Thursday, April 30, 2009

Men I Like- On Second Thought....

Back in November, I posted about the hotness that is Adrien Brody.

I posted this picture of him that I think shows quite nicely why he is deserving of my adoration-



Yes, yes. Momma likey! But today, I go on to DListed and I find this-



What the hell kind of Joaquin Phoenix crap is this?!





Oh, who am I kidding here? Yeah, he may look like a complete tool in those Old Navy board shorts or whatever he's wearing, and he may have shoelaces just like my son has in his sneaks, but look at him in that white tank top. With the sunglasses and the jeans and that swagger? That's what me and my friend Rhonda refer to as sex on a stick. OK, Adrien. We're cool for now. Just stay away from Joaquin, will ya?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Men I Like- Mike Rowe

I normally don't pay a whole lot of attention to the programming on the Discovery Channel. Oh, if I'm in the room, I watch a bit of 'Mythbusters' and I always try to catch some of 'Shark Week', but I'm not a regular devotee to the channel. Except when it comes to 'Dirty Jobs'. Man, do I love me some 'Dirty Jobs'!

The premise of the show is simple- the host is sent to do various jobs around the country that are dirty, sweaty, back-breaking labor. Poop of some sort is usually involved. And the man there in the middle of all that poop? Why, it's this man-



Mike Rowe. What a guy. What a voice. He sings opera too, you know. And he narrates many other shows on Discovery Channel. He looks very um, fit, doesn't he? If he ever needs help cleaning up, I would be willing to help. I'm just like that. Always willing to pitch in and help out when needed!

Monday, April 27, 2009

All Kinds of Random

I've been in kind of a funk, lately. I'm not really sure why, just feeling a bit blah. It's starting to lift though, and I think it's in part due to the fact that the season is finally starting to change. Yes, spring and summer bring more work in the form of yard work, but this year, I've got a couple of willing(sort of) helpers-



(the black bar is to protect the Husband's identity. He's having a bit of a crisis, as he looked at this photo and realized he's inheriting his daddy's belly)

But really, I think I'm glad to finally be able to get out of the house without there being snow, ice or freezing temperatures to greet me.

Chickenhead joined me at work last week, and had a great time. He couldn't get over what a big city I work in. I realized I keep him in the suburbs too much; every little noise made him question what it was. We heard some sort of bang or crash or whatever coming from a parking garage and he asked, "was that a gunshot?" I told him no, I really didn't know what it was, but I was fairly certain that it was not gunfire. "Right", he said. "If it was gunfire, the police would be here!" Um, yeah. Let's hope so. It was even more fun for me, I think, to get to share part of my day with him. And it made it more interesting to me to kind of take a look at the world around me through his eyes. I think we all need a kid's perspective in our lives.

If you look over there to the right, you'll see that I got a blog award! Yay! Thank you so much, Gladys. Part of accepting this award is paying it forward to ten other blogs. So without further ado, here are my blog award winners-



1. Around Our House- My dear friend Carol's blog. She takes awesome pictures, is funny as hell, and is an amazing scrapper. She's got it goin' on.

2. Lurking In LaVida Loca Lurker Girl doesn't post a whole lot, but when she does, it's required reading. She's smart, funny and all kinds of cool.

3. The Women's Colony Brought to you by the delightful Mrs. G from Derfwad Manor, and Melanie from Beanpaste, this blog is more than just a blog. Take a peek over there and see what all is going on.

4. Bakerella- Bakerella inspires me to try new things in the kitchen. She freely admits when she has problems in the kitchen, which is reassuring. She can rock a cakepop like nobody's business!

5. Gladys Tells All- Yes, even thought Gladys gave me the award, I have to give one back to her, too. Gladys has a real knack for story telling, and I look forward to her posts every day.

6. Minnesota Matron I'm a new fan of the Matron, but I love her writing. She's bluntly honest and funny.

7. Suburban Correspsondent- I discovered the Suburban over at The Women's Colony. She has a nice way with words, and she has six kids, which makes her a saint in my book.

8. Gluten-Free Girl- I first discovered Shauna a couple of Thanksgiving's ago when I was looking for a gluten-free gravy recipe I could make for my nephew. Her blog is so much more than just a food blog. Her passion for food, for flavors, for life itself, shows in her writing. She puts words together real good, is what I'm saying.

9. My Sister's Farmhouse Rechelle is one of the funniest Kansan-Americans I know of. Whenever I can use a good laugh, I head over to her blog and am never disappointed.

10. Confessions of a Pioneer Woman- Last but not least, Ree. What doesn't this woman do? And she does it all out in the middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma. I started going there for the recipes and ended up staying for everything else. Now if I can just win one of those contests of hers.

OK, I'm off to play a video game with Chickenhead before bed. I think we're going to shoot zombies or something. Good times!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

R.I.P- Bea Arthur

And then there's Bea! Bea Arthur was a talent unlike no other, absolutely irreplaceable! Enjoy this episode of Maude with me. Bea and Rue McClannahan had a great comedic chemistry.

Part 1 (with the title song!!)-


Part 2-

Monday, April 20, 2009

Monday Night at the Movies- HIRED!

My brain is mush today, so I can't think of a damned thing to write. So, watch this short from the fine folks at MST3K and see how hard car salesmen had it back before the War. You know, the WAR. The big one. WWII.

Friday, April 17, 2009

'Reality' TV? Really?

I'm a sucker for the so-called 'reality' TV shows that have taken over the airwaves. American Idol, Hell's Kitchen, Rock of Love (I'm sorry to admit), Project Runway, Cops, if it has even a smidgen of 'real folks', I am so there. I like to root for the underdog and boo and hiss at the resident meanie.

Lately though, reality TV is not keeping it real. Hell's Kitchen is looking especially scripted this season. Chef Gordon Ramsay is so obviously over this whole thing. How many times can he call someone 'Donkey' or 'Donut'? Why, season after season, do the wannabe chefs have to make beef wellington, risotto and John Dory (what IS John Dory, anyway? I'm too lazy to google right now)?

Things aren't much better over at VH1. Rock of Love (short)Bus has been a wreck of epic proportions, but it's not very enjoyable when even Bret Michaels is looking like he would rather be over at Hell's Kitchen with Ramsay calling him a Donkey (hey, now there's a show).

Some of the newer entrants in the reality TV ring are disturbing. The Real Housewives franchise, for example. I don't know about you, but to me a 'real housewife' is busting her butt 24/7 taking care of her family, stressing over finances, etc. All I see these women do is try to outspend each other and drink a lot of wine. How come I didn't get to be that kind of wife?

Lastly, the kiddie pagent programs- Little Miss Perfect and Toddlers and Tiaras. I have only been able to watch about fifteen minutes of each of these shows. Good lord. I have several issues with these shows. First, since when is it considered attractive to spray your child with tanning mist until they look like Ooompa-Loompas? Orange skin is not healthy looking, no, I think that infact means you have some sort of disease. Also, why all the make-up, teased hair, false eyelashes, and mini-pole-dancer costumes? Why is all of this considered 'attractive' on a child? And what are kids learning from these pagents? I know some of the parents will say that their children are learning confidence, poise, grace, etc., but all I see are children who are being sexualized at a very young age, who are being robbed of their childhoods, and who will ultimately learn that your validity as a human being is based upon how 'pretty' you are. I also think that some pagent parents seem to be living vicariously through their children, seeking for them the attention they feel they never got. I find these shows more sad than entertaining.

So what about you? What are some of your favorite 'reality' programs? Are they keeping it real?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Questions? Answers!

Today, Mrs. G over at the Women's Colony invited readers to post their answers to questions that she herself answered. Confused? Yeah, me too. Sorry! So without further ado, here are my answers to questions her readers asked her-

Who would play you in the movie version of Casa DeChaos?- The only woman who would do me justice would be Megan Mullally, Karen from Will & Grace. She's awesome! (but I'm not liking that new show of hers, In The Motherhood, so much. Sorry Megan!)

When is your birthdate?- It's October 22. Some years I'm a Libra, and once in a great while I'm a Scorpio. Which probably explains my split personality.

Where have you lived?- I was born in KCK, a/k/a Kansas City,Kansas, a/k/a, the 'Dotte. My mom and I also lived briefly in Phoenix, Arizona when I was about 8 or so. Other than that, I've lived in the general KC area all my life. For the most part, I love the Midwest. The weather is getting a little too psychotic for my liking, though.

What was the scariest moment of your life?- Hmm...several years ago, the Husband was in the hospital for what was at the time, an unknown illness. At some point during the night, he went in to cardiac arrest. I was at home with Chickenhead (he was just a little chick then) and woke up to the hospital calling me to tell me that we probably ought to rush over. The Husband was in an ER room, they were trying to get him stabilized and trying to intubate him. They took me and his mom and dad into The Room. You know, the room they take you into to tell you that your loved one might not make it. But the husband did make it, and is doing just fine for the most part. But at that point, it was terrifying. I was afraid he would die, I was afraid my sweet baby wouldn't know his father. I'm glad that all worked out.

Underwear? Yes, please. I don't do sexxay undies, let's just stick to the basics, please. I don't like them too tight or too baggy.

What or who makes you laugh until you cry? Usually if I laugh until I cry, it's because I'm getting loopy from not enough sleep. But George Carlin (RIP) never fails to make me laugh. Also any and all Judd Apatow movies. The waxing scene in The 40-Year Old Virgin comes to mind.

Who would be the the Man I Don't Like? I have to agree with Mrs. G. on this one- Bill O'Reilly. What a pompus gasbag. Also, Sean Manatee(Hannity), Rush Limbaugh, Sen. Sam Brownback of KS and Rev. Fred Phelps would all qualify as Men I Don't Like (and never will).

What food do you obsess over? I love dessert. And a good chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and good country gravy. And biscuits.

Do you have any tattoos? Not yet. I want to get one, but I want to be sure I get something that will not only mean something to me now, but will still have relevance to me when I'm 80.

If you could get a quote tattooed, which one would it be?- "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Ghandi

What connects us? Despite all the crazy bullshit currently going on in our world, I still believe that each of us yearns to love and be loved. It's our faith in ourselves and our fellow man that keeps us going. If not, we would have killed each other off long ago.

Were you funny in elementary school?- I don't think so. I was really pretty shy. I was overweight, average looking, and deeply insecure. Funny, or trying to be funny didn't come in to the picture until maybe junior high. Which is it's own special kind of hell.

What music do you like to rock out to? - For the most part, anything considered 'alternative'. But old Motown gets my dancin' shoes movin', too. And you can't dance to it really, but I love classical, especially anything by Chopin.

What's the one motto you try to live by?- "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."- Eleanor Roosevelt It took me a long time to learn how true this is, and when I finally realized it's full truth, it was a very powerful feeling.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Heathens

This year, I am happy to say, we did not celebrate Easter. Oh, I got Chickenhead a video game, and a few pieces of Easter candy, but this year, the holiday was not a big to-do around the Casa. My MIL brought him over a few pieces of candy and some money, and he was happy. He did not care that an invisible rabbit did not hide candy around the house. He was kind of bummed that we didn't color eggs, but when I reminded him that he didn't like to eat hard-boiled eggs, and neither did the Husband nor I, he was cool with it. But I told him that we would do it next year if he wanted.

We didn't run around buying new clothes to wear to church, because we never do that. I like to think that my connection to the Divine does not require me to go to a special building. I would feel like a hypocrite if I went to church one or two days a year and called myself 'Christian'. Instead, I converse with God/The Divine/Zeus/whatever, on an as-needed basis. I don't need to waste his/her time with endless pleas and chants and prayers. I pray when I need to, chant or meditate when it feels right. And for the first time in my adult life, I'm spiritually comfortable. I think that there are many paths to God, and I have finally found mine.

I get a lot of flack from my MIL because we aren't raising Chickenhead to attend church. I could point out to her that she goes to church every Sunday, yet still does things that are decidedly 'un-Christian'. I could point out to her the many people around the world that do and say some of the most horrendous things in the name of God. As the old saying goes- Going and standing in a church on Sundays doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a Cadillac. I think that if there is a God, and I do think there is, he judges us more on our thoughts, deeds and actions, and not so much on attendence.

Other than in the eyes of my MIL, condemming our souls to hell, we didn't do much else. We enjoyed the outdoors on Saturday, working in the yard. Yesterday was cold and rainy, so we stayed in, watching TV and just generally being lazy.

Chickenhead committed a big video-game no-no on Saturday night. The Husband was letting him stay up late to play whatever game it was Chickenhead was playing. Well, the Husband fell asleep, so Chickenhead decided it was a wonderful opportunity to check out the PS3 online store. When the Husband woke up yesterday morning, he had an email from PS3 about five items he purchased at .99 cents each. What items? Chickenhead decided that the Husband's avatar needed and extreme makeover, so he bought new hands, feet, torso and legs, all green, along with an orange spiked hairdo. The Husband's avatar now looks like a cross between the Incredible Hulk and a Pokemon character. After the interrogation about how he bought these things (Chickenhead swears it was an accident- how do you accidentally hit 'buy' 5 times?), we banned Chickenhead from the PS3 for 5 days. He took the punishment surprisingly well, I think because he thought the Husband's online character now looks 'cool'. Just between you and me, I thought it was hysterical. But I had to be a serious parent. I think that the Husband thought it was funny, too, but had to be serious because we want Chickenhead to know that he can't be online just buying whatever he wants. Maybe I should send him to church...

Friday, April 10, 2009

Mean Girls and Mommy Wars and Really, Just Enough!, Already

Did anyone else watch Monday's Oprah show about how hard it is to be a mom? I watched snippits of it, and had to turn it off. The moms on there were incredibly self-absorbed and seemed to be having some sort of TV Pity Party about how parenting is so hard. Even with a nanny, it's just so hard! Suck it up, Wendy Whiner. Mrs. G. over at The Women's Colony has a great post about this subject today,and I think she said pretty much everything I could say, and so much better, too. But, she did inspire me to jot down my two cents on this issue.

The 'Mean Girls' that many of us encountered in junior high and high school, now have kids of their own. And you know what? A lot of them are still mean. They are now the moms at your child's school who look down their noses at other moms who aren't living up to their impossibly high standards of parenting. At least, that's what I've encountered with the majority of parents at Chickenhead's school. There's a mommy clique at our school. You know the ones. I've had meetings with them to discuss picnics and parties and other shcool events. I've heard what they've had to say about moms that weren't there, and it makes me wonder what they say about me. The moms that are friendly and supporting are few and far between. I can count on one hand the moms that I could count on to help out in a pinch.

I'm tired of the stay-at-home moms who consider a working mom as some sort of failure at the job of motherhood. I'm tired of working moms who think that stay-at-home moms are failing at the job of being a woman. Both camps are working their asses off, day in, day out, most of the time without thanks or recognition. Is one lifestyle really superior to the other? Don't you think both sides would love to trade places with the other at times, even for just half a day? Isn't just raising a child stressful enough without magazines, books, so-called 'experts' and even other parents telling you that you're not doing it right?

Not only do I work, but I'm the primary bread-winner in our family. I relish the time I get to spend with my son and my husband, because there just isn't enough of it. Like a lot of working moms, I feel like I have two full time jobs; my JOB job, and when I get at home, the job of being wife and mom. But you know what? I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. My yard may not be the most beautiful, my house may not be spotless, but I don't care. I'm using the time I have on weekends to spend with my son and my husband.

I may not have everything, but I'm thankful for what I have. The next time I hear some woman on TV grousing about how hard it is to be a working/stay-at-home mom, I hope she stops to think about all the moms that have it so much harder than she does. I hope she thinks about the single moms, who have to shoulder the entire job. I hope she thinks about the mom who's struggling to get out of an abusive relationship. I hope she thinks about the moms who have lost their children, who would give anything to have their babies back in their arms.

And instead of tearing each other down, let's focus on building each other up. After all, this mom thing is hard.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Dazed and Confused

Today, I'm going to tell y'all a story from my past. It's a story of sex (ok, maybe not a lot of sex), drugs and rock and roll, so if those are kind of delicate topics for you, you might want to go to my post a couple of days ago about Denis Leary and Seth Rogen.

OK. It was November of 1984, or was it '85? I don't remember for sure, but I know it was somewhere around there. Every year, our high school had King Louie Night, which was a big deal for Juniors and Seniors. The local King Louie Ice Chateau would be open for our amusement all night long. All the ice skating, bowling, video games and pool we could handle. And if you didn't go to King Louie Night, you were a social outcast of the highest order, so you'd best find a way to be there.

My best friend Beth and I were jazzed to go. We would wear our tightest designer jeans, feather and tease our hair just so, and impress the men of our dreams. We were going with a group of kids; one guy had a van, so he could easily take ten or eleven people. We had the outfits, the hairspray and the transportation. Game on!

Since this was taking place on a Friday night, Beth and I decided after school to take a nap, so that we wouldn't be all tired that night. But we were too excited to sleep and we made a few prank phone calls, listened to some Ozzy on cassette and sat around doing our hair and putting on extra black eyeliner. We got dressed, and really, I don't know how we got jeans on that were so tight. It makes my stomach hurt to think about it now! At last it was time to go, and Darrin showed up with his van. Let's party!

Now I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I never indulged in some substances when I was in high school I did and there's nothing I can do to go back and change that. So it goes without saying that the group I hung out with were all pretty much stoners. And when we got in that van, the party was already starting. A joint and a Big Gulp filled with a screwdriver that was mostly vodka were being passed around. By the time we made the 20-minute drive to King Louie, we were good and baked. There was a bit of a panic when we thought we had lost a joint when we went to get out of the van, but it was found, and all was well. We all fell out and stood out in the parking lot, assuring each other that our pupils weren't too dilated, and that no, we didn't smell like weed at all.




I'll be honest here, I don't remember a lot of what we did once we went inside. I know we went skating, well if you could call it that. Ice skating is not easy when you have ingested some substances. We played pool, and while Beth was bickering with her boyfiend (which is what she did no matter who her boyfriend was), I was probably pouting because the boy I had a crush on wouldn't give me the time of day. But I do remember that Beth and I found everything to be absolutely hilarious, and if I can't recall much about that night I'd like to think it was because we spent so much time laughing our silly heads off.

Three AM rolled around all too soon, and that meant closing time. As our group all met up, we all realized that we hadn't seen much of Darrin that night. Come to think of it, we hadn't seen much of Frank, either. But the van was still there, so we figured that the two of them either got kicked out, or had come out to sleep it off. When we got to the van and opened the doors, no Darrin. No Frank. And this was the days before cell phones, so it's not like any of us were able to just whip a phone out of our pockets and call someone. Nope, we were stuck. Beth and I walked back up to the entrance at King Louie, but they were closed and wouldn't let us back in to use the phone.

Not knowing what else to do, we all hopped in the van and just sat. A couple of the guys dug through the ashtray to find a roach and they smoked that. The rest of us sat there, tired and hung over, not knowing what to do next. A fog had not only descended inside the van, but outside, too. We couldn't see across the parking lot, let alone across the street. One of the guys kept saying that there weren't any pay phones around, we were screwed, we would just have to wait for Darrin to come back for his van.

Finally tired of listening to all the guys talk their stupid crap, one girl, Lori told Jerry to go with her, they were going to look for a phone. They took off in to the fog...About 10 minutes later they came back. Turns out, none of us burnouts noticed that King Louie happened to be on a major thorough-fare, and there was a strip mall and a fast food joint right across the road. Lori called her dad from the payphone, and he would come pick us up. About a half hour later, the remaining eight of us took one last stumble out of the van and crammed in the the back of Lori's dad's Toyota pick-up with a camper shell. Beth and I finally got back to her house around 6AM.

Her mom was waiting up for us, and just looked at us and shook her head. She asked,
'have you girls been smoking pot?' We denied it emphatically, but Beth forgot that when she smoked, she broke out in hives. So her mom knew what we had been up to, she just wanted to see if we would lie about it. She told us to get our sorry asses to bed, and we slept until about 1 the next afternoon. We woke up ravenous and got dressed and made a beeline for the nearest convience store for Doritos and Coke.

Now that I'm grown and a parent, I hope that my son never does something this stupid and irresponsible. But having said that, this was one of the best nights of my life!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Relaxing Weekend? Really?

Is it a full moon or what? Because everyone in my household has managed in one way or another to get on nerve #99.

Chickenhead has behaved like a typical 8-year old boy today, turning it up to 11 with every chance he got. I love him dearly, but wow, today he tried my patience. He dressed as Darth Vader and sneaked up on me in bed and whacked me in the head with his light saber. I took him down with a 'twiddlebug' attack (I tickle his armpits and he squeals at a pitch that can only be heard by dogs).

Later, I was taking a break from making cards when my mom asked me to come with her, as she had to tell me something. Seems she was trying to cut that plastic ring thingy on the six-pack of coke bottles when the knife slipped and cut right in to one of the coke bottles, sending coke spewing everywhere. I mean everywhere. It was all over the kitchen counter, the cabinets, the stove, the soffit above the cabinets, and the ceiling. Oh, and the floor,too. I never knew one of those 16oz. coke bottles could do so much damage. I'm just glad mom wasn't hurt. I asked her why she didn't try to cut the holder with the kitchen shears, but she said she couldn't find them. I opened up the drawer, and there they were. She was upset, but I told her it was no big deal, as long as she wasn't hurt. I told her next time, if she needed help, to just let me know. I made sure I didn't let her know I was frustrated, but I can't imagine how she felt. I know it's hard for her, not knowing what's going on, but it's frustrating for us too, because she won't let us take her to doctor's appointments, and she's not keeping them, either.

Come to think of it, the Husband was the only one who didn't make me want to run screaming through the neighborhood today, but that's because he was content down in the ManHole, watching college basketball, which I think will go on until mid-August.

Tomorrow, I've got to go to the store, take Chickenhead to get his hair cut, and get him a white polo and black pants for the spring concert this Tuesday. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, huh?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Men I Like- Bring On The Funny!

I have a thing for guys that can make me laugh. I almost always find a funny (as in funny ha-ha, not funny talking to invisible cats)guy attractive as all get out. Since I couldn't decide which funny man to devote today's post to, I decided to just go for it and present two men I like. Here we go...

Funny Man #1-

Denis Leary. Oh, what a guy! I don't know if it's his willingness to gripe about everything he encounters, or just his all around Irish-ness, but Denis Leary rocks my world. I love, love, LOVE his TV show 'Rescue Me' and can't wait for the new season to start later this month. If you haven't watched it, you should. I also love that he loves ice hockey, and his Leary Firefighters Fund does a lot of great work for firefighters and their familys. Not only is Denis hot and funny, he's compassionate.

Funny Man #2-

I realize that Seth Rogen may not be every woman's fantasy man, but he just melts my butter if you know what I mean. He's not conventionally handsome, but cute in an endearing puppy kind of way. I love that in his film roles he will do anything to get a laugh, and when I've seen him on TV (he was on the Daily Show the other night with Jon Stewart!), he comes across as a nice guy. Plus, he's Jewish. There's just something about Jewish guys. I have to confess, if JDate had been around when I was single, I would have made it my life's mission to have a last name like Goldstein. Or Rogen.