So in the interest of maintaining my self-delusion, here are my Re-Solutions for 2009-

1. I will continue to give the Husband the gift of Cheese Puffs for his birthday, Father's Day, Christmas, and any other holiday that pops up. If I had known he was this easy to please, I would have started doing this years ago.

2. I will continue to champion the drama free holiday concept, and expand on it to include Chickenhead's birthday. I do not have the patience to put up with other people's lack of ability to get along with their family members. Check your attitude and issues at the door, or march it back on down the driveway and go home.

3. I'm going to make sure I have more time with Chickenhead. I want more time playing Raving Rabbids TV Party with him, and more time cooking and baking together in the kitchen. He'll be 9 this year, so I figure I've only got a couple more years left before it becomes painfully obvious that he thinks I am the un-coolest person he knows. At least now I can still shoot toilet plungers at zombie-chickens with him and teach him the words to Ramones songs, and he thinks I'm awesome. Let me have at least one more year of that!

4. I'm also going to commit to more time to persue my interests. More creativity is what my brain is craving, and I have a driving need to break out the paper, the scissors, the glue and all my other scrappy stuff and go to town. Sometimes I look at my scrapbook stuff and feel like I'm in a foreign land, and I hate that. I started working on it more towards the end of this year, and it's great therapy. Almost as good as shooting zombie-chickens.

So, I think that's it. No more setting goals for myself that I'm doomed to fail, I'll just keep on doing the ones I know I can't screw up. What about you? What are you re-solutions?

Have a wonderful New Year!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Important Holiday Reminders

Well, tonight is our family dinner and gift exchange with the Husband's family. I'm writing these reminders mostly for myself, but you may find something useful here as well. Ready?

1. Do not discuss politics, no matter how wrong and or/racist your in-laws are about President-Elect Obama. Even if your 8-year old nephew states (again) that the day McCain lost the election was the saddest day of his young life, say nothing. Even when your almost 90-year old grandfather in-law refers to PE Obama as 'that (expletive) who'll be shot before he serves a month in office', keep quiet.

2. Nix the religious conversation as well. Politely ignore your mother in-law when she questions why you have crucifixes, statues of Shiva and Bhudda all in your home, peacefully co-existing side by side.

3. If certain estranged family members show up, do your best to be civil and polite. Maybe if they are willing to put aside differences for the holidays, you should be, too. Of course, the moment they become annoying pinheads, you are well within your rights to politely ask them to not ruin the holiday and act like a spoiled brat in front of their children.

4. Keep reminding yourself that they will leave at some point. The kitchen will be clean again, the wrapping paper will all be picked up and thrown away. Your house will return to normal at some point.

5. Most of all, let go and enjoy yourself. It's one night out of the year that you have to put up with this festival of idiots. Delight in your child playing with his cousins. Sit back with a glass or two or six of wine and people watch and just smile when anyone asks you how you're doing. They'll be out of there by 10PM tops, and you can sleep in tomorrow!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you!
Lots of love

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


OK, so. I was all excited because I had two days off from work. Yay! I would get all the holiday shopping done, the presents wrapped, bake a few more cookies and make sure I made it to the liquor store to stock up on Christmas cheer.

As I have learned with most plans, nothing ever goes according to schedule. I haven't gone out shopping because it's too danged cold! I still need to wrap presents, hell, I still need to BUY presents. I did bake some cookies with Chickenhead on Saturday night, but it wasn't as fun as it might have been, thanks to the stupid cookie press. Why did I buy myself that thing? Anybody have any tips? Anyone? Besides tossing it in the garbage?

Sunday night, I sat down at the computer and started getting some crazy pop-ups, which I usually never get. Well guess what? I got a lovely malware infection! I spent most of yesterday trying to get rid of it, and while I finally got rid of the malware, I can now only operate my PC in 'safe mode'. The Husband has a friend who works on computers, but he's getting ready to take a week off for the holidays. So posting around here will be few and far between.

Really though, none of this matters too much to me. Christmas is a couple of days away, and I'm excited. Sure, it will be nuts going out later today to buy a few more things for Chickenhead, and sure, I've got a ton of presents to wrap and some homemade mac and cheese to whip up, but it's all good. It will all work out.

So, if I don't check in again in the next day or so, have the loveliest of holidays! May your Christmas and/or Hanukkah be filled with love, laughter, and the people who mean the most to you. And when they all finally leave, may you have enough wine left to have a glass and enjoy the silent night!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Family BS

Well, the whole 'drama-free' holiday that I was desperately hoping for this Christmas is slipping out of my hands. I can't see anything but a Jerry Springer celebration ahead of me.

My MIL has decided that she will come over bright and early on Christmas Eve to 'help'. I have to work Christmas Eve, but don't know for sure when I'll be getting off of work. If I knew she could get the dinner ready in my kitchen without destroying everything, I could deal with it better, I think. I have severe OCD issues about my kitchen, and the thought of someone else cooking, leaving the burners on, burning stuff, melting plastic lids, triggering the smoke alarm, etc., just makes me break out in hives.

My FIL and Grand-FIL will also be coming. The FIL and the MIL have been divorced for 30 years, but still can't stand to be in the same room together. Gramps has had a terrible year health-wise, so he's crankier than usual. I adore Gramps, and to see him frail and quite frankly, nearing the end of his days with us, saddens me deeply. I guess he's earned his right to crank, given what he's been through.

My BIL, the Husband's brother and his wife are currently separated. We invited him and their two sons to come over, but his wife, Princess Crazyhead, has decided that the boys need to be with her and her parents on Christmas Eve, so we won't get to see them. Of all the family craziness, this hurts the most. I know their boys don't understand what's going on in their lives right now, and my heart breaks for them. I would love to be able to hug them and tell them that we love them always, but I won't get to do that. Chickenhead doesn't understand either; he just wants to play Wii with his cousins. The word on the family grapevine is that she has said some very cruel things to my BIL about his family, and I can't help but wonder what she tells the boys.

Nan and Pap, the Husband's maternal grandparents, may also join us. They do not get along with FIL or Gramps very well. Talk about everyone holding a grudge. Nan also likes to pass along 'advice' she hears on the radio from the evangelists she listens to. One of my favorite gems she's passed to me was a warning not to have my baby in a hospital because it would be microchipped (to the best of my knowledge, Chickenhead does NOT have a microchip). Microchips, are after all, how they caught OKC bomber Timothy McVeigh so dang fast. Everyone gets a chip when they go in to the military, don't you know that?

So, within the next few days, I see a long, extended trip to a little place I like to call The Misty Arbors. In Misty Arbors, everything is relaxed, mellow and a little fruity. I may make a side trip down to the old Boone's Farm as well. I know I'm always welcome there, and the family troubles are far, far away.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

What The?!...

Since I'm off work today, I've had plenty of time to peruse the many offerings of the wide, wide world of the interwebs. It really is possible to Google, then buy, almost anything you can think of.

But who thought of this?

I'm thinking the crazy cat lady at the end of the road has too much time on her hands. But,if you think you're furry friend can't live another moment without pink (or electric blue, blond or silver)hair, click on over to Kitty Wigs.

Lots of us are Ebay freaks, always looking for a good bargain. Might I suggest the toad purse?

What kind of person looks at a toad and thinks, 'wow, that would make a swell place to store my loose change'?

Maybe you're not in the mood for shopping, how about this inspiring story?

I'm almost sure that the story of Mike The Headless Chicken will touch your heart. Or make you crave some Popeye's chicken. Did I say that out loud?

That's all for now, I'm off in search of more oddities on the internets! And get some chicken!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My Secret Shame

I hadn't planned on outing myself about this at all. It's all Lurkergirl's fault! She posted a blog yesterday about the book and movie, 'Twilight'. I thought I was the only woman of a mature nature that was obsessed with these eternal teen vampires. Apparently, there's an entire hidden army of us Twilight-cougars who are thinking all kinds of wicked thoughts about Edward Cullen.

I've loved vampire stories for as long as I can recall. I loved watching any kind of vampire movie, 'Brahm Stoker's Dracula' with Gary Oldman, is my all time favorite. I've read all of Ann Rice's books, too. There's also Laurel Hamilton's Vampire Hunter series of books, which are much more risque, to put it mildly. The movie, 'Interview With a Vampire' was just OK. The books usually are much better than the movie versions. Other than the Lestat series, I've never read a book more than once, and I've now read Twilight a couple of times, and New Moon twice, also. I'm going to pick up Eclipse tomorrow at Borders as an early Christmas gift to myself, and what the hey, I may splurge at get Breaking Dawn, too.

'Twilight' the movie is good, but of course, not as good as the book. And to be honest, the way Edward was described in the book, I didn't think whomever they cast in the role could live up to those lofty descriptions. But I think they did quite well-

Yes, indeed!

I did think that in the movie, Robert Pattinson's eyebrows were a bit overdone, but no matter, he's quite the handsome thing, isn't he?

Now we have to wait an entire year for the 'New Moon' movie. I'm anxious to see how it translates to the big screen, since Edward is not in the book for much of the story. I'm also interested to see what the werewolves look like, and am hoping that they have a bigger budget for special effects.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go grab the copy of Twilight that's in our communal library here at work. I have a feeling that with all the snow here today, I'm going to have a long bus ride home, and plenty of time to read!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Little Known Facts About Me...

I doubt that your life will be that much richer once you know the following tidbits, but I present them to you, anyway. Here we go-

1. It pisses me off when other people don't understand or even worse, ridicule my few OCD traits. For example, in the silverware drawer, I have the dinner forks going in one direction, the smaller salad forks in the other. Same with the soup and teaspoons. When my momma moved in, she pointed and laughed and promptly just threw all the forks in any ol' which way and the spoons, too. I damned near broke out in to hives.

2. Other kitchen related OCD issues- All of the knives have to have the handles going in the same direction in the knife block. I'm left handed, so when I reach for a knife, I want it setting in my hand the correct way. And, it bugs the hell out of me if I see that they're going in all different directions. Also, I HAVE to load the plates in the dishwasher a certain way, as well as the silverware in the little basket. I have tried not to care, but that's just beyond me. I also prefer my cabinets organized a certain way, and since my momma moved in, that's all flown by the wayside. I like labels facing out, and certain items in certain cabinets. She's squirrelling away saltine crackers over in the cabinet where the casserole dishes are, and that's just not gonna work any more.

3. I really, really, really hate the color beige. What a blah color. It's the color of depression if you ask me. And if you look around, there's a lot of beige in the world.

4. I can't stand to have the caps on any of my hair stuff in the bathroom. I pop those babies off and toss them the minute I get them home. I got tired of trying to pull a cap off of a bottle of spray gel with wet hands, so I just threw them all out.

5. I truly believe that Alzheimer's is a variant of Creutszfeld-Jakobs (sp?) disease, a/k/a, mad cow. The beef that we consume these days is filled to the brim with anti-biotics, growth hormones and Lord only knows what else. I have no proof for my theory, only what I've read in books like Fast Food Nation and other articles on the USDA and their appalling inaction. I also saw a headline somewhere online today that said that Low-Carb diets can lead to Alzheimer's. So, yeah, I'm not a scientist or anything, and to be honest, I'll probably never stop eating meat, but I wish the powers that be would be a little bit more truthful with us.

6. I have a bad crafting habit that involves starting up some big, complex project and never finishing it. I can tell you tales of half-knitted scarves, cards, purses, and counted cross-stich projects. Especially the cross-stitch. When the husband proposed to me, I began a beautiful Victorian-inspired wedding sampler. It's all done except for part of the bride's dress, and putting in our names and the date. I'll be married to the Husband 14 years come this January, and I don't see that picture getting done anytime soon. I showed it to Chickenhead not too long ago, and he looked at the bride and groom and said, 'That's not Daddy, that guy has hair!'. So did Daddy once baby, so did Daddy.

7. Sometimes, I think Chickenhead's lactose intolerance is killing me, because I haven't kept ice cream in the house for almost 8 months now. I suppose in the long run that's good, but man. What I wouldn't do for some Ben and Jerry's now and again! But I would feel horrible eating it in front of Chickenhead, knowing how much he likes it, and that he can't have it.

8. If you haven't checked out Raphael Saadiq's album (cd, whatever) The Way I See It, you really should. He's modern, classic R&B and his voice is as smooth as Sam Cooke's. Go buy it, download it, whatever it is that you do. Trust me.

9. The other night I dreamed that I found a kitten in our house, and I was trying to hide it from the Husband, for fear that he would make me get rid of it. I named the kitten 'Curtis Martin', whom I've since found out is an NFL, and an NHL player. So, if I get a cat, I'm for sure going to name it Curtis Martin, because that sounds like kind of a cool cat name.

10. I am SO tired of Tom Cruise, and Katiebot and Suribot. Why are these people always walking this poor child around like they're in some purebreed show? Why do I rarely see this little girl smile? Why doesn't she wear a coat half the time? Why does Katie look like she's aged about 25 years in about 6 months? She needs to take that baby and go get herself deprogrammed!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Random Thoughts

I'm feeling strangely peaceful about the holidays despite the fact that I have not yet bought one single solitary gift. I'll do that next Wednesday when I have the day off. The Husband and I will go shopping and I'll come home and get everything wrapped and hidden before Chickenhead gets home from school. Easy peasy.

I'm trying to organize the in-laws to come over for dinner on Christmas Eve. We've always done dinner on Christmas Eve, and it would mean the world to Chickenhead. My MIL is in, but my FIL is being his usual difficult self. I told him we would be having dinner, and he says 'well, I have a (photo)shoot at 10 AM'. OK. Who has pictures taken on Christmas Eve? And even so, is it going to take him from 10 AM until around 6 PM to complete this shoot? Really? But you know what? It doesn't bother me. I can't control his crazy, I can only control mine.

The Husband and I are in the talking stages of planning our first ever family vacation. Dear Lord help me. We want to drive, so the short list includes Louisville, Chicago or San Antonio as possible destinations. I also suggested Mall of America, but it was met with little interest. I think Chickenhead would love Chicago, especially Shedd Aquarium and the Museum of Natural History. So, we'll see where all this talk leads us to. I have a feeling it will only lead to being stuck in a car together for 8 hours, with an endless loop of Star Wars on a portable DVD player and me and the Husband speaking to each other only through gritted teeth, but I'm game for it, I suppose.

In a bit of sad news from my world, my iPod died this morning. Crap. The Husband says I can use his until I get a new one. I am now trying to decide- iPod Classic that can hold 30,000 songs or a Zune? Suggestions?

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Men I Like- Olivier Martinez

Oh, Olivier...

I knew this guy was something else when I saw him in 'Unfaithful'. And let's face it; if you're going to cheat on Richard Gere (RICHARD GERE, PEOPLE!), it had better be with an extra spicy piece like Olivier Martinez. Jeepers. Jinkies. I need to stop watching Scooby Doo.

And sure, he's kind of a man-whore, what with allegedly cheating on Kylie Minogue and all, but he's still awfully nice to look at!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

WTH Kind of GD Crap Is This?!

So...lately, when Chickenhead takes his lunch to school, he brings back 3/4 of it uneaten. Even when I make his favorite- baloney (gag) and cheese. I've tried every possible lunch option out there, almost all of it comes back home. I asked him what was up with the lunch deal, and I got two different answers.

The first answer was that a kid in his class, we'll call him Drowsy (because he sleeps through class. And yes, the teacher allows it), 'bothers' people at the lunch table. Chickenhead now says that Drowsy is not harassing them any more, so why isn't he eating?

Well, Chickenhead has said on more than one occasion this year, that they just don't have enough time to eat. I did some investigating, and here's what I found out. The class gets 25 minutes for lunch. The kids that bring their lunch (like Chickenhead) have to wait to eat until the kids that buy their lunch get finished in line at sit at the table. That way they all have the same amount of time to eat. Which is usually about 10-15 minutes. Are you fricking kidding me?!

OK, I know that in third grade they're not going to get enough time to down a three course meal. But asking kids to wolf it down in 15 minutes seems a bit much. Why should the kids that bring their lunch have to wait for the kids that buy? The teacher says that it's so they don't get finished eating too soon. And while I suppose I can understand that to an extent, it doesn't seem right somehow.

I'll be honest here. Every year, there is something wackadoodle that goes on at this school that just makes me nuts. And more and more, I think that maybe homeschooling might be a better option for us. Not just because of the lunch thing, but for a lot of other reasons, especially Chickenhead's A.D.D. He's doing well in school, but he could be doing better, and he's said often that his teacher goes too fast on lessons for him to keep up.

So, I'm homeschooling, would we be working in his best interest and adapting his educational experience to his needs or would we be coddling him? This is where I always end up on the fence; I want him to have the social experience of going to school, interacting with his peers, etc., but honestly, I'm getting fed up with the public school BS.

If there are any educators, lunch ladies or home-schoolers out there, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts!