Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Lifetime

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

My Darling Husband,

I can scarcely believe that we have been married for 15 years. In some ways, and on some days, it seems as though we've been together forever. For freakin-ever!! But then again, it sometimes feels like those years have flown by in a matter of days. These 15 years we have shared have brought me my highest highs and the lowest of lows. Some days, I have wanted to run away as far and as fast as I could (which if you've seen my Wii Fit score, is not far or fast at all), and most days, I could never imagine a life without you in it.

You and I have seen the best and worst of each other. We've been there for each other through thick and thin, good times and bad. Loving you has made me a better, stronger person. Seeing you grow as a person has made me proud to be your wife. Knowing how much you love Chickenhead, and seeing the closeness that the two of you share fills my heart with love and joy. You and I both know how difficult a childhood without love can be.

I could go on and on with this, but I won't. I will close this by simply saying that you are my heart, you and our son are my world. Thank you for 15 of the best years of my life. I love you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I Choose Joy

I just want to take a moment from my ogling and fantasizing about Anderson Cooper to reflect on something.

One of my most favorite quotes comes from 13th-century Persian poet/philosopher, Rumi. "The hurt you embrace becomes joy". For a long time, I didn't quite fully understand those words, even though they touched my heart.

Over the past couple of weeks, though, the true meaning of this has become clear to me. When I wrote my blog entry for December 31, I had no idea how my words would impact others. I really just wrote it to free myself of something that had been sucking my spirit dry for years. On New Year's day, a relative called, in tears because she had read my blog. Of course she had no idea that this was part of my past. I felt bad that I had upset her, but she felt bad for me! Since then, others who have read that entry have been incredibly kind and supportive, and have said nothing but encouraging, hopeful words to me. For every one's support, I thank you.

I learned to embrace something that had caused me a lot of pain, and I let it go. And in doing so, I have found an indescribable joy, clarity and peace becuase of my decision to write those words. Our lives are what we choose them to be, and every day, we can make the choice to be happy or not. I choose to be happy, I choose joy.

And now I'm choosing to go back to staring at that picture of Anderson Cooper, so carry on!

Men I Like- The Silver Fox Edition

You know what our country is sorely lacking? A good news man (or woman). Someone who will tell it like it is, and not be afraid to get their hands dirty to deliver us a good news story. Walter Cronkite is gone, as is Peter Jennings, two of the all-time greats in my opinion. But thankfully, we've got a guy who has some serious potential- Anderson Cooper.

Yes, Anderson Cooper. Have you watched AC360, his CNN news program lately? It's good stuff. And even better than his studio work is Anderson's 'in the field' reporting, first in the days following Katrina in New Orleans, and now in post-earthquake Haiti. Time and time again, he goes beyond just covering a news story, and genuinely cares about what he's covering. Check out this video of him helping a boy to safety in Haiti (warning- it's graphic)

He doesn't seem to care about covering the looting that's going on around him, he just wants that little boy to be safe.

What else do I love about AC? Well, his mom is Gloria Vanderbilt, and I loved her jeans when I was in high school. He's an admitted 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' fan, and he let's Kathy Griffin drop the f-bomb on TV, which is always good for a few giggles. And while rumor has it that I may not be of the right persuasion to catch Anderson's eye, I don't care. He's a good news man, and all around great guy. And hello, he's hot! Check out that bod!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Right Now...

Right now, there is nothing going on at the Casa that is more important than what is going on in Haiti. The devastation is at times, incomprehensible. I have been appalled at the comments made by American idiots at large, Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh. I'm not going to dwell on them though, because in the end, their words, their hate and their ignorance will come back to haunt them. Karma's a bitch, boys.

I cried watching the news this morning, hearing that an 11-year old girl who was pulled from the rubble died after she was transferred to a hospital. I cried tears of happiness while watching a report on an 18-month old baby girl who was pulled out of the rubble and survived, and was reunited with her uncle. He's the only living relative she has now. I cried because I have so much, and there are so many who have nothing.

I am reminded of the saying that no one person can do everything, but together, we can all do something. I made a $10 donation to the American Red Cross by texting 'HAITI' to 90999. I know first hand how difficult times are here for us in the States. But I encourage everyone to donate whatever you can. There are few events in our lifetime that require us all to pause our ignorance, our prejudices and selfishness for a while and stand together for a cause. I think this is one of those times we need to stand together.

For a complete list of legitimate organizations you can donate to, please check out this list at CBS' web site.

In a gentle way, you can shake the world. - Gandhi

**Edit- Also, you can play the Free Rice game down on the left side of my blog, or go to their site and your clicks will go towards helping out with food in Haiti. Free Rice helps to support the United Nations World Food Programme, so not only will you learn a thing or two, but sitting on your butt here in front of the computer will actually help out!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I Really Have No Idea Anymore

I think I've got the winter blahs. I sit around the Casa and see so much that needs to be done, but I just don't have the ambition to do it. I'm starting to tackle some projects, though, and once I get in there and get going, I'm OK.

I've started going through some of my mom's things. I'm sorting out what to donate, what I want to keep, what I may put in a garage sale in the spring. I hadn't really realized how much 'stuff' my mom had. It's sometimes difficult to decide whether to keep an object or let it go; am I keeping it because I feel like I have to, or because it means something to me? It's going to be a longer process than I anticipated, that's for sure.

Chickenhead had a strings concert the other night. He was incredible! When he played, it sounded like actual music! Really, all of the 4th grade strings kids sounded great. The 5th grade band, well...not so much. My hat's off to the music teachers of the world because some of those kids sounded like they were torturing animals with their instruments. Chickenhead was looking good, too. It was his first time to wear a tie. We didn't have a clip-on, so he had to wear one of the Husband's ties. I have to admit, the kid cleans up pretty good-

Not much else is going on around here, really. The Husband and I are gearing up for our 15th anniversary at the end of the month. No big plans, maybe dinner out. I need to make some cards, I feel like I can get back in to that now that the holidays are over and the house is back to some sort of order. We're wanting to buy a house, God help us. I'm tired of Loony Landlady, and we're not getting more for our money by just renting. So keep your fingers crossed that we can get qualified for a loan, and find the right house. We're hoping to luck in to a foreclosure property, fingers crossed!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The One True Thing

"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?"

"All the religions of the world, while they may differ in other respects, unitedly proclaim that nothing lives in this world but Truth."
~ Gandhi

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."
~ His Divine Holiness The Dalai Lama

"Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today..."
~ John Lennon, 'Imagine'

For most, if not all of my life, I have not been religious. I would occasionally go to church with my great-grandmother, or grandmother, and in the summer, there was vacation Bible school, but that was the extent of my exposure to religion. For a while as a teenager, I was attracted to the ceremony of the Catholic church, and still find it fascinating, I have to admit. The husband and I got married in a Methodist church, and later on Chickenhead was baptized in the same church, but other than an occasional wedding, I haven't been to church in years.

But. I have seen far too many hateful, hurtful things done in this world in the name of God. And while this doesn't mean that I think that all Christians or Muslims or Buddhists or Hindus are extremists who will do harm for the sake of their beliefs, it has led me to believe that for me personally, organized religion is not for me.

I don't believe that any one religion is the 'right' religion. I don't believe that his Baptist God is better than her Catholic God. I don't believe that God is a vengeful entity who will punish us when we do something wrong. I don't believe that life is a contest in which you must perform a set number of good deeds in order to get to heaven, and that if you do 'bad things' it's an automatic e-ticket to hell.

What do I believe? I believe in a Divine Spirit, call it God if you feel it must be named. I believe that 'God' is a loving and forgiving God who wants us all to do well during our time on Earth. 'God' wants us to learn from our experiences, our successes and our failures. I believe that each person has a moral responsibility to be kind to their fellow man. I believe that man has the capability to make the choice every day to do good or to do bad. If you choose to do good, you not only enrich the lives of others, but also your own life. If you make the choice to do bad, you destroy everyone including yourself. God does not make those choices for you, you do. I don't necessarily believe in Heaven or Hell, but that's just me. I do believe in karma, and that what you put out in to the world will come back to you. If you try to do good, good will come back to you. If you do bad, bad will come back upon you. I don't believe that someone necessarily has to die in order to be rewarded for their well lived life, or get their just desserts.

My mother in law gets upset that we don't take Chickenhead to church on a weekly basis. I don't think we need to take him to a church to have a relationship with God. And if he wants to explore different religions, I'm down with that. I would love to attend services at a Jewish temple, or Buddhist or Hindu ceremony; I think it's important not only for children to learn tolerance by experiencing other cultures, but it's also important to continue learning tolerance as adults, too. We can all learn just as much from Gandhi and Buddha as we can from Jesus, Mohammad and Shiva. Peace...